Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

@Prepuce of Doom  Doomlet will be a surly legend before he ever makes his first post.  I say by twelve he will be ready his own account lol.   

Edited by Hook1997

  • Replies 1.8k
  • Views 169.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • 2 weeks ago, watching my kid hen peck on his keyboard Me: Son, you really need to practice your typing using the home row. You'll never type fast typing with 2 fingers. Him: I try to type fa

  • My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground

  • I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

Posted Images

47 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

@Prepuce of Doom  Doomlet will be a surly legend before he ever makes his first post.  I say by twelve he will be ready his own account lol.   

Yeah, somewhere between 10 and 14 is my current estimate. 

But I can't even imagine the new heights of foolishness that our household will endure as a result. 

  • Author
2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Yeah, somewhere between 10 and 14 is my current estimate. 

But I can't even imagine the new heights of foolishness that our household will endure as a result. 

I'm thinking if the Earf survives long enough, Doomlet will take the Supreme 2nd in Command Mod role from @immamac .

  • Popular Post

Last week, I was teaching little bro (who turned 13 yesterday) how to play holdem with a few of my buddies at a house we rented on the Guadalupe...

Lil Bro: "I'm going to win."

Buddy1: "Do you even know how to play poker?"

Lol Bro: "Nope. Doesnt matter. When I want something or I'm going to do something, I say it and it happens. It shows up. That's how it works at our house."

Buddy2: "I need to spend more time at your house."

Night proceeds, Lil Bro starts getting hands blind, taking people out (took me out) and ends up with the largest chip stack when everyone decides to call it quits.

"I told y'all. That's how it works."

The next day he said he was going to be wealthy, so he'd buy me any car I want... and a beach.

I believe.

 

Edited by Snacks
Editing

On 7/20/2021 at 9:49 AM, ROFL BOX said:

You're getting your very own private bitch.

So... Not South Austin's mom...

This almost certainly has to be parroted from elsewhere (though I can't find any reference online), but I was just informed that, "when an employee and an employer love each other, a new job is born." 

At a pizza joint last night, 8 YO is perusing the menu…”oooh, this sounds good…pineapple, coconut…it’s called the painkiller. I think I’ll have that!”

  • Author
23 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

This almost certainly has to be parroted from elsewhere (though I can't find any reference online), but I was just informed that, "when an employee and an employer love each other, a new job is born." 

Not if the "job' blows.

  • 2 weeks later...

Doomlet is watching Temple of Doom for the first time, and during the introduction to Mola Ram with the first heart grab/lava lowering sacrifice scene, he pointed out to us that "this looks like an album from Slayer." 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

  • 1 month later...

Wife and I were talking about a movie we saw in the theater and trying to remember what year it came out. I look it up on IMDB.

Me: Wow. That was 2012. (Before kids)

Son (born in 2013): So it was in black & white?

Oldest kiddo has two friends over right now. I’ve been in the yard and just showered and ready to watch some college football. They were watching a movie. I come upstairs and say “some girls keep driving by on a side by side, who is it?” They left in 10 seconds.

And no, no girls drove by. Dad 1, Oldest kid 0.

I hid around a corner of the house and frightened the crap out of the boy when he got home from school today. 

He called me a "butt demon" in response. 

On 6/28/2021 at 5:25 PM, Laxtonto said:

We are in Ohio now, so he has never had the joy of visiting a Mexican grocer

Aren't you in Toledo? There are some in Toledo. Pretty sure the La Perla tortillas, I bought when we lived in Columbus, bakery is in Toledo.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

On 7/20/2021 at 8:11 AM, Snacks said:

Last week, I was teaching little bro (who turned 13 yesterday) how to play holdem with a few of my buddies at a house we rented on the Guadalupe...

Lil Bro: "I'm going to win."

Buddy1: "Do you even know how to play poker?"

Lol Bro: "Nope. Doesnt matter. When I want something or I'm going to do something, I say it and it happens. It shows up. That's how it works at our house."

Buddy2: "I need to spend more time at your house."

Night proceeds, Lil Bro starts getting hands blind, taking people out (took me out) and ends up with the largest chip stack when everyone decides to call it quits.

"I told y'all. That's how it works."

The next day he said he was going to be wealthy, so he'd buy me any car I want... and a beach.

