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Official Bitch about your Family Thread 2024: Holiday Edition

Featured Replies

9 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

One fucking hand towel for 50 people.

I used the curtains.

Those hosts are embarrassingly stupid. Get more towels or have paper towels for guests. 

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15 hours ago, Nivek said:


I brought a football to toss with my eldest. So I guess there is that.

This is required for any family gathering.  I brought an athletics bag with 2 sized soccer balls, 3 sizes of football and a basketball. At 10am on Friday morning my FIL and his brother decided to turn on Fox News and talk about everyone who needs to be deported. So I rounded up my son and 2 cousins in the room to go to the park to throw the football and kick the soccer ball.  That was an hour well spent away from the rest of the family. When we got back football was on.

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

Those hosts are embarrassingly stupid. Get more towels or have paper towels for guests. 

I was pretty hammered, but I think I was making many jokes about it. Loudly.

On 11/25/2024 at 12:34 PM, Parliament said:

If your family has no black sheep, it means YOU are the black sheep.

 

50 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I was pretty hammered, but I think I was making many jokes about it. Loudly.

I may have found some correlation to Parliament's theory here....

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On 11/29/2024 at 8:11 AM, MissingInAction said:

I want pics of this cannon.

She is beautiful. 
 

image.thumb.png.87e710f7a4e4eec0974134c0cf0c9e49.png

5 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Those hosts are embarrassingly stupid. Get more towels or have paper towels for guests. 

I haven’t seen hand soap in my parent’s house in a decade. The only time I carry hand sanitizer is when we go over there. 

1 hour ago, Telegraph_it said:

She is beautiful. 
 

image.thumb.png.87e710f7a4e4eec0974134c0cf0c9e49.png

Any room left in that garage for you to drink alone? 

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2 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

She is beautiful. 
 

image.thumb.png.87e710f7a4e4eec0974134c0cf0c9e49.png

 

 

Meanwhile, behind the camera...

 

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2 hours ago, Underdog said:

Any room left in that garage for you to drink alone? 

You should see the frikin barn. About a dozen odd tractor and tractor accessories between the pecan processing machinery.  Have to drink standing up. 

3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Fucking kick ass!

Do y'all fire any lead out of it or just powder?

Apparently lead. With my wife’s uncle you can never be too sure. I will say I haven’t seen any shot lying around. 

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4 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

She is beautiful. 
 

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Aggy should have borrowed this one this morning. 

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Aggy should have borrowed this one this morning. 

What’s the old saying, “It’s a shitty Cosplay artillery man who blames his tools.”

11 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Where is @pearlandhorn in all this holiday drama?

Pretty chill thanksgiving honestly.

No extended family this holiday. Christmas will be the story maker this year.

On 11/30/2024 at 4:26 PM, MissingInAction said:

Looks like a 10 pounder. Maybe 12.

TWSS

On 11/30/2024 at 4:26 PM, MissingInAction said:

Looks like a 10 pounder. Maybe 12.

so a 254mm? Interesting selection. Army Brat swears by them from his time on the Crimea peninsula.

Spent Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family.  She has an absurd number of siblings and they all live near each other in a shithole on the coast.  Ultra-conservative, ultra-ultra catholic.  All my like-minded people who are anti-Trump and/or agnostic were either at their other family’s or just bailed altogether.  So I spent the weekend feeling very lonely.  
 

These people make the characters from Hillbilly Elegy look guilded.  They all make such poor life decisions that are very difficult to look past.  The main house has 2 slushy machines and 3 ice cream dispensers that are always running.  My kids had more sugar Th-Sat than they had in the previous month combined.  All the kids except mine are walking around like zombies streaming YouTube or video games on their iPhones.  There were 3 cups with bleeding-ear Trump pictures (“Fight! Fight! Fight!”) on them at the table where I ate my Thanksgiving dinner.  Had to listen to my cousin’s wife yap about how great RFK Jr was gonna be and how dangerous vaccines are while everybody else yepped along like fucking Boomhauer from King of the Hill.

There really wasn’t much drama.  And I had a good time watching us beat the Aggies with my dad.  But all in all I’d be just fine never celebrating Thanksgiving there again.

What the fuck is wrong with ice cream machines?  and if they didn't have booze in the slushy machines, that was a concoction that would render me bored.

Only a communist could hate home slushy and ice cream machines. Why are you so communist?

