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Featured Replies

You’d make an excellent rectal thermometer salesman.  

Anyone can do that. What takes talent is being a USED rectal thermometer salesman.
  • Replies 1.2k
  • Views 116.4k
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  • mooseoutfront
    mooseoutfront

    After posting some in the non-Texas Winter weather thread, I had some requests to start my own thread about my life in Alaska.   The backstory...My wife and I have lived completely off the g

  • mooseoutfront
    mooseoutfront

    Yesterday started off so nice.  The Lights were out on my way to work.

  • mooseoutfront
    mooseoutfront

    Hard no  

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1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:


Anyone can do that. What takes talent is being a USED rectal thermometer salesman.

Can you imagine the quality of clientele when your customer base is 100% comprised of people in the market for a used ass thermometer? It would probably remind you of a Texags user convention.

14 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

That isn't a moose out front.

The moose was for brunch.

8 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You’d make an excellent rectal thermometer salesman.  

Well, he is a Lawyer. 

  • Author
  • Popular Post
17 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

How's the home reno going in the new place?

Slowly

We’re really in no hurry, so I’m taking my time to get it done right

Mrs. Moose wants hardwood floors. I’ve never attempted anything like that, so I’m learning as I go

Saving the bathroom for last. It only has a shower stall. The Mrs. wants a tub. Gotta demo everything , frame the tub in and tie it into the plumbing. Then tile everything. I’ve never laid tile before either so I’ll learn. 
 

Plus we’re dealing with yet another wildfire in the neighborhood right now. The Bear Creek fire if anyone is interested. About a mile away from both the cabin and the house. Luckily still on the other side of the river

image.thumb.png.6eda8c65c05a062307409f69bd952908.png

Yikes. So which river provides the barrier for you, the one on the east that runs through Ferry and Anderson, or the one on the west?

  • Popular Post
On 2/1/2022 at 5:33 PM, Brisketexan said:

Where does your wife charge her, ummm, entertainment devices?

On 2/1/2022 at 5:47 PM, Your Mom said:

A wife married to a bonafide Grizzly fucking Adams probably has less need for those devices than the rest of our wives. 

 

On 2/1/2022 at 5:37 PM, mooseoutfront said:

These are his tracks in my driveway.  I wear a size 14.

Sometimes the answer is right in front of you.

  • Author
3 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

image.thumb.png.6eda8c65c05a062307409f69bd952908.png

Yikes. So which river provides the barrier for you, the one on the east that runs through Ferry and Anderson, or the one on the west?

The Nenana River to the East

The house is on the river North of the highway

The cabin is about a half mile from the river 3 miles South of the highway

  • 2 weeks later...
28 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

Baby daddy nowhere to be seen. 

#marriedmooseproblems

Oh sure - because they're black?

I'm tired of the moose-related racism around here. 

On 6/28/2025 at 11:23 AM, mooseoutfront said:

Slowly

We’re really in no hurry, so I’m taking my time to get it done right

Mrs. Moose wants hardwood floors. I’ve never attempted anything like that, so I’m learning as I go

Saving the bathroom for last. It only has a shower stall. The Mrs. wants a tub. Gotta demo everything , frame the tub in and tie it into the plumbing. Then tile everything. I’ve never laid tile before either so I’ll learn. 
 

Plus we’re dealing with yet another wildfire in the neighborhood right now. The Bear Creek fire if anyone is interested. About a mile away from both the cabin and the house. Luckily still on the other side of the river

If you're going to care for your mom, I'm not sure but you might want to consider a sit down tub. It won't help the Air BnB Value, but it might be something to consider. 

  • Author
32 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

If you're going to care for your mom, I'm not sure but you might want to consider a sit down tub. It won't help the Air BnB Value, but it might be something to consider. 

We’ve discussed that, but Mrs. Moose really wants a tub to soak in. When I frame it in I’m going to add reinforcements in order to install some handicap rails at a later date if we need to. Also been looking at a chair lift system to get mom up the stairs. 
 

Moving her here is a last resort. She wants to stay in Texas. She came up here for Christmas one year (against my advice) and the cold zapped her. 

1 hour ago, mooseoutfront said:

Moving her here is a last resort. She wants to stay in Texas. She came up here for Christmas one year (against my advice) and the cold zapped her. 

Well, she should’ve figured out the situation when you put her on the ice flow. 

15 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

Well, she should’ve figured out the situation when you put her on the ice flow floe. 

As a man of proud Scandinavian heritage,
a woman in a pink shirt is speaking into a microphone and saying how dare you

Well, I’m Swedish, but apparently the Apple voice recognition software isn’t. 

Wait! You aren’t by any chance Norwegian, are you?

12 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

Well, I’m Swedish, but apparently the Apple voice recognition software isn’t. 

