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  • Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

  • Hank Scorpio
    Hank Scorpio

    We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

Posted Images

Does no one see the irony that he played for Mike Price?

8 hours ago, ATXbronco said:

The Internet says Jerry was once a Mayor near where the broadcast will be taking place.

The Internet also shares this.

giphy-downsized.gif

Is that Honey Melons 88HHH?

HM88HHH hit young Al in the back of his head with one of her 88’s because he was talking to his buddies and not giving said stripper attention nor US paper currency.  This was at a bachelor party in dusty old Lubbock at place called Players, Al remembers. Another one of the entertainers that night pulled off young Al’s belt a gave him a whipping because of his frugality with his said US paper currency as well.  Al realized that night that he is not a strip club guy.  Stripping, serious business.   
Wonder how the probably elder HM88HHH is doing these days.  
Thanks for posting this, oh the sand filled callous mammories that were created that night.  

5 hours ago, Asu2215 said:

Does no one see the irony that he played for Mike Price?

Or that his monkey bit a kid who went as Mike Leach for Halloween?

29 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Or that his monkey bit a kid who went as Mike Leach for Halloween?

It wasn't an 11 y/o kid, it was Kevin Eltife, Kevin thought he could take a monkey.

Plot thickens...

-Randolph Duke

4 hours ago, El Diablo said:

It wasn't an 11 y/o kid, it was Kevin Eltife, Kevin thought he could take a monkey.

Plot thickens...

-Randolph Duke

Here is Eltife looking for the monkey…

 

C262663F-F617-457B-83B7-E52C43ACBE4F.jpeg.3633477cbcd3451b6044b0688506b5f5.jpeg

 

meanwhile Gia at Glamor Shots….

 

7DCDB5F0-8E13-46E4-B37A-0C90BDCC43C6.thumb.png.c83d6871b09b01e179f476452b90a4a6.png

On 11/5/2021 at 8:23 AM, FirstTimeCaller said:

Anyone notice how the monkey story went completely silent? Like there was story after story and all the sudden it turned off?

I think someone is pulling some strings behind the curtain man. Someone doesn't want the truth to shine. How come we don't have a statement from Gia either confirming or denying the situation? Where is the allegedly bitten child? Is the university hiding him from the public because he is so horribly maimed? Or was there never a monkey bite at all and this is all part of a larger plot to take the focus off the on-field performance of the football team?

I don't know, but it all smells pretty fishy monkey to me.

That’s just how the news cycle works these days.

No room for a silly story like this between the Ruggs and Aaron Rodgers stories.

On 11/2/2021 at 10:52 PM, SA-KC_Horn said:

 

FS1 biting my shit. 

ESPN getting in on the fun this morning E6DCE82B-7D77-4B21-AA4A-3A1D5A079C30.thumb.png.54db7a1d1554f2b5a6630bccafba2ca9.png

 

 

Did anyone ever confirm if a kid was even involved and if he or she is ok? I want to be able to laugh at this with a clear conscience.

Cannot speak to mental trauma.  But physically the kid is fine.  Family decided not to make a civil claim after seeing the disaster of a program Banks works for.  
 

we like to say on here that Longhorn football has been wandering, for the last dozen seasons, in ‘the Wilderness’ or ‘the Desert.’  But today my friends, we descend further into ‘the Jungle’.  And we don’t get out the other side for quite awhile. 

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Cannot speak to mental trauma.  But physically the kid is fine.  Family decided not to make a civil claim after seeing the disaster of a program Banks works for.  
 

we like to say on here that Longhorn football has been wandering, for the last dozen seasons, in ‘the Wilderness’ or ‘the Desert.’  But today my friends, we descend further into ‘the Jungle’.  And we don’t get out the other side for quite awhile. 

apocalypse now horror GIF by Maudit

Maybe wrong thread but just saw that Dicker is leading the nation in net punt average. Banks doing his thing on ST. 

2 minutes ago, Tex-19 said:

Maybe wrong thread but just saw that Dicker is leading the nation in net punt average. Banks doing his thing on ST. 

