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Texans, Fire Up Your VPNs/Present Your Government ID to View Porn Online (Now they want to ban all porn nation-wide)

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  • Disco Strangler
    Disco Strangler

    Lifelong Texan here since born in Abilene in 1970.  Lived in Slow-deatha, Republic of Austin, SA.  Remember when we used to be “The Friendly State” with a mind your own business mentality.  The state

  • Patricio Swayze
    Patricio Swayze

    Registry for guns? No fucking way. Registry for viewing porn? Best idea since sliced bread.

  • This thread took an odd turn.  But I'm not going to kink shame you.

Posted Images

Spankbang cranked right up this morning...

Shockingly (not really), most of the gay porn sites are still a-ok 😂

15 hours ago, Surly Bevo said:

On the one hand I agree.  On the other hand i will still take an occasional potshot at GhostofTomJoad when he appears just for admitting over a decade ago that he stood in line for Twilight instead of going to a Texas football game.  

But hey, that's life in the NFL

hate to really shame you... but if by over a decade you meant 14 years ago.  and it wasn't any home game, it was Colt's last home game. and we were undefeated (just like his wife) although the only point in his favor was it was Kansas (as in pre-Texas losing to Kansas, Kansas)

 

we aint ever gonna let him live that down

Your fault for living so close to Louisiana.

Look closer. It says Texas. They just jumped the gun.

And they did get the memo, it’s been removed.
16 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Shockingly (not really), most of the gay porn sites are still a-ok 😂

madturnip-seinfeld.gif

There are quite a few right wingers in Texas who are secretly pumping their fists over the federal court injunction.

15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah, man....I just made some law on a boring sub-issue (law on a case that actually turned out the other way than the issue here, but clearly defined the test that was properly applied here).

rushmore-3.jpg

20 minutes ago, South Austin said:

There are quite a few right wingers in Texas who are secretly pumping their fists over the federal court injunction.

Their fists, eh? 

1 minute ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Their fists, eh? 

Let he who is without sin lube the first fist.

Labor Day weekend, 1986, I was 19 years old, and the drinking age was set to go up from 19 to 21 on Labor Day.  So every other 19 yo in the state and I went to the liquor store that weekend and bought everything we could afford.  I think it's still the biggest day of liquor sales the state has ever seen.  

I was kind of expecting this to be the 21st century version of that, with hordes of teenage boys downloading thousands of terabytes of porn before the deadline.

 

1 minute ago, Beau Vine said:

I was kind of expecting this to be the 21st century version of that, with hordes of middle-aged Surly members downloading thousands of terabytes of porn before the deadline.

fify

26 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

We’re good until the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals takes it up.

May it please the court:

Judge Ho, don't be denyin' us the ho's.

(Dis)respectfully submitted,

South Austin, Esq.

16 minutes ago, South Austin said:

May it please the court:

Judge Ho, don't be denyin' us the ho's.

(Dis)respectfully submitted,

South Austin, Esq.

Think about how Edith Jones feels about masturbation.  No, I want you to REALLY think about it.

You're welcome.

Just now, Brisketexan said:

Think about how Edith Jones feels about masturbation.  No, I want you to REALLY think about it.

image.gif.0f8623570c3a24f5fd1007335493d40b.gif

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Think about how Edith Jones feels about masturbation.  No, I want you to REALLY think about it.

You're welcome.

judge-edith-jones-300x189.jpg

You Would Enjoy It GIF by Dayglow

10 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

judge-edith-jones-300x189.jpg

You Would Enjoy It GIF by Dayglow

That photo is almost certainly from her confirmation.....ALMOST FORTY YEARS AGO.  She looks....different now....

edithjonesheader.jpg

Also....she doesn't like me.

5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Also....she doesn't like me.

She’s not a Chablis fan?

7 minutes ago, South Austin said:

She’s not a Chablis fan?

Or a fan of the Carpenters.  Can you believe that?  Karen Carpenter had the voice of an angel.

8 hours ago, BearSchlong said:


Look closer. It says Texas. They just jumped the gun.

And they did get the memo, it’s been removed.

  Xhamster is for degenerates anyways. I once saw a girl put a whole arm in a guys ass, and I was only looking for pegging porn. F Xhamster for jumping to that conclusion.

23 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Co-sign.

From a guy who spent an entire evening in a gal's apartment drinking box chablis and listening to the entire Carpenter's Greatest Hits album played all the way through....twice.

Carpenter's greatest hits? Damn, exactly how old are you?

  • Author
4 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

  Xhamster is for degenerates anyways. I once saw a girl put a whole arm in a guys ass, and I was only looking for pegging porn. F Xhamster for jumping to that conclusion.

Holy shit, we found NowThis’s sock.

Which is probably crusty as shit,

55 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

That photo is almost certainly from her confirmation.....ALMOST FORTY YEARS AGO.  She looks....different now....

edithjonesheader.jpg

Also....she doesn't like me.