Wait! You aren’t by any chance Norwegian, are you?

Not directly, but by way of Normandy, kinda. Hiberno-Norman on one side (with a good dash of French from 100 years in New Orleans), and a bunch of whatever is filtered through the other northern English/Scottish side, with some German thrown in for good measure—also, possibly some Melungeon from the Appalachian family (2% Senegal).

However, I was instead referring more to your oft-cited Swedish stock.

Edited by bolverk

1 minute ago, bolverk said:

However, I was instead referring more to your oft-cited Swedish stock.

IMG_3418.gif.df6bea4075c3425ca2cd0bc0889cee27.gif

23 minutes ago, bolverk said:

Not directly, but by way of Normandy, kinda. Hiberno-Norman on one side (with a good dash of French from 100 years in New Orleans), and a bunch of whatever is filtered through the other northern English/Scottish side, with some German thrown in for good measure—also, possibly some Melungeon from the Appalachian family (2% Senegal).

However, I was instead referring more to your oft-cited Swedish stock.

Why are y'all talking about his dick?

Next week, I'm heading up to Alaska to visit my son who is running tours out on the Matanuska glacier. Should be fun.  

This is the glacier he is working on:

image.jpeg.5e274c92262e29a60ad87cedb35719ba.jpeg

And here is his home for the summer:

4032x3024.jpeg.d038a51dd0b147dc85b02fdaced50775

 

28 minutes ago, HookEm said:

Next week, I'm heading up to Alaska to visit my son who is running tours out on the Matanuska glacier. Should be fun.  

This is the glacier he is working on:

image.jpeg.5e274c92262e29a60ad87cedb35719ba.jpeg

And here is his home for the summer:

4032x3024.jpeg.d038a51dd0b147dc85b02fdaced50775

 

Bring us back some...

09bafeef-78e5-4213-b4be-0e4591f0e75e_texwaterboy-water.gif

1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Why are y'all talking about his dick?

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/27/2025 at 10:02 PM, Brisketexan said:


Anyone can do that. What takes talent is being a USED rectal thermometer salesman.

Sooo, way back in the day of glass thermometers, rectal thermometers had red ends or knobs on the end, and oral blue (or maybe it was vice versa).

A nurse in my pediatrician's office told Mom to buy rectal thermometers for oral use because they were heavier and wouldn't break as easily.

On an occasion or two, the color of the thermometer, presented to a relative or friend for oral use raised a few eyebrows.

A doctor is making his morning rounds.  He visits one of his patients, and picks up his chart to make some notes.  He reaches in his shirt pocket, and pulls out a thermometer.

Doc says to himself "great...now some asshole's got my pen"

  • 2 months later...
  • Popular Post

Saw this tweet and it made me think of this thread.  Haven't seen any updates in a while.  Guess Moose is in the final stages of prepping for winter.

 

 

3 hours ago, Don Johnson said:

Saw this tweet and it made me think of this thread.  Haven't seen any updates in a while.  Guess Moose is in the final stages of prepping for winter.

 

 

Read a book about this guy. Fascinating. 

  • Author
2 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

This you @mooseoutfront?  Might need a new shit stick after this. 
 

 

Nightmare fuel

We keep an aluminum baseball bat in the outhouse named Aloysius Devadander Abercrombie if something wanders up while you’re in the shitter

And Dick P is a legend up here. Dude carved his own plates, bowls, forks, spoons…he used his glorious solitude wisely

  • Author

Winter finally showed up this week. 8 inches of snow last Friday, 14 below this morning. It’s like living in a snow globe again. 

I gave South Austin's mom 8 inches last friday*

 

 

 

* 4 inches two times

35 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

who the fuck has a camera in their shitter?

Fair question. 

25 minutes ago, mooseoutfront said:

I mean … that has to be AI, correct?

not a drop of water on the floor, so yeah.

also, the guy is on the shitter looking at his phone, and he's not jacking off.  Who does that? 

36 minutes ago, mooseoutfront said:

I mean … that has to be AI, correct?

If so, it’s really well done. Looks fucking real. He should be dead though. 

10 hours ago, Don Johnson said:

Saw this tweet and it made me think of this thread.  Haven't seen any updates in a while.  Guess Moose is in the final stages of prepping for winter.

 

 

Somewhere around here I have a DVD of Alone in the Wilderness hanging around. It is a documentary about Dick Proenneke building his cabin and such. It's well worth the watch if you can find it. 

8 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

who the fuck has a camera in their shitter?

I don’t think that’s real. 

 

15 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

who the fuck has a camera in their shitter?

 

15 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Fair question. 

I was about to post a Case McCoy pic until I had a rare and momentary firing of a common sense synapse. 

15 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

who the fuck has a camera in their shitter?

AI has his underpants still on.

Edited by Armybrat

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