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2022-2023 San Antonio Spurs Season Thread - Tits, Ass, N’ Keldon

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Victor, here we come. Or Scoot. I’m not greedy. Just please make having to watch this shit all season worth it. 

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5 hours ago, Kermit said:

Victor, here we come. Or Scoot. I’m not greedy. Just please make having to watch this shit all season worth it. 

tumblr_poby7p0UY61us57u5o3_r1_400.gifv

Of course he spins into some weird under the basket attempted finish that fortunately for him he was fouled on. 

I've always been a Jak fan but that's just vintage for him. 

  • Author

Skinny Keldon is fucking awesome. He’s noticeably quicker. 

"We may need to run something shittier out there. Utah looks really terrible and Ainge is a shark. Have you seen that French kid play?"

Victor Wembanyama or bust.

  • Author

OMG, there is some competition for suckage.

1 hour ago, Horn of Gabriel said:

Shittiest team has worse odds now than the Duncan era yes?  Like a 9% chance of top ball or something?

14%.  52.1% of a top 4 pick. 

2 minutes ago, Irieguy said:

14%.  52.1% of a top 4 pick. 

Worst 3 teams actually have the same odds. 

  • Team 1 > 14.0%
  • Team 2 > 14.0%
  • Team 3 >14.0%
  • Team 4 > 12.5%
  • Team 5 > 10.5%
  • Team 6 > 9.0%
  • Team 7 > 7.5%
  • Team 8 > 4.5%
  • Team 9 > 4.5%
  • Team 10 > 4.5%
  • Team 11 > 1.8%
  • Team 12 > 1.7%
  • Team 13 > 1.0%
  • Team 14 > 0.5%
3 hours ago, Kermit said:

OMG, there is some competition for suckage.

The worst 3 teams have the EXACT same odds for picks 1-4. Only difference is odds for picks 5-7. Spurs are fine. 

Edited by Irieguy

I’m making a longer post to answer future freak outs. For the odds of the first four picks it doesn’t matter if Utah(or any team) has a worse record than the Spurs. It doesn’t matter if TWO teams have a worse record than the Spurs. Bottom 3 is the only goal. 
0F67113F-321D-43D8-818D-7DBDF318D301.thumb.jpeg.7fcb4d45bdaf1fcc4fce07cb22a86a76.jpeg

  • Author

Dude, no one is freaking out. We all know. There’s just going to be some competition for the worst three records, even though the Spurs are going to bottom out. 

1 hour ago, Kermit said:

Dude, no one is freaking out. We all know. There’s just going to be some competition for the worst three records, even though the Spurs are going to bottom out. 

Yea? I’m not seeing anybody naming three worse teams. 

  • Author

The season hasn’t started yet. Anyone who starts off shitty is immediately going into tank mode. There’s Indiana, Charlotte, Utah, San Antonio, Houston, OKC, and Washington. Then there’s the play in teams who will gladly sit players for a shot at the bottom three. There’s also the slight possibility that Pop actually tries to win some games. I’m glad your doing projections before the first game is played, though.

Oh, and injuries. Don’t forget about those. 

36 minutes ago, Kermit said:

The season hasn’t started yet. Anyone who starts off shitty is immediately going into tank mode. There’s Indiana, Charlotte, Utah, San Antonio, Houston, OKC, and Washington. Then there’s the play in teams who will gladly sit players for a shot at the bottom three. There’s also the slight possibility that Pop actually tries to win some games. I’m glad your doing projections before the first game is played, though.

Oh, and injuries. Don’t forget about those. 

Which play in teams from last year are candidates for the bottom 3?

4 minutes ago, Irieguy said:

Which play in teams from last year are candidates for the bottom 3?

You think that only three teams in the NBA are going to try and get this guy?

  • Author
6 minutes ago, Irieguy said:

Which play in teams from last year are candidates for the bottom 3?

At this point, who knows? We know the teams that are going to be shitty out of the gate. But, and there’s a huge butt, any team with distant playoff aspirations is who starts off horribly is going tank. Any team who has an injury to a MVP caliber player, and whose titles dreams abruptly end, will go full tank. This is a once in a lifetime draft with not one, but two franchise altering players. It’s going to get incredibly ugly very quickly. 

  • Author

Also…

Again the season hasn’t started so who knows, but these prognosticators have us finishing fourth. And the Lakers not making the playoffs? Erection juice.

Edited by Kermit

26 minutes ago, Kermit said:

And the Lakers not making the playoffs? Erection juice.

I mean they already look like a fucking trainwreck again. They'll be lucky to win 45 games. 

  • Author
4 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I mean they already look like a fucking trainwreck again. They'll be lucky to win 45 games. 

What’s not going to be funny is if they win the lottery and New Orleans gets their pick.

45 minutes ago, Kermit said:

What’s not going to be funny is if they win the lottery and New Orleans gets their pick.

bruh.. dont say that.. haha.

2 hours ago, Kermit said:

Also…

Again the season hasn’t started so who knows, but these prognosticators have us finishing fourth. And the Lakers not making the playoffs? Erection juice.

Now we are quoting a projection that has the Jazz finishing 10th in the West.cool andy samberg GIF

  • Author
10 minutes ago, Irieguy said:

Now we are quoting a projection that has the Jazz finishing 10th in the West.cool andy samberg GIF

200.gif
 

If you actually read the article, they explain why. 

38 minutes ago, Kermit said:

200.gif
 

If you actually read the article, they explain why. 

The article actually is eye-opening. The computer likes the veteran core that Utah has now. The Jazz might fuck around and win a couple too many games before Markannan, Clarkson, etc are shut down for injury or traded. They have mismatched pieces and will throw out some intentionally bad lineups but they have players. 

Sexton is the only one on that team that might accidentally win them some games - depending on how he comes back from injury. The rest of their roster is full of total JAGs with Markannen maybe being slightly better than that - but nowhere near a first option. 

I mean they could win 35 games I guess but I'm assuming they'll be a disaster and Ainge will let it happen. Mike Conley has like 200 minutes of competitive basketball left in his body. 

  • Author

The Pelicans are going to be this year’s Memphis. Holy shit, they’re fucking fun. Ingram is toying with people.

1 hour ago, Kermit said:

The Pelicans are going to be this year’s Memphis. Holy shit, they’re fucking fun. Ingram is toying with people.

I'm high on their team as well. If Zion plays 2/3 or more of the season they're a 50 win team and a puncher's chance against any team in the playoffs.

Wieskamp got cut yesterday. A bit odd considering his deal was (allegedly) guaranteed, but I guess they have so many young guys on contract that someone had to end up on the chopping block. 

Official opening night roster of the worst Spurs team since about 1987:

Screen-Shot-2022-10-17-at-2.59.28-PM.png

Spurs have 4 guys that could be the third best player on championship roster but no one that could be a first or second guy on a contender. Not sure they are built for the future either. It's weird.

  • Author

Man, I think I may have underestimated how much this team is going to suck.

0-1 to start the season. The tank is just revving up its engines. Go Spurs Go!

Well, see you guys next season. 

43 minutes ago, Radical Larry said:

We need The Greenwood Runners to help out with the tank.

This was pretty funny, though. Nice callback.

Maybe the ESPN projection system was right about the Jazz. 21 point win over the Nuggets. Jazz might have to dump some veterans quicker than planned or end up in purgatory. 

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