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This thread is for the goofy, the profound, the odd. For quotes that helped you define your life; for quotes that were merely ridiculous in context. Enough blather, here we go.

Quote

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

--Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Quote

If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn.

--Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

You can't believe everything you read on the internet.

- Abraham Lincoln

Quote

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” 
 Mark Twain

Quote

“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.” 
 Mark Twain

Quote

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” 
 Mark Twain

 

Don't let the perfect (best) be the enemy of the good. - Voltaire

Quote

Joe Louis is a hundred thirty-seven years old.

-Clarence from My T Sharp.

  • Author

Quoting either Vonnegut or Mark Twain is almost like cheating. Ambrose Bierce is definitely cheating.

Quote

No regrets, that's my motto. Well... that and everyone Wang Chung tonight.

- Luke

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

George W. Bush

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

One for the ditch(talking about having one last adult beverage at whatever establishment you're at)

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

Quoting either Vonnegut or Mark Twain is almost like cheating. Ambrose Bierce is definitely cheating.

Ah, I didn't realize the extent to which you were aiming for the profane, odd, or obscure.

Best quote I've heard about being born with a silver spoon in one's mouth (and it gets thrown around a lot lately):

Quote

He was born on 3rd base and thinks he hit a triple.

 

  • Author
22 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Ah, I didn't realize the extent to which you were aiming for the profane, odd, or obscure.

Best quote I've heard about being born with a silver spoon in one's mouth (and it gets thrown around a lot lately):

 

Actually, no preference. Just... notable will do. I mean, I started this by quoting Vonnegut, so...

Born on 3rd base, and then he TOOTBLAN'd...

Edited by Rimbo

"fool me once, shame on you.  fool me twice, well... uh.... you cant fool me again"

-barack obama

Born on third base, loudy claims he's on second, secretly thinks he hit a homerun is more descriptive nowadays

Quote

The mountains are calling and I must go  

John Muir.    That quote means a lot to me.   Especially now that I don't leave anywhere close to a mountain anymore.

"I hate people, but I love gatherings.  Isn't it ironic?"

Edited by Knoxtnhorn

do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but self expect applause -richard burton

 

 

Romanes eunt domum - Brian 

53 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said:

"I drank what?"

-Socrates

Ah, famous last words, that's a whole 'nother realm right there along with the last things a person heard.

"I drank what?"
-Socrates

Just coming here to post this - Real Genius rules... that and San Dimas High School Football!

“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life “

- Dean Wormer

I never drink water. Fish fuck in it.  -  W C Fields

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best,knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Teddy Roosevelt

Don’t half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Ron Swanson

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

Seize the carp.

Carpe Per Diem -- Robin Williams

Life is a sucking swirling ebb of despair. (barfly)

Success leads to the greatest failure, which is arrogance and pride. Failure can lead to the greatest success, which is humility and learning. (David Brooks)

 

Have you ever noticed how much they look like orchids?  Beautiful. - Robert Heinlein

She's so fine, there's no telling where the money went. - Robert Palmer

A hard dick has no conscience. - Various sages

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."

Feel free to replace “music business” with your chosen profession.

Talk to me, Goose.

You're not going to be happy unless you're going Mach 2 with your hair on fire.

You'll get nothing and like it!

Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid!

I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!

Right. That's bad. Okay. Alright, important safety tip. Thanks Egon.

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Well it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! 

Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

 What is your major malfunction numbnuts? Didn't mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

Sir, Does this mean Ann Margret is not coming?

Joker...  I want you to get straight up to Phu Bai. Captain January will need all his people.

 

 

"I admit that when I was with the Browns, I didn't study my game plans and prepare like I should have. But I have matured and will show that I can play this game at a high level. It's not like I would ever throw 4 picks in one half. I'm a baller".

J Manziel

"You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."

-- David Foster Wallace

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it - Mark Twain

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill
 

It don't make a shit - Super Bill Bradley

If it flies, floats or fucks...rent it - Various sources

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