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Featured Replies

So I finally reached that pinnacle in life where I need that backdoor plumbing checked out. Obviously I've never gone through this nor experimented with the NowThis lifestyle. So asking the rest of you old timers what to expect and any tips to not become the monthly centerfold for the shart thread.

 

colon GIF

I mean the laxative dosage & instructions from what your doctor is gonna prescribe before the day of procedure should clean you out just fine unless you're super backed up. Had mine checked for the first time couple of weeks ago. 

Had my first colonoscopy last December. It wasn't that big of a deal. I drank two small bottles of this fluid that is sickeningly sweet. Luckily, you could just chug it down.

Schedule the procedure for first thing in the AM so you're not fasting/going without water for any longer than you have to.

Highly recommend investing in a bidet.

  • Author

Was everyone in a shart free zone with their first post-procedure meal? Or did you need to be within 20 steps of a toilet? What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?

13 minutes ago, dimyh said:

Was everyone in a shart free zone with their first post-procedure meal? Or did you need to be within 20 steps of a toilet? What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?


100% normal, hit the pit room for lunch 

 

get the earliest spot on monday am

 

2 hours ago, tx ind said:

Highly recommend investing in a bidet.

i mean that's true regardless

My post check up meal was a bowl of gumbo and shrimp brochette at Pappadeaux. It was glorious.

1 hour ago, dimyh said:

Was everyone in a shart free zone with their first post-procedure meal? Or did you need to be within 20 steps of a toilet? What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?

You've never had a finger up your ass? Just a little? 

Alright. 

To answer your question, no I don't think you're going to shit yourself your first meal afterward. Unless you and the doc decide to get a little frisky afterwards. 

Edited by ztejas

It's customary to bring the doctor a bottle of wine or some other token of your appreciation. 

6 minutes ago, deft said:

It's customary to bring the doctor a bottle of wine or some other token of your appreciation. 

Correct. And don't leave the cash tip in the examining room. Just give it to the receptionist at the desk on your way out.

Whatever you do, don’t shower between your last tidal wave shit and the procedure. The doctor will want you au naturale.

  • Author

I'd punch everyone of you dipshits right now for a cheeseburger. Procedure is tomorrow so I've been fasting all day, slamming these pills and reliving Harry's finest moments:

Dumb And Dumber Reaction GIF

 

On 6/19/2023 at 4:11 PM, C-Man said:

Schedule the procedure for first thing in the AM so you're not fasting/going without water for any longer than you have to.

This is the way.  I've had colonoscopies every two years since I was 16.  

Don't be a puss puss on the drink.  Just put it down.  Depends on what your doc gives you - sometimes it's the big jug of salty awfulness, sometimes its the wee bottle of sickly sweet. 

These days they give you propofol, which is the stuff Michael Jackson was talking to go to sleep at night.  You will be lights out and then farting in the recovery room before you know what hit you.  Back in the versed days, a man possessed of a certain resolve could steel himself to remain conscious during the procedure, for science.  Propofol laughs at man's steely resolve.  But seriously, the big fart after the colonoscopy is one of the greatest pleasures in life. 

On 6/19/2023 at 6:20 PM, dimyh said:

 What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?

it's my biennial cheesesteak

Edited by Lazarus Bocanegra

On 6/19/2023 at 6:20 PM, dimyh said:

Was everyone in a shart free zone with their first post-procedure meal? Or did you need to be within 20 steps of a toilet? What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?

You don't have to be 20 steps from the can, but I wouldn't trust a fart for at least 12 hours post procedure.

Some crunchy friends served me brussel sprout slaw and quinoa-leek soup for lunch yesterday and I'm about to take my third shit of the day and it's not even noon. All nicely solid too.

As a PSA: those of you facing this having nothing to worry about. It’s nothing. The prep is nothing other than fasting. Don’t eat red jello. Recovery is instant and you can basically eat whatever.

I called an old buddy who told me he was stage IV Colin cancer, it had metastisized into his spine, and he was on his last experimental. He ignored symptoms and was 20 years past his start date. A needless death because he was scared and embarrassed about a simple procedure.

  • 3 weeks later...

My doc said they have moved up screening to 45. I was able to just do Cologuard. They ship you a box. You shit in a bucket in your own toilet, box it up and ship it back. If nothing shows, it’s good for 5 years.

40 minutes ago, Goofyboy said:

My doc said they have moved up screening to 45. I was able to just do Cologuard. They ship you a box. You shit in a bucket in your own toilet, box it up and ship it back. If nothing shows, it’s good for 5 years.

Same things mine told me. She said that I didn’t have to look so disappointed though. 

4 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

My doc said they have moved up screening to 45. I was able to just do Cologuard. They ship you a box. You shit in a bucket in your own toilet, box it up and ship it back. If nothing shows, it’s good for 5 years.

Do the colonoscopy. It's no big deal and does a much better job finding polyps that might be a problem later on. Cologuard is good for detecting active cancer not so great at detecting polyps. 

Do the colonoscopy. It's no big deal and does a much better job finding polyps that might be a problem later on. Cologuard is good for detecting active cancer not so great at detecting polyps. 

The next one will be, at 50. I don’t have a history in the family and I’m low risk. Prostate cancer is the one I’m high risk for and I’ve been getting a PSA test for 10 years.
On 7/4/2023 at 8:23 AM, Texzilla58 said:

A needless death because he was scared and embarrassed about a simple procedure.

Guys need to get over this.  A camera up my ass is just another Friday night for me.

On 7/21/2023 at 1:53 PM, South Austin said:

Guys need to get over this.  A camera up my ass is just another Friday night for me.

Me too, based on how all your internet friends talk. 

Agree on it being an easy procedure. 

On 6/19/2023 at 6:20 PM, dimyh said:

Was everyone in a shart free zone with their first post-procedure meal? Or did you need to be within 20 steps of a toilet? What was your first meal of choice after getting probed?

After mine I ate enchiladas

Did OP survive?

I remember drinkin down that drank, the night ticking by, wondering "Is this stuff ever going to kick in?"

But then that switch flips, and you're leavin shit contrails through the night sky...

OoooOoh afternoon delight

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