Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Sorry, I felt you needed to know.
  • Replies 9.1k
  • Views 1.6m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • You'll want to read the highlighted section. Staff note, from the Georgia 247 board.          

  • BornAndRaised
    BornAndRaised

    Taaffe has announced hes staying:   

  • closetojumping
    closetojumping

    Moore’s camp has told Bobby Burton that Trey Moore is returning to Texas. Nothing set in stone, but that would be a big deal, IMO. 

Posted Images

  • Author
1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Ah, resorting to personal attacks and homophobic slurs. The true sign of a poster with the intellactual horsepower to handle criticism and think critically. 

I also enjoyed your unintentional self-owns, which of course you wouldn't know typing, becuase you seem to be that breed of poster that talks more than takes account of the actual posters on the 995 board, what they've said, and what they've done. 

It's spelled logorrhea, not "logarehia" you fucking twat. And yeah, the unentiontal comedy of ME allegdly shitting on someone else for posting a lot, as well as having to correct their spelling, is high fucking comedy. You won't get it, but everyone else here will get it. 

Until I saw the non-edited post quoted where the dildo comment was made, I didn't understand where the "homophobic slur" reference was pointed. I read your quote of his 3 times trying to understand what I was missing. "Great, is there some new way of using an old word that I now have to stop using?" Phew. 

27 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

You might as well be kicking the old guy's walker out from underneath him. Just put him on ignore and he can verbally vomit all over this board with impunity as the septuagenarian version of spyder2yguy. Trust me, it's an easy fix.

16 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

Can any one person really own a dildo? I thought all dildos were common property in the trust tree? 

I'm not sure about the dildo part of this as I'm admittedly happily inexperienced, but I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

2 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Until I saw the non-edited post quoted where the dildo comment was made, I didn't understand where the "homophobic slur" reference was pointed. I read your quote of his 3 times trying to understand what I was missing. "Great, is there some new way of using an old word that I now have to stop using?" Phew. 

You might as well be kicking the old guy's walker out from underneath him. Just put him on ignore and he can verbally vomit all over this board with impunity as the septuagenarian version of spyder2yguy. Trust me, it's an easy fix.

I'm not sure about the dildo part of this as I'm admittedly happily inexperienced, but I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

Fun context I've learned, the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

And in a follow up has asked for my help in deleting their account. 

  • Author
Just now, SydneyCarton said:

Fun context I've learned, the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

And in a follow up has asked for my help in deleting their account. 

All of this is really grim. I just assumed he was in his 70's, if not 80's. 

2 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Fun context I've learned, the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

And in a follow up has asked for my help in deleting their account. 

Lol Jesus Christ 

22 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

 

 

 

CTJ - in full sartorial splendor, and with his favorite accoutrements - summering in Galveston ... 

 

image.png.bad391d7fb7bc8f5c159e0c7b4aed8f2.png

 

 

32 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

big-oof-size.gif

1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Nice Fight Club reference, sir. 

36 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Fun context I've learned, the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

And in a follow up has asked for my help in deleting their account. 

So you are, in fact, a meanie.  

34 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

Lol Jesus Christ 

nah, he's much older than that

1 minute ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

So you are, in fact, a meanie.  

How dare you, sir! I helped him get his account deleted. I'm helpful. 

  • Author
4 minutes ago, BERT said:

nah, he's much older than that

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

  • Author
2 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

Are you drawing those conclusions because they're 2 of the most idiotic posters on this site? They're not idiots due to inexperience. They're idiots because they've got room temperature IQs. At least Helobious is entertaining with his absurdly stupid takes. 

1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

Are you drawing those conclusions because they're 2 of the most idiotic posters on this site? They're not idiots due to inexperience. They're idiots because they've got room temperature IQs. At least Helobious is entertaining with his absurdly stupid takes. 

I met ztejas once at a tailgate dropping of beers for Immamac, and I think I've seen stuff referenced elsewhere. 

But make no mistake, in no way was I suggesting their idiocy is based on inexperience. 

  • Author
3 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I met ztejas once at a tailgate dropping of beers for Immamac, and I think I've seen stuff referenced elsewhere. 

But make no mistake, in no way was I suggesting their idiocy is based on inexperience. 

Was he the guy wearing pleated blue jeans?

19 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

 

16 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

As much as I’d like to distance myself from those 2, I’m 31

6 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

 

As much as I’d like to distance myself from those 2, I’m 31

Awkward Season 4 GIF by The Office

Ditto...

1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Never, ever say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required evacuating your DMs.

16 minutes ago, Zhorn96 said:

what's wrong with anal dildos?  Asking for a friend

Absolutely nothing, which is why using them as an insult isn't entirely kosher.

3 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

It's spelled logorrhea

I was told there would be no math

35 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Was he the guy wearing pleated blue jeans?

This is…suprsingly close. Or perhaps I should say unsurprisingly?

15 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

This is…suprsingly close. Or perhaps I should say unsurprisingly?

White stitching confirmed

hornlife is gone? 😢

He was a big part of this board for about three hours. What the hell we ‘sposed to do now?

image.gif.128ceebb389df4e4e9cb257517ec7989.gif

12 minutes ago, Vito Andolini said:

hornlife is gone? 😢

He was a big part of this board for about three hours. What the hell we ‘sposed to do now?

image.gif.128ceebb389df4e4e9cb257517ec7989.gif

I mixed him up with “horn4life”, who may be part of the Surly Rainbow Crew 🌈, so this was all quite confusing. 