I'm generally pleased with the ST.  we've had 4 bad plays.  Ark - Dickers drop, OU - worthy fumble, Baylor - Stupidly timed fake punt, TCU- opening KO return

OU and Baylor could have been game changers so those were very bad

TCU - we won

Ark - didn't really matter as we were beat from the time we stepped on the field.

we've also blocked some punts and kicks

My main gripes are taking out the KO's(could have potentially saved us against OU) and the fact that we regularly let punts bounce instead of fair catching them.

On 11/7/2021 at 10:35 AM, Archer said:

ESPN getting in on the fun this morning E6DCE82B-7D77-4B21-AA4A-3A1D5A079C30.thumb.png.54db7a1d1554f2b5a6630bccafba2ca9.png

 

 

Not gonna lie, the pray for more mojo got me. 

kim kardashian feminist GIF

On 11/5/2021 at 5:59 PM, ATXbronco said:

The Internet says Jerry was once a Mayor near where the broadcast will be taking place.

The Internet also shares this.

giphy-downsized.gif

Jerry Springer lost his job as Mayor because he paid hookers with checks. And you have to be a frequent flyer to pay for hookups with a check. 

On 11/8/2021 at 12:18 PM, Lobo said:

Cannot speak to mental trauma.  But physically the kid is fine.  Family decided not to make a civil claim after seeing the disaster of a program Banks works for.  
 

we like to say on here that Longhorn football has been wandering, for the last dozen seasons, in ‘the Wilderness’ or ‘the Desert.’  But today my friends, we descend further into ‘the Jungle’.  And we don’t get out the other side for quite awhile. 

Heart of Darkness & Tales of Unrest by Joseph Conrad

23 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Jerry Springer lost his job as Mayor because he paid hookers with checks. And you have to be a frequent flyer to pay for hookups with a check. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Springer
 

Quote

 

Springer was elected to the Cincinnati City Council in 1971.[11] He resigned in 1974 after admitting to soliciting a prostitute.[11] Springer came clean at a press conference. Long-time Cincinnati newsman Al Schottelkotte pronounced Springer's career over, but Springer's honesty helped him win back his seat in 1975 by a landslide. In a post-election interview, Schottelkotte good-naturedly reminded Springer that he had declared Springer's career over. Springer told the newsman, "I'm glad that you were wrong."[citation needed]

In 1977, he was chosen to serve one year as mayor by the City Council.[11] Springer could only serve one year as mayor due to a political arrangement at the time (Cincinnati has since changed to direct election of its mayor) that required the Democrats to split the mayoral term with a local third party group, the Charter Committee, with whom the Democrats governed in an electoral alliance. In the City Council and as mayor, Springer supported changing the local election system so that council members would be elected by districts (thus better representing neighborhood interests) instead of "9X" at-large system, but his efforts (as well as those of everyone else, to date, who has supported such a change) did not meet with success.

 

 

 

Lost his job on the city council... Cincinnati made him mayor after the prostitution scandal.

  • 4 weeks later...

For the love of all that is holy, how has this thread languished for weeks with no action?  This is quite possibly one of the finest stories you could hope to hear.  The Pole Assassin, a suburban monkey, primal aggression, pro bono medical attention, shameful special teams.  I mean, it’s all here.  The sands of time cannot be allowed to swallow such a tale.  Are there updates?  Anyone?

This is from a courthouse news subscription I have that lists recently filed lawsuits. It gives the case style, case summary, and plaintiff’s attorney who filed.

Amy Clinkenbeard; Casey Clinkenbeard, individually and as next friend of a minor
v.
Danielle Thomas, aka "The Pole Assassin"; Jeff Banks
12/2/2021 D-1-GN-21-007037 

Gross negligence and defamation for exemplary damages. Plaintiffs' minor child was trick-or-treating with friends when they were invited to defendant Danielle Thomas's home for a haunted house. Afterwards, the children were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in her backyard and told the monkey was trained to give high fives. Minor plaintiff attempted to high five the monkey, but the animal aggressively bit his hand and caused injuries. Thomas refused to provide vaccination records for her monkey and later falsely stated on social media that minor plaintiff did not have permission to be on the property and then had her friend go on the Bobby Bones Show to give a false version of the events. "Danielle Thomas's actions ignited a media firestorm including articles on the New York Post, Fox, Barstool, Yahoo, and countless others which then further spread through social media."
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Brian Beckom
VB Attorneys

Monkey's probably in Aruba by now, they'll never catch him. 

