Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

This bidet intrigues me.

I just started eating more fiber and I use way less tp. Before I would clog my toilet all the time.

2 hours ago, Jersey Man10 said:

started eating more fiber and I use way less tp.

psyllium husk, baby.  metamucil is the most underrated supplement available in the world.  big healthy shits and wipe clean, truly a life changer. 

31 minutes ago, futureman said:

psyllium husk, baby.  metamucil is the most underrated supplement available in the world.  big healthy shits and wipe clean, truly a life changer. 

For real. A few scoops of fiber and you will have the most glorious shits ever. 

Broccoli ftmfw

12 hours ago, Jersey Man10 said:

This bidet intrigues me.

I just started eating more fiber and I use way less tp. Before I would clog my toilet all the time.

Intrigued?  You have no idea the joy.

I have been on the edge about getting one for years.  Finally did when the great TP rush of 2020 happened. 

1).  Drag garden hose with spray nozzle through bathroom window.

2).  Sit on toilet then carefully insert nozzle and as much hose as you can.

3).  Turn on water full blast.

4).  ????

5).  Proshit

if you’re gonna spring for one don’t get the ones that mount to your shitter with the little bitch stream.  you want the commando 450. 
bidet_shutterstock_245198674.jpg

On 3/13/2020 at 12:32 PM, futureman said:

if you’re gonna spring for one don’t get the ones that mount to your shitter with the little bitch stream.  you want the commando 450. 
bidet_shutterstock_245198674.jpg

Gimme the logistics on this bad boy?

Wait...that things sprays down. How are you supposed to contort your body so that you can get the spray onto your bunghole?

9 hours ago, Hate said:

Wait...that things sprays down. How are you supposed to contort your body so that you can get the spray onto your bunghole?

Yeah, when I go to hotels with these, I am lost. My little “attach to toilet seat” model at home SEEMS superior, but I am assuming I’m just an idiot and can’t figure out how to use. 

if you’re gonna spring for one don’t get the ones that mount to your shitter with the little bitch stream.  you want the commando 450. 
bidet_shutterstock_245198674.jpg


Looks like a great way to get shit all over your balls.

Let’s talk about the added bonus of having a bidet. You get so used to a little wet pressure on your asshole and you are so confident in how clean it is that you have ZERO issue in asking to have your salet tossed. Believe me friends, ask and you shall receive. 

Sales of bidets should begin going thru the roof if this Coronavirus bug hangs around.

I just ordered one after beating around the bush for years. To clean assholes!

13 minutes ago, Quagmire said:

I just ordered one after beating around the bush for years. To clean assholes!

You won't regret it!

Bought a cheap one a year or so ago to try it out. I love it and regret not going to it sooner. 4 squares of tp and I'm done.

And for those of you who wait too long and can't find one, try this. 763ca7b85943c2c74d9f599c2e65a209.jpg

Living in the northland, tap water can be damn near ice cold during the winter. Is there a converter kit for a toilet-mounted bidet that heats the water? I don’t see how that would work. Batteries instead of electrical cords? 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor

You’d have to a an outlet near the toilet to accomplish that.

4 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Living in the northland, tap water can be damn near ice cold during the winter. Is there a converter kit for a toilet-mounted bidet that heats the water? I don’t see how that would work. Batteries instead of electrical cords? 

Either need a GFCI outlet near the toilet or there are some models that can take warm water but you’d obviously need that plumbed.  Never seen a battery powered one.

5 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Living in the northland, tap water can be damn near ice cold during the winter. Is there a converter kit for a toilet-mounted bidet that heats the water? I don’t see how that would work. Batteries instead of electrical cords? 

Unless you have an especially temperature-sensitive anus, this is probably less of a concern than you may expect. 

On 3/12/2020 at 5:38 PM, futureman said:

I’ve started shitting in the backyard and using the hose on my asshole to wash up. 

this guy gets it

Just installed a new bidet and got a call to go get my ass ate. The world works in mysterious ways. 

On 3/17/2020 at 2:50 AM, TKthunder2 said:

Either need a GFCI outlet near the toilet or there are some models that can take warm water but you’d obviously need that plumbed.  Never seen a battery powered one.

The fancier Japanese bidet seats have electric heaters built in, you can set the water temp regardless of incoming water temp (unless incoming is hotter than your set point - I haven't seen one with a chiller built in, yet). You won't find a battery powered one, electric heat takes a ton of power, batteries would be dead in your first use.