I believe.

 

So... Last night, Little Bro scores his first TD in a tackle football game (8th Grade) on his 2nd carry ever. He's a backup RB to a kid that already has several private school tuition offers and (rumored) a college offer. His 1st carry was 11 yards on 3rd and 10. Next play was 30 yard TD as the game clock expired...

When we get home, I pull out one of those Middle School Football Yard signs that I bought to support the team...

"Hey, sign this sign so I can put it in the yard."

He signs...

"Hold on to that. You're going to be able to sell it for about $2MM one day."

"If I can sell it for $2MM, that means you're worth about a billion..."

"Yep."

"But you already told me you'd buy me any car you want... and a beach.  I'm not selling this sign."

"You right."

I've done a terrible job as a father, both from a football perspective and as a jew. My 14 year old daughter went to the football game and was offended because everybody kept doing the Nazi solute. "Uh, honey, that's just a signal for a first down."

Pretty sure my 14yo daughter couldn’t point to the end zone at a football game.

Driving kids to school the other day and “Song of the South” comes on the radio and 5 year old son starts in on it. “Song, song of the south, sweet potato fries and I shut my mouth” at the top of his lungs. His eght year old sister looks at me and serious as a heart attack says “did they even have sweet potato fries when this song was made?”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  • 2 weeks later...


 

my 4 year old evidently was told that “dude” is a naughty/ toilet word.

 

dudes, I’m in fucking trouble.

  • Popular Post

Talking to my 10yo on the phone one night that him and his 5yo brother were with their mom. 
 

Me: What's your brother doing right now?

10yo: He's watching Puss in Boots :starts giggling:

Me: What's funny about that? (even though I know him and his friends are starting to experiment with dirty jokes so I have a feeling where this is going)

10yo: I dunno, Puss in Boots. more like Puss on my face :more giggling:

Me:

wait-what.gif 

10yo: :more giggling: No wait, he's watching Puss on my weiner :starts laughing:

Me: Hold up son, I let some stuff slide but you're not old enough to be saying stuff like that. Who's telling you these jokes?

10yo: I didn't say anything bad. I said it with a U and not an I

Me: Wait, you think it's funny if it's piss instead of puss?

10yo: Yeah, I guess. My fortnite friend said it and I think that's what he meant.

Me: We're gonna have to have a chat in a couple of years but for now, don't let your mom hear any of your jokes....

Mrs. Doom and Doomlet made a guitar yesterday, and I just noticed the adornment. 

 

20211017_082235.jpg

20211017_082241.jpg

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

 I like your chairs. Remind me of the chairs in my grandfather's waiting room of his practice.

Thanks, they look a little harsh or minimalist, but they're very comfortable. 

And all the songs seem to sound the same. 

Broached over the dinner table tonight: Would you rather drink lemon juice for an hour, or get paper cuts in your sleep? 

 

Wife lost a big case, and we were commiserating. 11 yr old daughter was eaves dropping. After a bit, she says "At least you're not as bad as that cat lawyer guy."

 

for those who don't know or remember cat lawyer guy:

 

16 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Broached over the dinner table tonight: Would you rather drink lemon juice for an hour, or get paper cuts in your sleep? 

So, did you drink the lemon juice, or wake up covered in paper cuts?

10 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

So, did you drink the lemon juice, or wake up covered in paper cuts?

Neither, but was awakened at 3am to answer the very pressing question of whether extinct prehistoric animals might somehow come back to life. 

I was too tired to tell him "life finds a way." 

  • Popular Post

10 yr old walking to laundry room holding a pair of underwear

Me: whatcha got there bud?
Him: my underwear...
Me: having some issues?
Him: I had a foop accident but just a tiny bit
Me: foop?
Him: I farted but then some poop came out too. I call it fooping.
Me: alright, fair enough. Happens to the best of us.


  • Popular Post


me:   good morning honey, are you all ready for school?

4y/o daughter:    yes dada, all ready

me:    that’s great, you look pretty in your dress today 

daughter: (while striking a model pose) yep dada, I’m a preeeeeetty girl! (Then raises her arm and make the 3pt-nothing-but-net hand motion and walks off)

On 10/19/2021 at 7:13 PM, Hmbre97 said:

10 yr old walking to laundry room holding a pair of underwear

Me: whatcha got there bud?
Him: my underwear...
Me: having some issues?
Him: I had a foop accident but just a tiny bit
Me: foop?
Him: I farted but then some poop came out too. I call it fooping.
Me: alright, fair enough. Happens to the best of us.

