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JD Vance Fucked 5 couches as a hillbilly, then went on to kill the pope

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You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

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5 minutes ago, South Austin said:

You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

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I'll be...on my couch.

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JD’s Aunt knew…

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"Anyway, like I was sayin', the couch is the lady bits of furniture. You can rub it, grind on it, make love to it, massage it, lick it, play with it. There's um, sectional couches, love seats, modular couches. Camelback, Chaise, Divan, Mid-Century Modern, Chesterfield, Lawson, English Roll Arm, Daybed, Serpentine, Recamier. That's- that's about it." 

 

 

 

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Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

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I posted this on the Election thread but now that we have a JD thread, I feel it needs to be here as well.

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9 minutes ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

2 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

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I really, really, really hope they eventually have to issue a formal denial of this, will be fucking hilarious!

2 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

Ribbed for his pleasure. 

Just now, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

Couchgate.

8 minutes ago, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

This is how it started:

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Edited by YGIFS
And this thread is how it's going now...

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2 hours ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

Yet he wants to deprive you of your contraception.  

1 hour ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

By the way, even though this story is completely contrived, I want to see J.D. Vance deny that he ever had sexual relations with a couch.

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

Edited by Nicole44

Just now, Nicole44 said:

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

At least the hillbillies from West Virginia have the decency to burn these.  

I feel bad for JD, like fucking a couch is among the more normal, victimless, sexual behaviors when compared to the more malicious deviance of his GQP colleagues.  If only all violent perverts could assuage their carnal temptations via living room furniture, the world would be a better place. 

I'd just like to point out that somewhere in Indiana right now, there is a better than zero chance that Mike Pence is busy molesting an ottoman.  

When the speaker of the house fucks a couch does it notify his son? 

When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 
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He's Vance's Epstein.

It's kind of a miracle that JD Vance was able to fuck all those couches and not get his dick lit on fire when he was at Ohio State.

JD Vance: Sofa King

55 minutes ago, tchookem said:
8 hours ago, Ted Lange said:
When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 
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He's Vance's Epstein.

McIngvale's Island

Spoiler

Kids Couch Children Sofa Cute Cartoon Lazy Folding Small Sofas Bed Girl  Princess Baby Toddler Dual-purpose Kids Chair Furniture

 

I mean, c'mon.  That Avocado pit hole isn't just asking for it?  They're all asking for it, all the time Joey! 

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39 minutes ago, MrBig said:

 

I think we all know that when JD Vance enters the upholstery, it's no longer a couch and it becomes a loveseat. 

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So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

9 hours ago, Horn Dog said:

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He wishes, that hole is way to big.

Oh wait, now I see it, you must be talking about the hole the right... ok, that makes more sense.

Every orgy needs a witness.

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3 hours ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

So this couple gets 6 votes right?

29 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Every orgy needs a witness.

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Once you go black... am I right?

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