Well, fuck. So much for a "drama-free" holiday season around ol' Thunder's casa.

Why in the ever-living fuck would someone send out wedding invitations for a Saturday during football season, let alone during the holidays?

Wife's niece (fat fucking bitch, even vic would pass) thought it was a bright idea.

 

5 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Well, fuck. So much for a "drama-free" holiday season around ol' Thunder's casa.

Why in the ever-living fuck would someone send out wedding invitations for a Saturday during football season, let alone during the holidays?

Wife's niece (fat fucking bitch, even vic would pass) thought it was a bright idea.

 

First year of true CFP, 12 games, 3 on Sat 21 Dec, including the 4:00 game in Austin. I’m sorry, I would not attend that wedding. 

Just now, nnm said:

First year of true CFP, 12 games, 3 on Sat 21 Dec, including the 4:00 game in Austin. I’m sorry, I would not attend that wedding. 

 

Um... it's next September. And I won't be attending, unless we have a bye (and I also don't have to drive.)

 

15 hours ago, nnm said:

First year of true CFP, 12 games, 3 on Sat 21 Dec, including the 4:00 game in Austin. I’m sorry, I would not attend that wedding. 

*3:00 in Austin.

15 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

 

Um... it's next September. And I won't be attending, unless we have a bye (and I also don't have to drive.)

 

Plenty of time to buy a gift and send that to the wedding instead of yourself. Don't go! 

1 minute ago, Longboard Horn said:

Plenty of time to buy a gift and send that to the wedding instead of yourself. Don't go! 


It’s already been said: “Better hope we have a bye that weekend, else you’re riding with your sister.”

 

Just now, thunderlounge said:


It’s already been said: “Better hope we have a bye that weekend, else you’re riding with your sister.”

 

Fake sick, stay home, get drunk, watch game, masturbate to Arch showing complete dominance. Better than any wedding unless your wife or a bridesmaid offers to suck you off in the broom closet at the reception. 

  • 2 weeks later...

One week until Christmas eve. I'm guessing you travelers will be hitting the roads and airports en masse this weekend. Be safe out there.

On 12/8/2024 at 12:43 PM, thunderlounge said:

Well, fuck. So much for a "drama-free" holiday season around ol' Thunder's casa.

Why in the ever-living fuck would someone send out wedding invitations for a Saturday during football season, let alone during the holidays?

Wife's niece (fat fucking bitch, even vic would pass) thought it was a bright idea.

 

get the happy couple a heating lamp 

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'll be hitting the bottle

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Bi-polar multi millionaire heir is refusing to come out of his room. This is his own prerogative. He’s 36. Holidays stress me out, too. Meal went off without a hitch. Until….. we were sitting down about to have desert and go along our merry ways. Knock on the door _____ville Police. Hmmm. Odd in this neighborhood with mega mansions all over. “We’ve learned that you have keeping a prisoner/slave in your basement. (You guessed it, where the cousin lives). We assure them that’s not the case. The do some investigating and cousin had called during dinner to “get some help” but more than likely to cause a scene. Paramedics wanted to take him in a 5150 hold but we refused. Planning intervention now. Last time he spent a year in NYC at some study. Came back feeling great on his meds. No the meds make him numb and he hates us. Oh well! Not as bad as the MIL throwing my desert in the trash because others liked mine more last year, but it’s always something.

Christ on a cracker its 1/3 over. Had 50 people over last night. Only one argument. I refuse to rehash past grievances so I after all the younguns retired to the patio with a case of wine I put on some Christmas jazz and chilled. I'm becoming my late father. I'll work like hell and pay good money for a big party but when I'm done I need a quiet room and some topo chicos.

It was cold, and I had several propane firepits and heaters going. My main goal was to keep all my cousins kids from setting themselves or each other on fire. Mission accomplished.

Made a gumbo from the meat and stock of a 12 lb Greenberg and that is just about the tastiest thing ever.

19 hours ago, ocugolf said:

Bi-polar multi millionaire heir is refusing to come out of his room. This is his own prerogative. He’s 36. Holidays stress me out, too. Meal went off without a hitch. Until….. we were sitting down about to have desert and go along our merry ways. Knock on the door _____ville Police. Hmmm. Odd in this neighborhood with mega mansions all over. “We’ve learned that you have keeping a prisoner/slave in your basement. (You guessed it, where the cousin lives). We assure them that’s not the case. The do some investigating and cousin had called during dinner to “get some help” but more than likely to cause a scene. Paramedics wanted to take him in a 5150 hold but we refused. Planning intervention now. Last time he spent a year in NYC at some study. Came back feeling great on his meds. No the meds make him numb and he hates us. Oh well! Not as bad as the MIL throwing my desert in the trash because others liked mine more last year, but it’s always something.