 

I guess I'll stop using the mangled idiom "one swell foop" now.

Securing the Doomlet into his car seat this evening and taking care not to buckle his nuts, I learned that he refers to his scrotum as his "jojo." 

On 10/17/2021 at 8:00 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Broached over the dinner table tonight: Would you rather drink lemon juice for an hour, or get paper cuts in your sleep? 

Ask him if he’d rather have a paper cut between his fingers or a paper cut on his tongue. 

  • Author

Kid related.ef5f55862006431fb28ec770449fc060.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

  • Author

me:   good morning honey, are you all ready for school?
4y/o daughter:    yes dada, all ready
me:    that’s great, you look pretty in your dress today 
daughter: (while striking a model pose) yep dada, I’m a preeeeeetty girl! (Then raises her arm and make the 3pt-nothing-but-net hand motion and walks off)
I was hoping for the "fart noise from armpit" business, but this will suffice.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

On 10/19/2021 at 7:13 PM, Hmbre97 said:

10 yr old walking to laundry room holding a pair of underwear

Me: whatcha got there bud?
Him: my underwear...
Me: having some issues?
Him: I had a foop accident but just a tiny bit
Me: foop?
Him: I farted but then some poop came out too. I call it fooping.
Me: alright, fair enough. Happens to the best of us.

 

Send him our way & we’ll get him straight. 

4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet just drew this picture of a demolition derby car. 

20211024_185946.jpg

The presence of The Dark Gourd is twisting Doomlet.  I love it.

11 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet just drew this picture of a demolition derby car. 

20211024_185946.jpg

Rex Ryan approves 

Edited by Trey3216


mat dinner with me, wife and 4yo daughter.

me: well, it was an eventful trip to the apple store. Dee was showing off with the Genius Bar guy and knocked my brand new phone into the ground. Luckily everything was fine

my wife: (while looking at my daughter) oh my, well that sounds like it was very embarrassing.

me: (also while looking at my daughter) it was. I thought my little girl was going to use her manners better…

 

<we all sit looking at each other for about 10 sec>
 

my daughter: Don’t worry momma, I wasn’t embarrassed.

 

I was ruffling my sons hair saying "Your hairs messed up! You hairs messed up"

him "Well...I mean at least I have hair."

listen here you little fuck ( I am very bald)

Did you tell him it is hereditary?

3 hours ago, Hate said:

Did you tell him it is hereditary?

yes. Yes I did

 

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

yes. Yes I did

 

His first brush with mortality…

  • Popular Post

My 5 yr old after punching on his brother and being an asshole

Me: Son, you keep acting like this and Santa ain't bringing you nothing but coal for Christmas

Him: Well, we like to grill a lot so I wouldn't mind getting coal.

Me: negative-hmm.gif

You need to remind him that Krampus will stuff him in a sack and hit him with sticks. 

Sometimes that's the only thing that can rein in the Doomlet when he's on a tear. I wear a Krampus sweater when I'm cold around the house to serve as a constant reminder. We even have a Krampus topper on our Christmas tree. 

 

2_Krampus.jpg

20201220_232928.jpg

20201221_171822.jpg

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Added sweater and tree topper photos.

My 9 YO requested the Brazilian steakhouse for her birthday dinner today. Halfway through dinner she proclaimed “I’m a monster. I love lamb.”

A couple months back I was having a conversation with my daughter, and Philip(Tiny Trouble) butted in trying to get my attention:

Philip: "Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  Dad  Dad  Dad  Dad. Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  Dad.  Dad  Dad  Dad  Dad."
Me:  "Just hold on, buddy, Libby is talking to me."
Philip: "Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad! Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!"
Me:  "Just wait, dude, it's not your turn."
Philip:  "DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD! DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!  DAD!"
Me:  "Okay, what?!  What is so important?"
Philip:  "We should get a shark's head and mount it on the wall!"

I know what he's getting for Christmas now.

Edited by ulukinatme

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.