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Carpetbagging weasel faced smarmy little bitch, Ted Cruz

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Yeah, I know his name and his standup material from radio.  I’m not much for podcasts.  I just couldn’t place the voice when I saw his mug.  
 

Was this run in with Cruz in Houston, I assume?   Tom’s place in Austin is quite swank and even smarmy douche Ted wouldn’t buy a third home at that price point in Tom’s Austin HOA.  Cruz used to stay out in Steiner Ranch when in Austin.  Maybe Tom’s development has more modestly priced townhomes in the front or something?  
the motherfucker, daughterfucker thing does sound like the awkward conversation Ted makes when trying to be funny.  But I mean c’mon, Heidifucker was right there!

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  • Wow I didn’t know that, not to be rude but is there a source on that?  I cannot imagine living with a national public figure for a parent, who not only spreads that hate to a huge audience but is also

  • SIAP

  • atomheartbevo
    atomheartbevo

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/ruben-gallego-hurls-expletives-ted-002927543.html Rep. Ruben Gallego hurled profanity at Sen. Ted Cruz after the Texas Republican worried that Democrats and the media w

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Wife and I just finished his new special on Netflix, which was the first time either of us have seen him perform. I love hearing my wife laugh, and she did so almost the whole show. Good times.

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

44 minutes ago, Hmbre97 said:

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

OK, Ted. 

6 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

Why you motherfucker!!  It's real to me!

 

7 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

Sounds like something a daughter fucker might say.

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.
I bet you're a blast at parties
9 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

Even if it's fake, it makes more sense with Ted Cruz than any other possible politician.

11 minutes ago, Disco Strangler said:

Sounds like something a daughter fucker might say.

kiss-embarrassed.gif  kto-kounotoritoken.gif

 

1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

God damn that's so awkward

Awkward is one of his superpowers.

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He gets it from his father.

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12 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Was this run in with Cruz in Houston, I assume?   Tom’s place in Austin is quite swank and even smarmy douche Ted wouldn’t buy a third home at that price point in Tom’s Austin HOA.

Side note - How does Ted Cruz afford his lifestyle as a career public employee? Is Heidi Cruz the bankroll? Don't get me wrong, a typical MD at Goldman makes a very good living, but even at that, it seems like stretching. 

Edited by Bozo_Casanova

1 hour ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Side note - How does Ted Cruz afford his lifestyle as a career public employee? Is Heidi Cruz the bankroll? Don't get me wrong, an MD at Goldman makes a very good living, but even with that they've got to be stretching. 

You of all people should know the grifting opportunities he is most definitely taking advantage of.

9 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Side note - How does Ted Cruz afford his lifestyle as a career public employee? Is Heidi Cruz the bankroll? Don't get me wrong, a typical MD at Goldman makes a very good living, but even at that, it seems like stretching. 

If you google his net worth you get estimates of 3-4 million (likely what Stephen king cited), but they’re all from 5 or more years ago. If you add 2023 the top responses put him somewhere between 40-44 million which makes more sense with his pay, and his grifting since going maga.

18 hours ago, SizzleChest said:

NSIAP.

 

 

12 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

The Segura bit about Ted Cruz is fake, lol. I've seen a few different people say that he's told that bit before but the "neighbor" changes. I know that's not solid intel like TikTok comments but I doubt it's real.

I mean it’s pretty obvious that it’s a bit. He did use Ted Cruz when we saw him in Austin at the Moody Theater. Fucking hilarious.

30 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Side note - How does Ted Cruz afford his lifestyle as a career public employee? Is Heidi Cruz the bankroll? Don't get me wrong, a typical MD at Goldman makes a very good living, but even at that, it seems like stretching. 

is this a serious question? he's corrupt as fuck. next question.

Easy to pick up a few bucks when you write a book and have your campaign purchase half of the publications.

And doesn't Cancun Cruz live in Houston?

13 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

And doesn't Cancun Cruz live in Houston?

ted-cruz-dog-snowflake-fc6ffe612ada4e838c9de6cb1b0e2427.thumb.jpg.6b51d376f4ed49b735978e9678de449c.jpg

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On 5/21/2023 at 1:49 PM, Grade of D as in David said:

I'm shocked he didn't launch an investigation into White Claw after the Astros World Series victory parade.

