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Featured Replies

Should I be using one? I got a promotion at work and have to email outside the company frequently. What should be on it? Name, office phone number and position is about all I’m thinking I need. Do I need to put my email address in?

 

I trust the ballers here to steer me in the wrong direction at some point.

You might check with your marketing department, my company has email signature policies to standardize amongst all employees.

1. Yes, you should use one.

2. Those pieces of info are correct correct.

3. No email address

4 minutes ago, UnivTex34 said:

You might check with your marketing department, my company has email signature policies to standardize amongst all employees.

Yep mine as well but we still get dumbasses that put all sorts of stupid shit on their signature. So fucking annoying

Have you ever been convicted of fraud? If not, might be important to let people know that, eg

 

Jkwellborn

512-236-1122

Assistant VP of Acquisitions

Not Yet "Convicted" of Fraud!

One of our employees decided to sign everything

 

Positively,

 

Her Name

Phone number

Title

 

Well our bosses decide they want to clean stuff up and they choose her to create a template for signatures company wide. Now all of them come pre-filled "positively"...weak ass shit.

 

 

Clever quote , or some classic quote is essential , along with a long privacy statement, a few pictures of your kids...

 

 

Never understood putting your email address in a signature, it’s already in your email dick.

35 minutes ago, Updawg said:

Use lots of colors.

and script, and different font sizes.  bitches love different font sizes.

Add a quote from Marilyn Monroe. 


What about Abraham Lincoln?

2cf832be67a586b9d987da0c95c4c009.png

Be sure to include some verbiage from your legal dept. about the restricted use of any email communications.  It should be at least 3 paragraphs long to be legally binding.

Edited by bernorange

Make it huge with over information and quote a verse from the bible in it.  

3 hours ago, SimonBolivar said:

One of our employees decided to sign everything

 

Positively,

 

Her Name

Phone number

Title

 

Well our bosses decide they want to clean stuff up and they choose her to create a template for signatures company wide. Now all of them come pre-filled "positively"...weak ass shit.

 

 

I'd use all that positivity to search for new employment.

Clever quote , or some classic quote is essential , along with a long privacy statement, a few pictures of your kids...
 
 
Never understood putting your email address in a signature, it’s already in your email dick.
It does actually come in handy when the email is forwarded, replied to, forwarded again, replied to again, etc. and eventually a new person is added after the various email programs have removed the actual email address because you are in their contacts list.

I still don't do it but I've gotten several people's email addresses like that because they did it.

This email sig could be a great place to promote World Peace by explaining that Jihad is not always violent.

Early in my career I worked for a large contractor that ended all written communication with:

 

Very Truly Yours

Name/number etc

 

Always thought that was weird.

 

 

 

 

Very Truly Yours,

BottleRocket

 

Knew a dude once who had the following after his name:

"If you choose not to decide,

You still have made a choice."

Make sure you get the shittiest quality company logo you can find and then make it at least 5 times bigger than appropriate. 

Yep mine as well but we still get dumbasses that put all sorts of stupid shit on their signature. So fucking annoying

This.
15 hours ago, bernorange said:

Be sure to include some verbiage from your legal dept. about the restricted use of any email communications.  It should be at least 3 paragraphs long to be legally binding.

Someday when i have the power to enact any law I want, I’m going to make it illegal to add long disclaimers at the bottom of emails or web pages.  No one reads them so drop the stance there is some agreement I made or understanding just because words are at the end.

i put a QR code of my contact card along with #FreeMumia 

  • Author

I’ve seen some pretty stupid or fucked off ones.

I knew y’all wouldn’t disappoint. Maybe I should just put a link for the old shit filled site.

18 hours ago, BottleRocket said:

Very Truly Yours,

BottleRocket

 

Well, "Dishonestly Yours" just doesn't quite have the same cachet.

My favorite is the .jpg company logos that show up as attachments so that when you're looking for a document that someone sent you, every email from them has an "attachment."

Check to see if your company has a template that it will require you to use.  If no template or requirement...