Please tell me you're making another dessert to one up her again this year. 

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Had Xmas at my mom's yesterday.  Watching the Vikings game, and I cuss at something going wrong and immediately apologize for cussing in front of my 9 year old nephew and 5 year old niece.  My brother goes "no big deal.  Every time you swear, Nephew is allowed to say that word too."

About 10 minutes later Seattle takes the lead and I instinctively go "SHIT".

Nephew (at top of his lungs):  "SHIIIIIT"

Niece (excitedly):  "Can I say 'shit' too????"

My wife:  death dagger gaze

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Had Xmas at my mom's yesterday.  Watching the Vikings game, and I cuss at something going wrong and immediately apologize for cussing in front of my 9 year old nephew and 5 year old niece.  My brother goes "no big deal.  Every time you swear, Nephew is allowed to say that word too."

About 10 minutes later Seattle takes the lead and I instinctively go "SHIT".

Nephew (at top of his lungs):  "SHIIIIIT"

Niece (excitedly):  "Can I say 'shit' too????"

My wife:  death dagger gaze

And you said? Or did the outside hope of getting laid win?

  • Popular Post
2 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Please tell me you're making another dessert to one up her again this year. 

Making the pecan cobbler from Cooper’s in Llano. She happens to take pride in her pecan pie. So, I’ll win. Is it petty? Yep. Do i care?? Not in the slightest 

5 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Making the pecan cobbler from Cooper’s in Llano. She happens to take pride in her pecan pie. So, I’ll win. Is it petty? Yep. Do i care?? Not in the slightest 

 

fuck yeah success GIF

10 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

Making the pecan cobbler from Cooper’s in Llano. She happens to take pride in her pecan pie. So, I’ll win. Is it petty? Yep. Do i care?? Not in the slightest 

Never let them win.  It only empowers them and their antics. 

26 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

And you said? Or did the outside hope of getting laid win?

I had nothing to say.  I already knew I wasn't getting laid yesterday by that point.

My goal is to make up for it tomorrow night getting all of my daughter's toys assembled after she goes to bed.

  • Popular Post

 

3 hours ago, ocugolf said:

Making the pecan cobbler from Cooper’s in Llano. She happens to take pride in her pecan pie. So, I’ll win. Is it petty? Yep. Do i care?? Not in the slightest 

You're gonna need to post the Cooper's pecan cobbler recipe.  Thanks in advance.

Not really bitching about family per se, b/c I get along fine with both my family and my in-laws, but more about the amount of time I have to spend being surrounded by people over the next 10 days.

I'm not a loner by any means, but I'm definitely a bit of an introvert and I enjoy my personal (quiet) time. I also am a creature of habit. Hitting the road tomorrow to go spend Xmas Eve and Xmas Day doing shit with my side of the family at my folks place. Then Thursday and Friday visiting the wife's family in Louisiana. Get back to Houston on Saturday just in time for my wife's best friend and her new boyfriend (who I've never met) to fly in from Colorado to stay with us until the 2nd. Tonight is more or less my last night of normalcy until next weekend.

Edited by Storm the Field

4 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I had nothing to say.  I already knew I wasn't getting laid yesterday by that point.

My goal is to make up for it tomorrow night getting all of my daughter's toys assembled after she goes to bed.

Ah, yes. The most peaceful three hours of the year. 

31 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Ah, yes. The most peaceful three hours of the year. 

 

I kinda miss those peaceful times. I guess it's from all the hustle surrounding it that makes it that much more appreciated.

My in-laws tore down their perfectly good house earlier this year, so now they’re living in the 1br barndominium while the new house is under construction. MIL still insisted on hosting Christmas. I offered to host 3 different times. No luck. So I get to spend Christmas in a barn and travel trailer. MIL will spend the whole time bitching about how small the kitchen is. I made the mistake of asking if they even had a Christmas tree. Of course the answer was no. Now my wife wants to take our tree with us. That ain’t happening.

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