 

tumblr_7abccf31045e35b76050e204502a12be_34f0c6b4_400.gif.e2f3836f1af24892403065eee56f581a.gif

W would have caught that

11 hours ago, elfenix said:

ted-cruz-dog-snowflake-fc6ffe612ada4e838c9de6cb1b0e2427.thumb.jpg.6b51d376f4ed49b735978e9678de449c.jpg

image.thumb.jpeg.e2306aae43bd4e0003ecb00a9a91e116.jpeg

8 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

W would have caught that

Lina Hidalgo did catch one

56 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

W would have caught that

image.thumb.jpeg.e2306aae43bd4e0003ecb00a9a91e116.jpeg

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Disclosure isn't the same thing as outlawing. Still, this would be the most monumental thing ted would have accomplished while in the Senate.

My wife's company in HQ'd in Kansas City.  They had to make a rule banning air fryers in that office because apparently everyone had one at their desk.  I imagine the lights dimmed at lunch when everyone was cooking their chicken strips and fries.

Edited by kevwun

On 7/11/2023 at 11:31 PM, Macanudo said:

And doesn't Cancun Cruz live in Houston?

On Ella Lee just west of Kirby. 

25 minutes ago, 4th&Five said:

 

Thank God.  I would love to be able to masturbate in front of my air fryer without the government watching.

1 hour ago, South Austin said:

Thank God.  I would love to be able to masturbate in front of my air fryer without the government watching.

My policy is: I'm comfortable with my body. You know, if someone wants to help themselves to an eyefull, well, I say, 'Enjoy the show.'

image.thumb.jpeg.e2306aae43bd4e0003ecb00a9a91e116.jpeg

I’m not asking for a Ted Cruz / Buffalo Bill tuck dance gif
14 minutes ago, Eskimohorn said:


I’m not asking for a Ted Cruz / Buffalo Bill tuck dance gif

You son of a bitch. 

1 hour ago, kevwun said:

My wife's company in HQ'd in Kansas City.  They had to make a rule banning air fryers in that office because apparently everyone had one at their desk.  I imagine the lights dimmed at lunch when everyone was cooking their chicken strips and fries.

Is This Heaven Am I In Heaven GIF - Is This Heaven Am I In ...

3 hours ago, Eskimohorn said:


I’m not asking for a Ted Cruz / Buffalo Bill tuck dance gif

image.png.0b15e0aaa5ebe4f079fc5039be821b6d.png

6 hours ago, South Austin said:

Thank God.  I would love to be able to masturbate in front of my air fryer without the government watching.

Arrested Development Tobias GIF

So Ted's most recent 3 bill sponsorships regard:

1.  Moving up the confirmation dates for future CDC directors.  Largely procedural, but part of the job-I get it.

2.  Prohibiting JROTC programs (S.2234) to be established at educational institutions "owned or controlled by the Chinese Communist Party."  You know that thing where all of our children have to go to CCP high schools in small town Texas.  And the only way out is to get a JROTC scholarship?  'Member?  I 'member.  Thank god we're putting a stop to that thing that happens never.  

3.  No air fryer wi-fi cameras.  

All in all, I'd say Ted is really tackling what we elected him to Washington to accomplish.  

18 hours ago, royiv said:

On Ella Lee just west of Kirby. 

This is dangerous for me to know. I have bags of dog shit to dispose of everyday and that's a three minute drive. Meanwhile, in my subsconscious...

Ben Stiller GIF - Ben Stiller GIFs 

Perhaps, like me, he knows the information is out there but not reason to broadcast it.  He and his enabler wife are fair game for public humiliation and harassment, but his daughters live there too.  

All children under 18, and any children over 18 not involved in family politics or business, should not be mentally harassed.  That's where Ted comes in.  

1 hour ago, FartingDreamer said:

I was returning his drive-by neg repping.  Fuck Ted Cruz.

I asked you via PM for an example of where I have given you a drive-by neg. You have been unable to do so. I neg your bullshit BYU crap in the leftovers thread on the football board. Quit being a pussy.

And I already told you and gave you an example, now quit being a little bitch.  

2 minutes ago, FartingDreamer said:

And I already told you and gave you an example, now quit being a little bitch.  

Look asshole, you have done no such thing. Here's our PM thread.Screenshot_20230714_161709_Chrome.thumb.jpg.86e1d4dce57795277b719e34986b9753.jpgScreenshot_20230714_161723_Chrome.thumb.jpg.84ed67aed5dd07633e713344e7956ae0.jpg

Please point to where you provided an example. Now if you would like to continue this conversation, take it back to PMs where it belongs instead of clogging up the board with this stupid shit.

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You're both adults whining about internet points

And my point is whining about adult internets.     wait, was that out loud?  

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