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Carpetbagging weasel faced smarmy little bitch, Ted Cruz

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#5801
On 7/13/2023 at 2:10 PM, Eskimohorn said:


I’m not asking for a Ted Cruz / Buffalo Bill tuck dance gif

There was a thread here or on TOS of "what celeb have you been told you look like" and I forgot to add a Harris Co deputy told me I looked like BB and, as he was writing up my red tag, if I told him to put lotion on his skin he was throwing me out of his car. He looked like exactly like Super Troopers' Farva. So that was pretty weird. 

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    https://www.yahoo.com/news/ruben-gallego-hurls-expletives-ted-002927543.html Rep. Ruben Gallego hurled profanity at Sen. Ted Cruz after the Texas Republican worried that Democrats and the media w

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#5802
2 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Wow a mewling quim duel broke out in this thread. I guess that’s apropos. 

Dibs on Mewling Quim for my new age/emo crossover band.

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#5803
4 hours ago, Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand said:

There was a thread here or on TOS of "what celeb have you been told you look like" and I forgot to add a Harris Co deputy told me I looked like BB and, as he was writing up my red tag, if I told him to put lotion on his skin he was throwing me out of his car. He looked like exactly like Super Troopers' Farva. So that was pretty weird. 

So he was a great big fat person?

 

#5806
On 7/14/2023 at 10:03 PM, Biff Tannen said:

Dibs on Mewling Quim for my new age/emo crossover band.

It was used in a Disney movie already, so pretty sure there are dozens of bands named Mewling Quim.

#5809
1 hour ago, atomheartbevo said:

It was used in a Disney movie already, so pretty sure there are dozens of bands named Mewling Quim.

Wat

#5810
54 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

I guess we need a douchebag central forum

Dear Douchebag Central Forum,

I've been reading these letters for years, and I never thought it could happen to me.  But then one day Ted Cruz became my Senator...

#5812
You're both adults whining about internet points

You know you’re reaching a new low when an adult with the handle “safe sex” correctly calls you out.
#5815

 

Ted says the Barbie movie is brainwashing young girls with Chinese propaganda.

 

 Ted is now worried about Barbie in addition to Muppets and M&Ms.   He really has a type, doesn't he.

#5816

I know most girls age 4-14 get their geopolitical maps from Barbie movies.  My daughter has some Barbie classroom set and there's a map on one of the walls of the U.S.  And you can barely make out anything on it.  So instead of coming up with excuses to constantly be away from my daughters because I know they hate me to their core (and for good reason), I got my oldest a globe and a print children's atlas.  And she loves looking up places and understanding how maps & coordinates work.  But I guess that's why Ted gets all the "World's Greatest Dad" mugs on Father's Day and I got a homemade coffee coaster.

#5821
10 hours ago, HenryJames said:

image.png.a17f1ec4b1dea3f400a0a21f2b5a5b76.png

A doll won’t fight back if you take her clothes off - and she can’t be forced to carry to term.  And Mattel has links to China….

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#5824

image.png.7963f2b4980794b48bafbf089c50cb2b.png

chef's kiss:

Quote

And then there are the Kens – specifically, one Ken, wholly inhabited by a brilliantly dim Ryan Gosling (until he becomes obsessed with toxic masculinity, i.e., The Patriachy). This Ken, along with a host of other living boy dolls, steals the show with the musical number, "I'm Just Ken," which is destined to go down in queer history alongside other classic homoerotic movie musical moments like "The Aggie Song" from "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas," and "Take Off with Us" from "All That Jazz."

 

Edited by Beau Vine

  • 2 weeks later...
#5825

I have to assume this has been posted before but if not, enjoy. (Actually, even if it has and you've seen't it before, it's worth a rewatch.)

 

#5826
1 hour ago, C-Man said:

I have to assume this has been posted before but if not, enjoy. (Actually, even if it has and you've seen't it before, it's worth a rewatch.)

 

It has and someone is going to eventually say how he changes the politician's name based on location.  Sorry to burst that bubble.

#5827
35 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

It has and someone is going to eventually say how he changes the politician's name based on location.  Sorry to burst that bubble.

Oh well, funny bit regardless.

#5829
13 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

In an intellectual battle between Ted Cruz and a Barbie, Ted is at a severe disadvantage

And he'd lose a dick-measuring contest w/ Ken. 

#5831
3 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

It has and someone is going to eventually say how he changes the politician's name based on location.  Sorry to burst that bubble.

Well Cruz had to deny it, so that's all that matters. :)

  • 3 weeks later...
#5832

 

Ted still desperately trying to get some traction out of a Dylan Mulvaney Bud Light can.

 

#5835

we have the dumbest fucking morons as our elected officials in this state:

Holy crap. https://t.co/PEfQikM0Cd

 

#5836

Will Ferrell Comedy GIF by filmeditor
 

I’m told this is a joke. In LA, you never know… 🤷🏻‍♂️And everyone please stay safe from the storm or otherwise.

 

Edited by Js1

#5839

"I'm told this is a joke"???

Ted is the kinda guy you out to see George Carlin or Louis CK or Maria Bamford and he never gets any of the material so you have to explain it to him in real time, and then he turns to the table next to him and says, as they're laughing hysterically, "Hahaha, yes.  I'm told this is a joke."  

Just say "It's a frequently used meme or internet hoax or whatever."  An adult human should never have to say, "I'm told this is a joke."  Just go full Cruz and say, "My staff is reporting this comedic trickery and/or horseplay."  

Yep, I'm going there.  "Heidi, I'm told this is intercourse."  

#5840

"In LA, you never know."

You know, what with the homeless shark population breaking into car windows and generally being an eyesore. Something something don't go woke.

#5844
5 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Yep, I'm going there.  "Heidi, I'm told this is intercourse."  

"Heidi, do humans enjoy this intercourse?"

Also, reminder, Musk is getting rid of blocking, so people can soon post all kinds of stuff in response to Ted's tweets and his intern can't block you.

#5845
19 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

 

Also, reminder, Musk is getting rid of blocking, so people can soon post all kinds of stuff in response to Ted's tweets and his intern can't block you.

I suspect the blocking ban will not extend to R politicians.

#5846
On 8/21/2023 at 10:16 AM, BigOrange1 said:

we have the dumbest fucking morons as our elected officials in this state:

Holy crap. https://t.co/PEfQikM0Cd

 

“He’s way gullible…just like us!!”

#5848

How in the fuck do you Texans keep sending that guy back to DC? JHC!

Isn't there someone else who can represent his shitty values and not be anywhere near the tool bag Cruz is?

#5849
35 minutes ago, Thrawn said:

How in the fuck do you Texans keep sending that guy back to DC? JHC!

Isn't there someone else who can represent his shitty values and not be anywhere near the tool bag Cruz is?

 

Gerrymandering and all his constituents care about is owning the libs, keeping their guns and propping up O&G

#5850
24 minutes ago, Smax said:

 

Gerrymandering and all his constituents care about is owning the libs, keeping their guns and propping up O&G

There's no gerrymandering the state borders.  They are what they are.  

The rest of that is spot on though.  

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