  • Popular Post
Monkey's probably in Aruba by now, they'll never catch him. 

That monkey’s got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan. He speaks a dozen languages and knows every local custom. He'll blend in, disappear and you'll never see him again.
7 hours ago, South Austin said:

This is from a courthouse news subscription I have that lists recently filed lawsuits. It gives the case style, case summary, and plaintiff’s attorney who filed.

Amy Clinkenbeard; Casey Clinkenbeard, individually and as next friend of a minor
v.
Danielle Thomas, aka "The Pole Assassin"; Jeff Banks
12/2/2021 D-1-GN-21-007037 

Gross negligence and defamation for exemplary damages. Plaintiffs' minor child was trick-or-treating with friends when they were invited to defendant Danielle Thomas's home for a haunted house. Afterwards, the children were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in her backyard and told the monkey was trained to give high fives. Minor plaintiff attempted to high five the monkey, but the animal aggressively bit his hand and caused injuries. Thomas refused to provide vaccination records for her monkey and later falsely stated on social media that minor plaintiff did not have permission to be on the property and then had her friend go on the Bobby Bones Show to give a false version of the events. "Danielle Thomas's actions ignited a media firestorm including articles on the New York Post, Fox, Barstool, Yahoo, and countless others which then further spread through social media."
CNS Plus Download

Brian Beckom
VB Attorneys

If I had to come up with a fake last name on the spot I’d probably come up with something really stupid. Like Clinkenbeard 

7 hours ago, South Austin said:

This is from a courthouse news subscription I have that lists recently filed lawsuits. It gives the case style, case summary, and plaintiff’s attorney who filed.

Amy Clinkenbeard; Casey Clinkenbeard, individually and as next friend of a minor
v.
Danielle Thomas, aka "The Pole Assassin"; Jeff Banks
12/2/2021 D-1-GN-21-007037 

Gross negligence and defamation for exemplary damages. Plaintiffs' minor child was trick-or-treating with friends when they were invited to defendant Danielle Thomas's home for a haunted house. Afterwards, the children were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in her backyard and told the monkey was trained to give high fives. Minor plaintiff attempted to high five the monkey, but the animal aggressively bit his hand and caused injuries. Thomas refused to provide vaccination records for her monkey and later falsely stated on social media that minor plaintiff did not have permission to be on the property and then had her friend go on the Bobby Bones Show to give a false version of the events. "Danielle Thomas's actions ignited a media firestorm including articles on the New York Post, Fox, Barstool, Yahoo, and countless others which then further spread through social media."
CNS Plus Download

Brian Beckom
VB Attorneys

Good work @South Austin.  I’m surprised no one else has picked up the practice of biting an unwelcome high-five. 
I notice that the reactions include pos rep from @Doctor of Neighborhood .  Nice. 

By the time they figure out what went wrong, that monkey will be on a beach earning 20%."

19 minutes ago, mr. sunshine said:

If I had to come up with a fake last name on the spot I’d probably come up with something really stupid. Like Clinkenbeard 

Username etc…😉

I wish I could share my true opinions of plaintiffs’ counsel. However, I will point out that he’s a massive Aggie fan boy and has one of the lamest podcasts ever in which he hosts a number of Texas A&M-related guests. He played on the aTM basketball team in the 80s, I assume as a walk-on. He was also in the corps for 4 years.  He will absolutely try to connect Banks and UT to the monkey as much as possible.

Edited by hookem17

7 minutes ago, hookem17 said:

I wish I could share my true opinions of plaintiffs’ counsel. However, I will point out that he’s a massive Aggie fan boy and has one of the lamest podcasts ever in which he hosts a number of Texas A&M-related guests. He played on the aTM basketball team in the 80s, I assume as a walk-on. He was also in the corps for 4 years.  He will absolutely try to connect Banks and UT to the monkey as much as possible.

He was in my law school class. Didn’t know him well, other than knew his reputation as an unabashed aggy fanboy.

7 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

That monkey’s got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan. He speaks a dozen languages and knows every local custom. He'll blend in, disappear and you'll never see him again.

