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Featured Replies

14 hours ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Doubled down this evening at Subway and ordered the exact same combination that ruined my pants except this time with penne pasta. 
If there is a portent of things to come, let it be the belabored squirting, farting, and heaving noises of the sauce bottle as she liberally applied it to my pasta.
It was enough to make any poster on this thread or child under 12 laugh spontaneously with no saving throw. 
Obviously I deserve whatever happens next but now that I suspect an enemy camped at the gate, I won't get surprised again. 

SMH. The crazy things people will do to create content and get likes.

(teasing)

  • 2 weeks later...

Hate to always be a stickler but language matters. That ain't a shart that's full on shitting your pants.

  • Author
22 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Hate to always be a stickler but language matters. That ain't a shart that's full on shitting your pants.

You're not wrong, but it's a spectrum. 

If you thought it was a fart but you pooped a little or a lot, it's still a shart. 

On 3/28/2025 at 3:04 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

You're not wrong, but it's a spectrum. 

If you thought it was a fart but you pooped a little or a lot, it's still a shart. 

I suppose, but with that much poop, I’m not sure how it could be misjudged for gas. The magma pressure should be identifiable. This person needs better judgement and awareness of their own body.

  • 2 weeks later...

I went camping with the dad & daughters group. The food is always ridiculously good, and there is always plenty of it. There was steak with chimmichurri sauce for dinner, and nachos with birria pork for later night snack.

I ripped a few rotten farts, but the tent has good ventilation.

One of the dads however, came up to me and told me he shit his pants. Why he told me? I have no clue. But apparently he loved the chimmichurri so much, the steak was just a vehicle to move the sauce from the plate into his mouth. I guess all that olive oil lubed him up pretty good and he made a big ol’ mess. Ended up throwing away his underwear. 

8 hours ago, Superhero said:

 

One of the dads however, came up to me and told me he shit his pants. Why he told me? I have no clue. 

You think that was a coincidence? You're a microcosm of this thread; a beacon for the hopelessly distressed who've shit their pants and have no one to turn to. You're now a confidant and protectorate. Think of this as equity earned from participating in these threads over the years now channeled into a benefit for mankind.
Username checks out. 🤘
 

I’m thinking fight club scenario, it was him all along.

4 hours ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

You think that was a coincidence? You're a microcosm of this thread; a beacon for the hopelessly distressed who've shit their pants and have no one to turn to. You're now a confidant and protectorate. Think of this as equity earned from participating in these threads over the years now channeled into a benefit for mankind.
Username checks out. 🤘
 

Are you saying I'm the lube / conduit for real-life shart experiences onto this thread?

Not sure if I should be flattered...

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

Edited by Marfa Low Crown
Had to add the aura thing about sharting

On 3/16/2025 at 11:13 AM, Js1 said:

But what were the toppings 

I used to kind of like Subway, dating back to my days at Castilian when the offered menu was no bueno.  Because I am an old, there was a Subway on the corner of 24th and San Antonio.

YGIFs got me off the Subway train pretty effectively, but I'd probably still eat a BMT in a pinch, or ham n cheese.

Now my first thought about pizza at Subway is "who dares wins," or loses as it were.

  • Author
39 minutes ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

Real recognize real. 

1 hour ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

13 minutes ago, Superhero said:

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. 

nocountry5-8068_200x200.jpg.902c1181ddc3b6f81b83d4a648d340b0.jpg

In case anyone wonders about the talent on this thread, I present the Carson Wells of sphincters.
 

  • Author
22 minutes ago, Superhero said:

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

Sound like you're due. 

 

30 minutes ago, Superhero said:

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

 

On 3/28/2025 at 2:40 PM, 'stache said:

Hate to always be a stickler but language matters. That ain't a shart that's full on shitting your pants.

 

On 4/14/2025 at 3:13 PM, Superhero said:

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

Shartdar

Whew, crisis averted.  Tried out a new Mexican place (I live in Georgia) today.  Meh fajitas, meh margs.  Come home and putter about the house.  Just went in to have a piss and my gut grumbles said SIT DOWN!  Sat down to piss like a bitch and my asshole said welcome to the party, pal.  Close, but still not in the race this year.

On 3/17/2025 at 8:32 AM, nnm said:

Repeat failure in the downtown Doubletree St. Louis. Because I slept poorly, I did not remember yesterday’s debacle and as I woke up, I let out the customary morning release. Gaseous liquid. Nice stain on the sheets for housekeeping. 

PRO tip: don’t stay at the downtown Courtyard in St. Louis.

Figured out the issue was/is very high doses of magnesium supplements. My doc has me doing that to try to address my lack of sleep.  Not just 1-2, but 4 at night and 2 in the morning. Turns out that very high doses of magnesium supplements are like colonoscopy prep. 

LOL I tried to do magnesium supplements for muscle recovery.

Had the same issue - too many close calls. 

(Also learned that dried Turkish figs are NOT a good hiking snack) 

  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...
2 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

Targeted ad obviously

IMG_4559.png

Yeah.

What if?

Suspicious Monkey GIF by MOODMAN

  • 2 weeks later...

I tried flamin cheetos for the first time.

Shart of pure fire. I clenched to save the recliner. The cleanup was agony. Every touch like a hot poker to my delicate balloon knot.

  • Author
1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

I tried flamin cheetos for the first time.

Shart of pure fire. I clenched to save the recliner. The cleanup was agony. Every touch like a hot poker to my delicate balloon knot.

Next time, try chewing them in your mouth instead. 

  • 3 weeks later...

We’re more than halfway through the year and this thread is still shy of Page 3?  Damn it’s gonna be a rough football season 

On 6/18/2025 at 9:02 AM, MissingInAction said:

I tried flamin cheetos for the first time.

Shart of pure fire. I clenched to save the recliner. The cleanup was agony. Every touch like a hot poker to my delicate balloon knot.

Absolutely wanted to make a post about those things on the 2024 thread but I didn't hit the criteria. It was about 18 hours of touch and go hell on the butthole that put me through every degrading rectal reverberation there is except for sharting. About a half an hour after eating them I let loose a fart in HEB that had the approximate kill radius of a 40mm HE. 
Perfect really because that's what came out of my ass for the rest of the day and into the night. 

You some delicate sumbitches

  • 2 weeks later...

2c2db3afe460ea88f19af3280825431d.jpg

Been playing some dangerous games lately, but so far, shart free.

  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/10/2025 at 10:15 AM, TheStoicPaisano said:

Straight fuckin’ water status.

Also, eating blue ice cream turns your shit cerulean.

TV & FILM GIFs — userscream: THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA 2006, dir. David...

Farted and child 2 says, “Did you shart yourself?”

Nope, still clean.

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