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I just ordered 3 Brondells.  Should have scrolled up.  

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  • I guess this model is to be avoided.

  • Johnny Appleseed for the win! I'm staying at a bed and breakfast place in Costa Rica where, apparently, it is customary to not flush your paper due to septic concerns but instead put the shit sta

  • I used to warn visitors about the bidet, but it turns out it's funnier if you just let them come out of the bathroom with a big wet spot on their shirt and a sheepish look on their face.

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Finally got around to perusing this thread.

From the OP:

operate the anus sprayer while the toilet bowl is refilling. If you do so, and the toilet bowl stops the refilling process, you are going to have a surge in water pressure which will give you quite a surprise, and you may harm your sphincter.

Some people pay extra for that.

  • 4 weeks later...

I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

52 minutes ago, Hate said:

I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

Welcome to team clean hole. 

Nuthin strange about it. If it doesn't change your life within 10 days I don't even want to know you. 

My wife is skeptical, which is why I went ahead and purchased the one with the "woman" setting. I figured it would make her feel special and she would be more apt to use it if it had a setting just for her.  I kind of want to hold out shitting for as long as I can tomorrow just so I can use it for the first time tomorrow.  Maybe I should eat a bunch of cheese tonight?

The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

15 hours ago, Zone Read said:

The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

That's how I start every day. Invigorating.

So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

2 hours ago, Quagmire said:

So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

Had an electrician put an outlet in next to the throne.

I’m up and running now. Whomever put in the fill mechanism before had crossed threaded the connection, so when I tried to install the bidet, I could t get a good connection on the T joint. I had to replace the fill mechanism as well. Gave it a try this morning and I can say is wow...and also that I don’t knew why anyone would ever need more than the low pressure setting. I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.

The heat and the pressure on mine go up way beyond what I can imagine anyone being comfortable with. 

Welcome to the party Pal.

4 minutes ago, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

Yes. Travel to Europe. They have them all over the place. 

Without the high pressure I just dont get the desired polished sparkling feel. I want to hear a squeegee sound when checking for cleanliness.

 

This is what I fear might happen if I use the high pressure.

 

f542a61711cd3e6a25ba5533218468ef.gif

 

It’s going to blow the water back through my body and out my nose, ears, and mouth.

I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

6 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

Agree. I don’t get the allure of the warm water feature. It’s always so warm and humid around my butthole. A shot of cool water is just very refreshing.  I’ll go so far as to say it’s invigorating. 

it's like frollicking around in the alps like that jewish family did in the sound of music.

  • Author
I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.


Just wait until you build up a callus. You’ll be upgrading to the Binford 2000 that doubles as a sinus cleanser.
On 1/14/2020 at 5:40 PM, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

 

64931_W3.jpg

I switched out the nozzle today on a Kohler seat we just had installed.

Like a dumbass, I grabbed the handle to test out the new nozzle and shot water high in the air directly on my shirt and and pants.  

 

  • 2 weeks later...

I’ve had the bidet for a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how I ever lived without it. I wish I’d had one when I had to do my colonoscopy prep a year ago. I’ll never not have one on my throne again.

Between work and other travel, I’ve been away from home for 2 months now. I cannot wait to get back home to mine.

  • 2 weeks later...

Installed my Bio Bidet USPA 6800 Luxury Bidet Seat yesterday.  I've had the Lux cheapies for a while and they are fine but this is the shit!  On sale this month at Costco for $199 (normally $369) while supplies last.  Between the oscillating stream and the dryer, my butt hole is feeling quite pampered. 

My wife is skeptical but I think the warm water stream will bring her around.  She wasn't a fan of the cold water on the cheap ones.  I never had a problem with it.  I also think the adjustable pressure will be a sell for her, but I really don't give a shit.  This is my baby all the way.

37 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.

As a patent attorney, I'd love to write the detailed description in the application for this invention

  • 4 weeks later...

We are all looking like Eisenstein's at this point

1 hour ago, OWLVIS said:

We are all looking like Eisenstein's at this point

Just came here to comment on how smug I have been when friends ask me where I have been purchasing TP.

"Peasants!"

Edited by MissingInAction

This TP shortage is like Pentecost for the Gospel of the Bidet.  There is a lost world in need of salvation.  Go witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.  

They laughed us.  Called us weird.  Well enjoy wiping your ass with leaves

Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

11 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

  • Author

You’re welcome everyone. Please think of me every time you use your bidet.

Please note that I am entitled to 20% of all bidet use fees that you make from your unprepared friends, family and neighbors. PM me for my Venmo.

3 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

Same with me as well.  I've been preaching the gospel of the Bidet for a while now.  

I’ve been a bidet aficionado for many years and it was this thread that brought me to the light. 

I feel so enlightened these days while watching the TP rush going on.  Morons.

Lulz. Like you guys just hop off with water running down your ass cheeks...

No, but I use maybe two squares to dry off. A roll of TP lasts a while.

I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

  • Author
I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.


It would also need to include a refrigerator and a TV attachment so there would never be a reason to leave the bathroom.
1 hour ago, cabowabo said:

I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

I went golfing yesterday and for some reason couldn't work one up before I had to leave the house. I got to the golf course and had to drop a deuce before I teed off.  Of course they had the one ply sandpaper toilet paper that one would expect at such a place. I ended up with swamp ass by #17.  It sucked. 

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