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Featured Replies

5 minutes ago, kwood4408 said:


How do we order one of these?

If they hit the market I am going to wear it on your game day, every game. The orange one. 

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  • Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

  • Hank Scorpio
    Hank Scorpio

    We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

Posted Images

YellowInfamousHanumanmonkey-max-1mb.gif

If a version this doesn't happen at the Kansas game, I will be disappointed in our marketing team. 

1 hour ago, Beantown Express 2.0 said:

Not sure if anybody here listens to the Pat McAfee show on SiriusXM on MadDog radio but for a national show, he has been going on and on about Banks, Pole Assassin, her monkey, etc...  It's bad enough we suck but this is not great optics for UT at this point.  

Eh, I couldn't care less.

In hindsight, it's too bad we didn't recruit Trevor Siemian.

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

It was no mix up Hamm, you just got a purdy mouth.

 

 

 

 

Edited by Horn Dog

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

I like his approach. Decent game for probably being drunk at 4 in the morning. 

Maybe he was just tryna fuck, Taylor. Give yourself more credit. 

37 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Great.  I'm laughing so hard some of my fellow teachers think I'm crying.


Well, they wouldn’t think that if you weren’t such a huge pussy all the time, would they…

14 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

A decade from now, we will all look back at how a fucking monkey toppled Texas football for good and wonder how we let it happen. Strippers with monkeys can’t go wrong.

Or… as I said in the game thread Saturday, this program is cursed and needs an exorcism. Gia the monkey is it. We will all mark this day on our calendars as the turning point for the program.

14 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Eh, I couldn't care less.

Yep. I guess they conveniently failed to mention the Banks personal life shit show was going on at Bama before this season. Just win and win often and this shit isn't a really much of a story. 

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

Totally not a psycho bitch move to throw out texts from 4 years ago that have zero relation to the story....

Edited by Pam Cummings

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

Kinda reminds me of the Voodoo Lady over in Jefferson.

“She had this monkeys foot around her neck and a three legged monkey. And that monkey don’t give her no trouble. That monkey fuck with everybody but her.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

3 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

To be fair, he probably just got Hamm's number confused with Hamm's wife's number.

14 minutes ago, Pam Cummings said:

Totally not a psycho bitch move to throw out texts from 4 years ago that have zero relation to the story....

And kept said texts for that period of time. 

29 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I like his approach. Decent game for probably being drunk at 4 in the morning. 

Maybe he was just tryna fuck, Taylor. Give yourself more credit. 

Besides, Hamm's name is Taylor and he's a little bitch.

Banks probably should have used a better description when he saved the number to his phone.

8 minutes ago, Deej said:

To be fair, he probably just got Hamm's number confused with Hamm's wife's number.

damn

1 minute ago, Tex Pete said:

Besides, Hamm's name is Taylor and he's a little bitch.

Banks probably should have used a better description when he saved the number to his phone.

Oh hahaha I figured Taylor was a chick. Then who gives a fuck what he texted you. What a loser. 

  • Author

I want to be mad at him for that fake punt fiasco on Saturday, but this man is the king.  He should be OUR king.  

3 minutes ago, J.R. Juniors Junior Jr. said:

In that case, he should have never been here.  Really bad vetting oversight. Almost Fredo Stoops-level.

He had gone to Nick's Rehabilitation Clinic.  Come out clean as a whiistle

17 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

paging @closetojumping

7 minutes ago, J.R. Juniors Junior Jr. said:

In that case, he should have never been here.  Really bad vetting oversight. Almost Fredo Stoops-level.

It's that kind of thinking that has fucked our program. 

We will NEVER lose another game or recruit if the team is led out of the tunnel with this: 

image.png.3a36176b411f507a278704231fc40b85.png

 

CDC - make it happen!!

I heard Dan and Jake discussing this on The Ticket. I didn't realize Banks was one of the aggy assistants who helped put on the "Football For Females" discussion with slides that was packed with sexual innuendo that brought a lot of negative attention to aggy.

4 minutes ago, C-Man said:

I heard Dan and Jake discussing this on The Ticket. I didn't realize Banks was one of the aggy assistants who helped put on the "Football For Females" discussion with slides that was packed with sexual innuendo that brought a lot of negative attention to aggy.

And the other one is on Spavital's staff in San Marcos.

  • Popular Post
1 hour ago, Brothahorn said:

Can the monkey play defense?

Prospect analysis:

Gia the Monkey. University of Texas. Defensive Back. 