IMO, the more fancy fonts, logos, links (LinkedIn, really?), sayings, quotes, etc., the more that person is trying to seem important.  Players don’t need that crap.  

Use plain text only (easiest for multiple email clients).  Full name that you use for work and any earned letters (e.g. PMP, PhD, etc.).  Title or other identifier.  Company Name.  Office telephone number (and mobile if applicable).  I agree with Huck - add email address.  That’s all you need.  

That said, you may tailor it to your specific needs.  I’ve seen account managers add a link to web-based scheduling tool for ease in scheduling meetings with customers.  Some industries still use faxes, so add that number.  Keep it simple.

 

  • Popular Post

Sir Jkwellborn, Esquire, MBA, PMP, PE, PhD.

jkwellborn@youporn.com

6528 N Lamar Blvd

Austin, TX 78757

512-555-1235 business cell

512-555-1236 direct line

512-555-1237 main line

512-555-1238 fax

512-555-1234 personal cell

512-555-1239 home

"There is no such thing as failure. Just early attempts at success." - Derka

"If you give a woman a fish, she will eat for a day. If you teach a woman to fish, she will eat for a lifetime." - Famous Lesbian

"No man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the Assembly of God." Deuteronomy 23:1

 

10a1a2f65b58b827756ad4577da0656c.png

Edited by luke duke

3 hours ago, Mack Tripper said:

My favorite is the .jpg company logos that show up as attachments so that when you're looking for a document that someone sent you, every email from them has an "attachment."

Or worse, you open it on your phone, which automatically cahces it. 

Can't go wrong with a classic Dirt Bike quote.

Make sure you sign everything in a professional manner. 

"Up yours, truly.

Prepuce O. Doom" 

Is a good way to show the recipient who's boss.

I worked with a guy that had RNG after his name in his signature.  Asked him what it meant and he said "Really Nice Guy".

He was a nice guy, but got laid off when a downturn came.

Something minor that I find really annoying is-

 

Thanks,

John Smith

 

John Smith

VP of sales

XYZ company

(555) 555-5555

 

Asshole your name is in your signature you don't need to also type it in at the end of your email. 

three options:

1. bone with silian grail lettering

2. egg shell with roman

3. raised lettering with pale nimbus

On 7/18/2018 at 6:40 PM, Bill Brasky said:

name

title

desk phone

cell phone

horoscope sign 

penis length  

....

On 7/18/2018 at 7:04 PM, luke duke said:

"If you give a woman a fish, she will eat for a day. If you teach a woman to fish, you will never get her to tie her own hooks or lures  & will always have to bait her line." - ruth Bomb

 

 

Is Ruth related to Adam Bomb?

You's some fancy motherfuckers with your "desk phone"

On 7/17/2018 at 6:01 PM, BottleRocket said:

Early in my career I worked for a large contractor that ended all written communication with:

 

Very Truly Yours

Name/number etc

 

Always thought that was weird.

 

 

 

 

Very Truly Yours,

BottleRocket

 

Several years ago I picked "Respectfully" as my closing prior to signature for professional emails that are formal.  I don't see anyone else using it and I think it sounds good.  I use "Sincerely" as an alternate depending on the message.  I leave the thank you's in body of the message.  

 

Dear Bitch,

Please suck my dick.  Thank you!

Respectfully,

Elvis 

The King of Rock & Roll

512-212-3355 mobile    elvis@sunstudios1956.com

Several years ago I picked "Respectfully" as my closing prior to signature for professional emails that are formal.  I don't see anyone else using it and I think it sounds good.  I use "Sincerely" as an alternate depending on the message.  I leave the thank you's in body of the message.  
 
Dear Bitch,
Please suck my dick.  Thank you!
Respectfully,
Elvis 
The King of Rock & Roll
512-212-3355 mobile    elvis@sunstudios1956.com

We use Respectfully at our firm.
Dickbutt pic as a jpg afterwards.
On 7/17/2018 at 8:58 PM, Steel Shank said:

Knew a dude once who had the following after his name:

"If you choose not to decide,

You still have made a choice."

Someone is a Rush fan.

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