He’s got the grail already.

2 hours ago, hookem17 said:

I wish I could share my true opinions of plaintiffs’ counsel. However, I will point out that he’s a massive Aggie fan boy and has one of the lamest podcasts ever in which he hosts a number of Texas A&M-related guests. He played on the aTM basketball team in the 80s, I assume as a walk-on. He was also in the corps for 4 years.  He will absolutely try to connect Banks and UT to the monkey as much as possible.

You're an anonymous poster on an irreverent, profane message board.  What is stopping you from sharing your true opinions of plaintiffs' counsel?  Bring it.  

10 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


That monkey’s got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan. He speaks a dozen languages and knows every local custom. He'll blend in, disappear and you'll never see him again.

Summer Driving GIF

11 hours ago, South Austin said:

This is from a courthouse news subscription I have that lists recently filed lawsuits. It gives the case style, case summary, and plaintiff’s attorney who filed.

Amy Clinkenbeard; Casey Clinkenbeard, individually and as next friend of a minor
v.
Danielle Thomas, aka "The Pole Assassin"; Jeff Banks
12/2/2021 D-1-GN-21-007037 

Gross negligence and defamation for exemplary damages. Plaintiffs' minor child was trick-or-treating with friends when they were invited to defendant Danielle Thomas's home for a haunted house. Afterwards, the children were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in her backyard and told the monkey was trained to give high fives. Minor plaintiff attempted to high five the monkey, but the animal aggressively bit his hand and caused injuries. Thomas refused to provide vaccination records for her monkey and later falsely stated on social media that minor plaintiff did not have permission to be on the property and then had her friend go on the Bobby Bones Show to give a false version of the events. "Danielle Thomas's actions ignited a media firestorm including articles on the New York Post, Fox, Barstool, Yahoo, and countless others which then further spread through social media."
CNS Plus Download

Brian Beckom
VB Attorneys

https://m.facebook.com/amyclinkenbeard.realtor/

Should have the Pole Assassin climb the Tower carrying a Monkey as a student film project.

12 hours ago, South Austin said:

This is from a courthouse news subscription I have that lists recently filed lawsuits. It gives the case style, case summary, and plaintiff’s attorney who filed.

Amy Clinkenbeard; Casey Clinkenbeard, individually and as next friend of a minor
v.
Danielle Thomas, aka "The Pole Assassin"; Jeff Banks
12/2/2021 D-1-GN-21-007037 

Gross negligence and defamation for exemplary damages. Plaintiffs' minor child was trick-or-treating with friends when they were invited to defendant Danielle Thomas's home for a haunted house. Afterwards, the children were taken to a monkey that Thomas kept in her backyard and told the monkey was trained to give high fives. Minor plaintiff attempted to high five the monkey, but the animal aggressively bit his hand and caused injuries. Thomas refused to provide vaccination records for her monkey and later falsely stated on social media that minor plaintiff did not have permission to be on the property and then had her friend go on the Bobby Bones Show to give a false version of the events. "Danielle Thomas's actions ignited a media firestorm including articles on the New York Post, Fox, Barstool, Yahoo, and countless others which then further spread through social media."
CNS Plus Download

Brian Beckom
VB Attorneys

Night At The Museum Movie GIF by 20th Century Studios

Welp, it was bound to happen sooner of later. 

Sounds as though the kids were taken back there as opposed to Pole Assassins video where she said they went thru 37 gates to get to the monkey.

1 minute ago, tx ind said:

Sounds as though the kids were taken back there as opposed to Pole Assassins video where she said they went thru 37 gates to get to the monkey.

Sounds like that kids parents are the problem. That kid is fucked in life.

This story is better than the Christmas Vacation ‘Jelly of the Month Club’ keeps giving in Spades. 
#noracist. 

Nobody’s cashing in on a MIL deal?

Doctor of neighborhood gets me every time

Edited by Topper13
#Monkeygate

It appears that the pole assassin does not have a good grasp of English grammar.

40 minutes ago, Lhorn said:

Welp, it was bound to happen sooner of later. 

Hahaha, right? The ol' assistant coach-with-the-stripper-girlfriend's-monkey story is as old as time itself. It was never a question of "if". 

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