Height: 2' (unverified)

Weight: 15 lbs (unverified)

40 time: 3.2 seconds (estimated)

Vertical: 48" (estimated)

Plusses: Tenacious, aggressive, super-human speed and athletic ability. Incredible change of direction skills

Minuses: Undersized.  Inexperienced, lack of football IQ. Questionable home life. Rumored to spend too much time in strip clubs. May border on being over-aggressive. Not sure if Gia can comprehend the playback. Is not a human being 

Overall grade: Free agent 

Edited by Dennis Taylor

33 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

 

15 minutes ago, NoName said:

Several moving parts here. 

1) I have friends inside the inside at Bama and buddies with Banks, Davis, Flood, Sarkisian, etc. When Banks took this job, they told me about the stripper and monkey and I posted it here and told my friends involved with covering the sport who then …

2) I have friends involved with UT and CFB and they ran with the monkey story in Jan and it became known shit for us but the national media didn’t really care about Banks and his girlfriend until … now. 

3) As a sidenote in all of this from January, I was told the Hamm blackmail story and relayed it here and elsewhere. The texts included dick pics and that was the biggest thing Hamm tried to use against Banks. Instead, Banks said he didn’t give a shit and go for it. Hamm kept the dick pics to himself.  

All of it is kind of pathetic, if entertaining. 

Since I have a 10" punisher, I'm delighted when dick pics leak. Maybe Banks is the same?

I don't have a stripper monkey on my back though..

I’ve had several crises at work today, starting when I got an unannounced Teams call when I was stepping out of the shower. Thank God I didn’t start video or that would’ve been an even bigger crisis. 
Because of all that, I didn’t hear about this whole thing until after 3:00 pm today. I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes going through the thread. I needed this comic relief today. You can’t make this stuff up. 
This thread is why I joined Surly. Bravo, you degenerates. 

Edited by nnm

I’ve been laughing my ass off all day. Asked a buddy if he’s been following this and he said he’s been hunkered down with work. After I sent him a few highlighted tweets from here, I destroyed his productivity for the rest of the day. We’ve been laughing so hard we’re crying. 

2 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

How hard does one have to try to fuck that up?

3 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

So close

38 minutes ago, Deej said:

It's that kind of thinking that has fucked our program. 

it's that kinda thinking that kept us from dudes like Briles, right?

19 minutes ago, Gucci_Suit said:

It’s not even entertaining. 

Agree to disagree

  • Popular Post

What this season has devolved to

5sqn1u.jpg

I wonder if this passes James Franklin's eyeball test for assistants' wives, or if the monkey makes it too much, no matter how hot she is....Like hiring an OC who runs a gimmicky offense. 

3 hours ago, ChickenNuggets said:

it's that kinda thinking that kept us from dudes like Briles, right?

Briles was too toxic to be hired, but we don't need to try and be holier than thou on every fucking thing. "Oh, no. He made made a bad judgement on jokes at a women's football clinic, and his girlfriend is a stripper who owns a monkey."

Nice try, Plonsky. 

Edited by Deej

55 minutes ago, Gucci_Suit said:

It’s not even entertaining. 

I laughed out loud when I read the first tweets last night. Now that the story has spread to mainstream media, it's starting to feel a little ... sad. Still, it would be much better if we were 7-1 and kicking ass every weekend.

16 hours ago, perfectchaos007 said:

NFL is a different animal. Nick Saban was a failed NFL coach too

True, but I think that Urbie is burnt out mentally and emotionally and took the Jags job to see if a different situation (NFL) would be better.

Narrator;. It wasn't, he's mentally shot and on the verge, if not the middle of a nervous breakdown or stroke.

2 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

True, but I think that Urbie is burnt out mentally and emotionally and took the Jags job to see if a different situation (NFL) would be better.

Narrator;. It wasn't, he's mentally shot and on the verge, if not the middle of a nervous breakdown or stroke.

Well, he’s stroking something. This much has been verified with video evidence. 

1 minute ago, nnm said:

Well, he’s stroking something. This much has been verified with video evidence. 

Well played sir, well played...

1 hour ago, TxTower said:

Kinda reminds me of the Voodoo Lady over in Jefferson.

“She had this monkeys foot around her neck and a three legged monkey. And that monkey don’t give her no trouble. That monkey fuck with everybody but her.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

"You lookin' at the symptoms"

So is Jeff Banks married to or just dating Pole Assassin ?

1 minute ago, n64ra said:

So is Jeff Banks married to or just dating Pole Assassin ?

You Marry the Pole, Fuck the Monkey, and Kill the Assassin.  Wait...

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