200.gif

5 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

  Xhamster is for degenerates anyways. I once saw a girl put a whole arm in a guys ass, and I was only looking for pegging porn. F Xhamster for jumping to that conclusion.

and there's more where that came from, baby.

42 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Or a fan of the Carpenters.  Can you believe that?  Karen Carpenter had the voice of an angel.

I mean, Edith Jones hates angels. 

8 hours ago, Js1 said:

Shockingly (not really), most of the gay porn sites are still a-ok 😂

fdaded6c-08a0-4ca2-aa12-66608c1712ae_tex

 

34 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

Carpenter's greatest hits? Damn, exactly how old are you?

1) old enough, you sonofabitch.

2) also....it was an "oldies" album at the time.  Which should have been a blaring red warning siren -- what kind of gals put on an oldies adult contemporary album to set the mood?

But at that point in my dry spell, I would have listened to 2 hours of a collection of no-names covering Neil Sedaka tunes if I thought it would have given me a shot at some nighttime companionship.  I wasn't a proud man.

I'm still not, but I also wasn't one back then.

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

1) old enough, you sonofabitch.

2) also....it was an "oldies" album at the time.  Which should have been a blaring red warning siren -- what kind of gals put on an oldies adult contemporary album to set the mood?

But at that point in my dry spell, I would have listened to 2 hours of a collection of no-names covering Neil Sedaka tunes if I thought it would have given me a shot at some nighttime companionship.  I wasn't a proud man.

I'm still not, but I also wasn't one back then.

   Yeah, that most def should've been a warning sign if you are around my age. No one is getting any quality ass if the girl is listening to the Carpenters and it isn't 1971.

  • Author
10 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

1) old enough, you sonofabitch.

2) also....it was an "oldies" album at the time.  Which should have been a blaring red warning siren -- what kind of gals put on an oldies adult contemporary album to set the mood?

But at that point in my dry spell, I would have listened to 2 hours of a collection of no-names covering Neil Sedaka tunes if I thought it would have given me a shot at some nighttime companionship.  I wasn't a proud man.

I'm still not, but I also wasn't one back then.

3 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

   Yeah, that most def should've been a warning sign if you are around my age. No one is getting any quality ass if the girl is listening to the Carpenters and it isn't 1971.

Now if she considers Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” as y’all’s song, you’re not getting out of the relationship intact.

And some of you now have that Captain and Tennille song stuck in your head,

You Are Welcome Rachel Brosnahan GIF by The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Or a fan of the Carpenters.  Can you believe that?  Karen Carpenter had the voice of an angel.

All the stomach acid burned the pesky nodules off her vocal cords.

2 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

and some of you now have that Captain and Tennille song stuck in your head,

Daryl Dragon, of The Captain and Tennille, dead at 76

7 minutes ago, RPM said:

Daryl Dragon, of The Captain and Tennille, dead at 76

What kind of drugs was that guy on? Look at his eyes! Saucers

 

 

And look at her eyes, too.  Are the two of them fucking Ken Paxton's parents or what the fuck?  

23 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

Now if she considers Captain and Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” as y’all’s song, you’re not getting out of the relationship intact.

And some of you now have that Captain and Tennille song stuck in your head,

 

This is the only appropriate use of that song (she has to get in the proper frame of mind first, so be patient).  Todd Phillips is a genius.

 

 

Edited by dcbc

Pure adrenaline (and an ounce of pure Peruvian flake)

Edited by RPM

1 minute ago, RPM said:

Pure adrenaline

Close?

On 8/31/2023 at 4:19 PM, Brisketexan said:

I still maintain that he took the coward's way out.

The proper, manly, Surly way of handling that inadvertent disclosure of his kink would have been "Fuck it, I'm a man, and I like what I like."

Respek.

giphy.gif

  I am sure that dude is still around here somewhere. A couple posters seemed like him. @Bama Chick thought she had him pegged, but he wouldn't strapon a set, be a man and just take it. It would be tough to own that. Everyone here would be just giving it to him, especially the ladies. He would be getting rode hard every time the subject came up. It's not a stretch to say it would be pretty painful for him around here. Not everyone would give him a pass. We have some assholes. I mean there are real dicks around here, and they would give him a pummeling day after day. I mean, being a huge asshole himself, you think he could take just as big a dick as he was being. Well, some people can dish it out but when it comes down to it can't handle as big a dick as they were to someone else. I do feel bad for him though. I am sure he is pretty sore after reading these threads. Imagine logging on and seeing yourself being bent over by posters while not being able to defend yourself because your hands are tied. Let that be a lesson to us all. If you are an asshole and you let stuff slip, people will be giant dildos and run all up in your business.

  • Author
3 hours ago, Thatguy said:

What kind of drugs was that guy on? Look at his eyes! Saucers

"Tennille also said Dragon suffered from megalophthalmos, a condition which results in large eyeballs and forced him to wear ever-present sunglasses.

“When Daryl was a kid, even though his eyes were beautiful, they would make fun of him and call him ‘Martian,’” she said. “I would feel bad for Daryl, because fans would come up and say, ‘Take your glasses off.’ It was awful.”

 

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