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Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread

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  • My MIL is a hefty gal. Probably 5’7” 400ish. Vic wouldn’t even hit it. As you can imagine, her life revolves around food. We are all planning out who is bringing what to Thanksgiving. She is hell bent

  • TrashMaster G
    TrashMaster G

    Because people asked.... ------------------------------------ After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week. My

  • My wife spent hours planning a trip to Disney for our 8 year olds.  She was on message boards and FB groups to try to figure out what to do and find the best deals.  Once we decided what we were

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6 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Maybe it's the guys she attracts. The gay ones.

It’s not gay if a chick fucks you in the ass?

I mean, that statement is technically through but defiantly not my cup of tea.

Being married is enough of an emasculation if you ask me.

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

A bitch?

A rose by any other name….

6 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

It’s not gay if a chick fucks you in the ass?

No. It’s gay when a guy has sex with another guy. That’s it.

It's only gay if your balls touch.

My 5 YO got like 3 gifts that require a remote control and my 13YO nephew that got nothing but clothes and gift cards unboxed all of my son’s gifts.


So now I have 3 missing controllers

On 12/30/2023 at 3:32 PM, BearSchlong said:


She has a strong, dominant personality. It’ll take a special guy to commit matrimony without homicide pegging.

I think this is what she is trying to tell you.  She will be marrying a Sub.

Family was planning trip to Big Bend in the spring when the bluebonnets are blooming there. Brother in law flatly shut it down because "My family isn't going there until they fix the border problem."

Edited by LTbear

2 minutes ago, LTbear said:

Family was planning trip to Big Bend in the spring when the bluebonnets are blooming there. Brother in law flatly shut it down because "My family isn't going there until they fix the border problem."

You'll be better off without him anyway.

Just now, Biff Tannen said:

You'll be better off without him anyway.

Unfortunately if he doesn't go neither does my sister and her kid. 

1 minute ago, LTbear said:

Unfortunately if he doesn't go neither does my sister and her kid. 

I mean, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.  Don't miss out on something amazing because of someone else's folly.

1 minute ago, Biff Tannen said:

I mean, sometimes you gotta make sacrifices.  Don't miss out on something amazing because of someone else's folly.

If my sister doesn't go, neither will my mom or other sister. They can only afford one vacation a year and they'll just pick somewhere else that everyone is ok with. So BIL being uneducated causes chain reaction I can't control. 

If my sister doesn't go, neither will my mom or other sister. They can only afford one vacation a year and they'll just pick somewhere else that everyone is ok with. So BIL being uneducated causes chain reaction I can't control. 

Tell your sister that her husband is a fucking idiot and leave him at home. Problem solved.

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

You’re bringing your felonious cousin-in-laws into your home?  Just tell your wife no.  At the very least they can stay at a hotel and come over for dinner.

24 minutes ago, Parliament said:

You’re bringing your felonious cousin-in-laws into your home?  Just tell your wife no.  At the very least they can stay at a hotel and come over for dinner.

This.  Also, Christmas in Feb?  Fuck that, they missed their window.

1 hour ago, dbagg said:

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

rubbing-hands.gif

On 12/28/2023 at 8:06 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

I'm more team blue cheese when it comes to wings, but I'll abide the ranch in it's absence.

*its

20 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

*its

Piss

17 hours ago, dbagg said:

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

Ground Hog Day, MLK and Easter really don't bring the family drama, which makes late winter/spring a barren time for this thread. 

Give your wife a hug from all of us and tell her THANK YOU!

8 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Ground Hog Day, MLK and Easter really don't bring the family drama, which makes late winter/spring a barren time for this thread. 

Exactly. And, if he tries to shut it down the wife will just hit him with:

I have a dream that one day, on the hills of Punxsutawney, the groundhog will not see his shadow and we'll have an early spring. Reminding us all that felonious cousin #1 was sprung from prison early. I have a dream that one day on Easter Sunday, all three of my felonious cousins will sleep at our house where they will not be judged by their rap sheets, but by the content of rehabilitated hearts. I have a dream that one day out by the shop, with the felons lips dripping with the nectar of beer and whiskey, will join hands with the non-felons. I have a dream today. I have a dream that come February all tree felons shall be exalted, every probation violation be made clear, the rough prison tattoos made plain, and their crookedness be made straight, and the drunken bitterness of their Father shall be relieved, and all flesh shall see it together. 

On 1/8/2024 at 3:39 PM, dbagg said:

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

What kind of felonies are we talking about here?

On 1/8/2024 at 3:39 PM, dbagg said:

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

I'll go ahead and say it...it's been nice knowing you 

On 1/8/2024 at 3:42 PM, Parliament said:

You’re bringing your felonious cousin-in-laws into your home?  Just tell your wife no.  At the very least they can stay at a hotel and come over for dinner.

Yep, hope they have a pool and a pond.....or a swamp

On 1/9/2024 at 9:51 AM, gernblansten said:

Exactly. And, if he tries to shut it down the wife will just hit him with:

I have a dream that one day, on the hills of Punxsutawney, the groundhog will not see his shadow and we'll have an early spring. Reminding us all that felonious cousin #1 was sprung from prison early. I have a dream that one day on Easter Sunday, all three of my felonious cousins will sleep at our house where they will not be judged by their rap sheets, but by the content of rehabilitated hearts. I have a dream that one day out by the shop, with the felons lips dripping with the nectar of beer and whiskey, will join hands with the non-felons. I have a dream today. I have a dream that come February all tree felons shall be exalted, every probation violation be made clear, the rough prison tattoos made plain, and their crookedness be made straight, and the drunken bitterness of their Father shall be relieved, and all flesh shall see it together. 

The felon will be too busy drunkenly fucking the groundhog. 

On 1/8/2024 at 4:43 PM, LTbear said:

Family was planning trip to Big Bend in the spring when the bluebonnets are blooming there. Brother in law flatly shut it down because "My family isn't going there until they fix the border problem."

Did he realize he’ll miss out on all the good food trucks ?

On 1/10/2024 at 6:39 PM, royiv said:

What kind of felonies are we talking about here?

Manslaughter, drugs, assault

  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/8/2024 at 1:39 PM, dbagg said:

I was informed this weekend that we are hosting a Christmas in Feb for my wife's extended family at our home.  This includes her 3 felon cousins and she insists that everyone stay at the house/shop.  Two of the three felons have turned their shit around and are pretty good dudes, third one is a straight pile of shit.  We always celebrated holidays at her grandparents house before they passed and was a good time for the first 5-6 hrs with lots of good food, booze, pitch playing.  After hr 5-6 her uncle (father of the 3 felons) is drunk and reminds 2 of the 3 how shitty they turned out and all hell breaks loose with lots of awkwardness.  Wifes Grandma called the cops on the pile of shit felon a couple yrs ago for showing up un invited.   Brother and Sister in law will both get black out drunk and yell/scream at each other and then attempt to drive the 1.5 hr's home.  Good times

Now THIS requires a live stream.  Could top them all.

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