But I should be 255 years old… and at that age, one is easily confused. 

image.jpeg.1ab0b1e6847ffa8c74907ef8dcb1fdb9.jpeg

3 hours ago, Rimbo said:

Absolutely nothing, which is why using them as an insult isn't entirely kosher.

A dildo is never kosher unless it comes out of the fridge.

3 hours ago, jeevsie said:

I was told there would be no math

it  was my understanding there would be no math

 

Gerald Ford, played by Chevy Chase, not the real President

3 hours ago, MuellerHorn said:

Awkward Season 4 GIF by The Office

Ditto...

This explains a lot about the lack of insight on this board. If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC? You missed a lot of football. I’m so old Greg Abbott was in my fraternity and was running the San Jacinto block. Holy shit I’m old. 

5 minutes ago, Bevo said:

Ha, lol, that was good.

Oglaf is almost always good.

And... almost always NSFW.

6 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

Oglaf is almost always good.

And... almost always NSFW.

Yeah, I need to make sure it didn’t open a new tab. I’m working with a few born again women currently - would not be good. Two thumbs down. 

19 minutes ago, Knewk210 said:

This explains a lot about the lack of insight on this board. If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC? You missed a lot of football. I’m so old Greg Abbott was in my fraternity and was running the San Jacinto block. Holy shit I’m old. 

It's true. All of the old people bitching about Playoff teams "not being our standard" sound astonishingy pompous when Texas has been floating around average for most of our lives. 

10 minutes ago, Bevo said:

Yeah, I need to make sure it didn’t open a new tab. I’m working with a few born again women currently - would not be good. Two thumbs down. 


Born again women are the best kind of sluts. Oh so I have heard. 

  • Popular Post
32 minutes ago, Knewk210 said:

This explains a lot about the lack of insight on this board. If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC? You missed a lot of football. I’m so old Greg Abbott was in my fraternity and was running the San Jacinto block. Holy shit I’m old. 

 

10 minutes ago, texifornia said:

It's true. All of the old people bitching about Playoff teams "not being our standard" sound astonishingy pompous when Texas has been floating around average for most of our lives. 

I’m almost 34 - born in 91. My father had season tickets when I was in elementary school and I grew up in the Austin area. Amazingly, I saw Ricky break the record in person. I’ve been attending basketball and baseball games as long as I remember. 4th & 5 was when I was in ninth grade. 2009 was my freshman year at Texas. Obviously, it was downhill after that. I’m old enough, and have been a Texas fan long enough, I’ve seen an era of largely fantastic Texas Football, as well as an inversely shitty one.

Regardless of my age, I’m happy to learn about the greater history of UT Sports from everyone here. Most of all, I’m happy Texas is a legitimate contender again.

Anyways, everyone back to shitposting. 

33 minutes ago, Bevo said:

Yeah, I need to make sure it didn’t open a new tab. I’m working with a few born again women currently - would not be good. Two thumbs down. 

Star Trek Kirk GIF

5 hours ago, Zhorn96 said:

what's wrong with anal dildos?  Asking for a friend

You do know what you can do with that dildo…..right?

1 hour ago, Knewk210 said:

If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC?

Figure It Out What GIF by CBC

You know a lot of 10/11 year olds wearing pull ups?

Edited by Js1

2 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Figure It Out What GIF by CBC

You know a lot of 10/11 year olds wearing pull ups?

Don’t fucking judge me. Came in handy pissing my pants before Lendale got fucking stuffed.

  • Popular Post
5 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Jason Derulo Performance GIF by NBC

 

 

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

12 minutes ago, Bodacious Bevo said:

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

                            Proudfootscowling.jpg.a4073f371b2eadcf0af5cab486a99918.jpg

Damn, I was a sophomore in college when we won the NC. Best night of my life, that had to suck being 10. 

7 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

I met ztejas once at a tailgate dropping of beers for Immamac, and I think I've seen stuff referenced elsewhere. 

But make no mistake, in no way was I suggesting their idiocy is based on inexperience. 


Make no mistake: my idiocy is based on my inferior genetic makeup, an inferior education, a substandard IQ, and approximately 127,000 beers consumed over several decades. My idiocy is experienced.

8 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

I’m 31 since it seems to matter to several on here, and please don’t compare me to that idiot. A year or two ago Derka tried to goad us into a 1v1 basketball game after ztejas posted some video of himself taking jump shots and I made fun him for it. But I wasn’t going to drive all the way up to Austin just to fucking dogwalk some internet guy at a public court. That was the most extensive exchange I cared to have with him.

I’m 27 and I’ve been observing you olds for quite some time. I think my first recruiting thread was the 2012 class thread. Might have been a freshman in HS. I remember landing Dalton Santos late and you guys crying about how fat he was. I also remember you guys posting the strangest built women to celebrate commitments. Like the letter “P”, but flipped. 

2 minutes ago, CastHorn said:

I’m 27 and I’ve been observing you olds for quite some time. I think my first recruiting thread was the 2012 class thread. Might have been a freshman in HS. I remember landing Dalton Santos late and you guys crying about how fat he was. I also remember you guys posting the strangest built women to celebrate commitments. Like the letter “P”, but flipped. 

Fucking hell. I literally have t-shirts in my closet older than you. I feel old.

6 hours ago, Bodacious Bevo said:

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Jason Derulo Performance GIF by NBC

 

 

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

Sir, we’re Gen X, not boomers. We’ve never had the numbers to create any kind of culture. And in already old. 
 

that being said your culture sounds turrible. 

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.