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Featured Replies

There is no way someone has already sharted.

46 minutes ago, Hate said:

There is no way someone has already sharted.

No...butt damned close, freaking frozen pizza.

12 hours ago, Longhornstampede said:

Today's hangovers may open the floodgates.

FIFY

Waiting for someone to post that Kramer slamming money on the counter gif.

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

  • Popular Post
20 minutes ago, Longhornstampede said:

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

200.gif

Yeah, dude just taunted the lords of karmic irony. He'll explosively shit in front of a crowd in 2023.

My three day old just starting getting milk from the tap. We  have had two blowouts already.  

29 minutes ago, Telegraph_it said:

My three day old just starting getting milk from the tap. We  have had two blowouts already.  

What's his surly handle?

1 hour ago, Longhornstampede said:

Most likely just a spectator in this literal shitshow this year. Don't (can't) drink anymore and the diet has become slightly more healthy, or at least more discriminating. So despite having black coffee, bacon, eggs (runny yolks) and fruit for breakfast this morning.... I'm not even worried anymore.

Calling my shart-shot on January 1.

Longhornstampede: 365

Shart: 0

just takin' it one day at a time.

 

like the drunks do.

2 hours ago, Longhornstampede said:

What's his surly handle?

The he is a she! All this time I didn’t think girls pooped. 

Took 16 hours. Benchmark.

3 allsup's burritos yesterday.  Close call this morning when I went to dutch oven the wife.  

  • Author
1 hour ago, RPM said:

Took 16 hours. Benchmark.

You owe us some details if you didn't even make it a full day before crapping out. 

My three day old just starting getting milk from the tap. We  have had two blowouts already.  

Pics of the tap. We have rules…
4 hours ago, RPM said:

Took 16 hours. Benchmark.

OK, you’re saying you put the first one on the board?  Details.

still getting much of my nutrition from liquid goo (son calls it Soylent green).  Haven’t had a firm shit in almost a month.  So I’m always riding the razor’s edge.  But I know way better than to try to squeak out any gas.  Odds would not be in my favor.

Much like the Masters…the shart thread is a “Tradition unlike any other “.  I look forward to following, and hopefully not contributing.  

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

Wait till you turn 50, you will make up for lost time.

Haven’t been feeling great after a few days of celebration, but assumed it was just hungover and tired. I woke up to a horrific shart in the bed at about 2:00am last night. Spent the next several hours on and off the toilet with terrible stomach cramps and shitting piss. 0/10 would not recommend. 

On 12/31/2022 at 10:01 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Clean slate. 

...so to speak.

I mean it's just an interesting choice of words, is all...

7 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

No, I was roughly your age when this annual thread started I think.  I thought y’all were a bunch of loose assed heathens.  But Father Time was quick to remind me I was not immune to the ravages of age. 

16 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I just turned 47 and I've only sharted once.

Is something wrong with me?  Should I be sharting more regularly?

Same here. I’m 51 and only had one experience worth mentioning.  I have no idea what I ate but went for a walk with the wife.  Gut went from 0-100 in minutes.  
 

Zero chance of getting home or to a bathroom.  Had to make a deposit behind a dumpster at a local elementary school (summer, no kids).  wife won’t let me forget about it.  Beyond that no problems in decades. 

For this thread that probably qualifies as a humble brag. 

Turned 50 in January 2022 and made it through the year unscathed.  Pretty proud of that after having incidents in both '20 and '21.  Either my gut health is improving, or I'm getting better at risk assessment with experience.  Here's to 2023!

  • Author
4 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Turned 50 in January 2022 and made it through the year unscathed.  Pretty proud of that after having incidents in both '20 and '21.  Either my gut health is improving, or I'm getting better at risk assessment with experience.  Here's to 2023!

Taunt the Turd Gods like this much more, and you'll have to change your username to Gottapoopy before spring hits. 

Once you get over 50, it doesn't matter if you taunt the gods or not.  Your sphincter knows just exactly how close you are to a toilet and you've got limited time. 

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

On 1/1/2023 at 1:17 PM, Telegraph_it said:

My three day old just starting getting milk from the tap. We  have had two blowouts already.  

Pics of tap?

4 minutes ago, Vertigo said:

Pics of tap?

They look like my avatar. 😉
 

Edit: If you follow the Ukraine thread… these Tetons actually are enlarging. 

Edited by Telegraph_it

On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Sounds like a good research project for Doomlet. 

On 1/1/2023 at 9:07 PM, Deej said:

Get more fiber 

 

81mhBZT5pmL.jpg

Wheelhouse.

On 1/2/2023 at 2:55 PM, Sbbruin said:

 I thought y’all were a bunch of loose assed heathens.  

Naw, these guys are apparently into a lot of pegging.

On 1/3/2023 at 8:06 PM, nnm said:

Every time you fart, you’re emitting bacteria with the gases. So technically, every fart is a shart. "There's about a tenth of a gram of poop in the average pair of underwear," he added.  https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/washing-machines-loaded-bacteria-dirty-clothes/story?id=10751420

Good science experiment for the intrepid young surl middle schooler:  fart near a Petri dish, once with clothes on, and a second one au natural.  Observe the results. Profit. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1121900/

Thermal Vision Fart GIFs | Tenor

On 1/1/2023 at 12:17 PM, Telegraph_it said:

My three day old just starting getting milk from the tap. We  have had two blowouts already.  

You Have No Idea Whats Coming Threaten GIF - You Have No Idea Whats Coming  Threaten Get Ready - Discover & Share GIFs

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Popular Post

My wife would die if she knew I told this. But I moved back to Oklahoma from Miami in 2003, met her 3 months later and the rest is history as they say. We had been dating for a while and had a small house and things were good. Till they weren’t. We had went out the night before and drank 29 beers and went home and passed out. Wake up the next morning and decide to go eat Mexican food and grab another beer to take the headache away. We polish off the burritos and beers and are heading back to the house when I see my girlfriend gently raise her butt a bit, I knew that was a mistake. She lets a little air waffle go, and I can tell things have went south. She puts her shoes on the dash and kind of just sit there. She has no idea I’m watching. She tries to sneak two fingers around and get a quick sniff when I look down on the two fingers and see a bit of butt mud. I scream “holy shit, you shit your pants”!!! She had a fucking heart attack because of how embarrassed she was. She still gets pissed if I bring the story up, but I laugh in her face just like I did the day she had shit on her fingers. 

  • 2 weeks later...

New medicine. Two weeks of nothing, nothing, nothing, poopergency!!!! Literally need to be within 45 seconds of a toilet! A couple of close calls at home, nervous as hell to go out to a store. Dr says it should go away once my body gets used to the meds. Didn’t mention how long that may take.

Can I get a ruling please? Where does prairie dogin’ fall on the shart spectrum. Asking for a friend. 

Did the prairie dog leave the hole and check out the grasslands?

Seems the dog pulled back into his burrow but left a minor skid mark…according to my friend. 

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