Just installed a new bidet and got a call to go get my ass ate. The world works in mysterious ways. 

There must be an app that lets bitches know where the clean bungs are
8 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Just installed a new bidet and got a call to go get my ass ate. The world works in mysterious ways. 

having your girl eat your ass is a hell of a thing, but bidet or no bidet you should soap your starfish in the shower before letting her do that. 

2 hours ago, futureman said:

having your girl eat your ass is a hell of a thing, but bidet or no bidet you should soap your starfish in the shower before letting her do that. 

and make her gargle with lysol before kissing you.

12 hours ago, futureman said:

having your girl eat your ass is a hell of a thing, but bidet or no bidet you should soap your starfish in the shower before letting her do that. 

I want to make one thing clear. I will never let my girl eat an unwashed ass... I also want to make it clear that I will never call this girl my girl. 

On 3/16/2020 at 12:07 PM, Hate said:

You’d have to a an outlet near the toilet to accomplish that.

battery powered heaters arent a thing?  

  • 3 weeks later...
On 6/28/2018 at 5:22 PM, Rimbo said:

(Not joking. There actually is a setting to give you an enema. Also somewhat useful for constipation...)

What brand is this?

 

On 6/29/2018 at 12:12 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Cleaning up high-test mudbutt can take hours. 

This was my experience after using a top of the line toto for month of Feb while on vacation. Left mud a few times. Wrapping finger in a wet wipe and going to the first knuckle was much more effective for cleanliness although probably not as enjoyable as the hot water spray. My virgin asshole may be unusually tight though.

For real. A few scoops of fiber and you will have the most glorious shits ever. 

A bowl of Kashi cereal will give you a glorious shit exactly 3 hours later. It’s like digesting wood chips.
4 hours ago, CooterBrown said:


A bowl of Kashi cereal will give you a glorious shit exactly 3 hours later. It’s like digesting wood chips.

OffensiveGraveBullfrog-size_restricted.g

Got a Luxe analog one wand butthole cleaner.  I love it.  It's a real eye opener. ;)

In all seriousness, there is little difference between the so-called "low" setting and the wide open paint peeling setting.  Still beats the shit out of . . . well, me arse. 

Edited by dcbc


A bowl of Kashi cereal will give you a glorious shit exactly 3 hours later. It’s like digesting wood chips.
I don't eat cereal much, but I remember this brand. It us actually pretty tasty. Gracias. Will buy again.
  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/8/2020 at 7:00 PM, dcbc said:

Got a Luxe analog one wand butthole cleaner.  I love it.  It's a real eye opener. ;)

In all seriousness, there is little difference between the so-called "low" setting and the wide open paint peeling setting.  Still beats the shit out of . . . well, me arse. 

Put in a valve between the bidet and the shutoff valve on the wall.  You can then regulate the amount of water coming out of the wand...

On 3/16/2020 at 9:53 AM, ImissWallyPryor said:

Living in the northland, tap water can be damn near ice cold during the winter. Is there a converter kit for a toilet-mounted bidet that heats the water? I don’t see how that would work. Batteries instead of electrical cords? 

Actually, if your toilet is near enough to the hot water, like next to the sink, you can run the line to that and use a converter. One of the Luxe models is to be used with hot water. 

I noticed the prices went up last time I looked quite a bit. Mine is the Lux 180 and I bought when it was 39.99, and got $10 off on sale, so $29.99. Now I think the prices is like $50 now.

Edited by burntorangebongos

3 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

so $29.99

That's what I paid on 3/9

On 3/13/2020 at 2:32 PM, futureman said:

if you’re gonna spring for one don’t get the ones that mount to your shitter with the little bitch stream.  you want the commando 450. 
bidet_shutterstock_245198674.jpg

It's only used in the circus. For elephants!

On 3/13/2020 at 2:32 PM, futureman said:

if you’re gonna spring for one don’t get the ones that mount to your shitter with the little bitch stream.  you want the commando 450. 
bidet_shutterstock_245198674.jpg

I don't get how this works.  My ass points straight down.  I'd have to bend over forward and back up to this and almost touch the nozzle to get it to hit my shittles.  I like a bidet that blasts me from under the equator.

On 3/19/2020 at 2:02 PM, Baboontyme said:

TL;DR JHawk's girl dies after eating his ass. 

Tbh, anyone who would eat Jhawk's ass is already dead inside.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.