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i had made some lamb kabobs for dinner and i did not think my daughter had ever had them before.  I told her they were made from lamb and she said 'i love cubes of animals!'

 

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  • I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

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My 7 YO has invented a new word.

He referred to his private parts as his penis. 

I told him only doctors would use that word, and he should just call it his weener.

So the new word is…

 

Weenis

 

We’ve been using that word for the past few weeks now. I’m hoping it’ll catch on and make it into the urban dictionary. 

1 hour ago, Superhero said:

My 7 YO has invented a new word.

He referred to his private parts as his penis. 

I told him only doctors would use that word, and he should just call it his weener.

So the new word is…

 

Weenis

 

We’ve been using that word for the past few weeks now. I’m hoping it’ll catch on and make it into the urban dictionary. 

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Weenis

Five year old just now:

‘I have a hard question. Is Frida Kahlo real?’

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We were about to head out to lunch and it was snowing. I asked if we should wait a bit since the snow was forecast to end shortly.

My 9YO: “Let’s risk it for the biscuit.”

I was heading out to Thundercloud, and I asked my 12yo if he wanted a sandwich. 

"sure."  

Whatcha want?

What are you getting?

The usual.  Want one?  

Well you seam like you know what you're doing.

Damn right.  Good boy.

On 3/18/2022 at 8:15 AM, Elvis said:

I was heading out to Thundercloud, and I asked my 12yo if he wanted a sandwich. 

"sure."  

Whatcha want?

What are you getting?

The usual.  Want one?  

Well you seam like you know what you're doing.

Damn right.  Good boy.

Depends, are you the 50-60s Elvis, or the 70s Elvis ready to keel over? 

 

hint:

he might be calling you fat.

  • Popular Post

9YO is watching TV and asks me “Is this girl really a boy?”

I look up and say “No, that’s Dolly Parton. She’s a woman and a old singer from back in the day.”

9YO: “I thought she had to be a boy because there’s no way those boobs are real.”

@Prepuce of Doom I'm wondering if Doomlet and one of my nephews were separated at birth. 

While zoom calling my sister and BIL on Sunday my nephew wanted to talk to me. He's in a phase where he likes everything that has to do with pirates. This is how the conversation went:

Nephew: "Hey uncle Longboard do you wanna hear my pirate song?"

Me: "Sure, go for it!"

Nephew: *singing "A pirate's life is a life for me! I bury poop and enemies drink my pee!" 

My BIL and I lol'd. My sister was not amused. 

3 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

@Prepuce of Doom I'm wondering if Doomlet and one of my nephews were separated at birth. 

While zoom calling my sister and BIL on Sunday my nephew wanted to talk to me. He's in a phase where he likes everything that has to do with pirates. This is how the conversation went:

Nephew: "Hey uncle Longboard do you wanna hear my pirate song?"

Me: "Sure, go for it!"

Nephew: *singing "A pirate's life is a life for me! I bury poop and enemies drink my pee!" 

My BIL and I lol'd. My sister was not amused. 

But does he want to sing and dance, and wear tight shiny pants?

6yo girl to mom: you have fat titties

Me: well, you do

(No pics)

Daughter was iMessaging her friend from her iPad...

 

Me: Who are you texting?

9YO: Lisa.

Me: Does she use iPad or does she have a phone?

9YO: She has her own phone. She IS the only child you know.

 

I didn't know being a single child automatically qualifies you to get a phone.

No, but he currently thinks that it's the height of comedy to tuck his penis up over the top of his elastic waistband but keep it hidden under his shirt, and to then "surprise" us by defiantly/tauntingly lifting his shirt to expose himself in a way that I wish I could say was still unexpected. 

 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

No, but he currently thinks that it's the height of comedy to tuck his penis up over the top of his elastic waistband but keep it hidden under his shirt, and to then "surprise" us by defiantly/tauntingly lifting his shirt to expose himself in a way that I wish I could say was still unexpected. 
 

I presume that you’ve already set up a campaign fund for doomlet’s inevitable run for POTUS - send the info so we can contribute.
7 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


I presume that you’ve already set up a campaign fund for doomlet’s inevitable run for POTUS - send the info so we can contribute.

I'm in.  It's always good to know a guy in the right place.  You never know when you might need a favor.

I don't know about this idea, guys. 

This is bigger than you. It’s destiny.
And you can’t stop what’s coming. It ain’t all waiting on you. The acts vanity.

*3 year old farts loudly*

Did you hear that froggy???

Me: yeah...? Where is the frog?

3yo: it's the frog in my butt!!! **Raucous laughter**

Just caught him eating a corn dog on the toilet. 

Like I said, he’s a man of destiny.

3 year old is now getting to watch some movies. We have watched Elf, Finding Nemo, Cars, Cars 2, The Grinch and Wall-e so far. Decided to watch Bambi with him today, since it's mostly about cute animals fucking around in the forest. We knew the mom's death scene was coming at some point, so we were preparing to deal with it. 

Movie: Mood darkens, music is ominous, gunshot heard, Bambi is running out of the meadow by himself. He's in the woods, milling about, shouting for his mommy. He can't find her, it's dark, he's looking for her frantically.  

3yo: Where did his mommy go?

Wife: I don't know.

3yo: Did she go to the food store?

Wife: Maybe?

3yo: She must have gone to the food store to get food!

Wife: Yeah, probably!

 

Crisis averted.

4 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

3 year old is now getting to watch some movies. We have watched Elf, Finding Nemo, Cars, Cars 2, The Grinch and Wall-e so far. Decided to watch Bambi with him today, since it's mostly about cute animals fucking around in the forest. We knew the mom's death scene was coming at some point, so we were preparing to deal with it. 

Movie: Mood darkens, music is ominous, gunshot heard, Bambi is running out of the meadow by himself. He's in the woods, milling about, shouting for his mommy. He can't find her, it's dark, he's looking for her frantically.  

3yo: Where did his mommy go?

Wife: I don't know.

3yo: Did she go to the food store?

Wife: Maybe?

3yo: She must have gone to the food store to get food!

Wife: Yeah, probably!

 

Crisis averted.

This is easily one of my favorite SNL bits from the past decade (not that the competition is super stiff).

 

Edited by ztejas

On 3/21/2022 at 10:03 PM, CooterBrown said:

9YO is watching TV and asks me “Is this girl really a boy?”

I look up and say “No, that’s Dolly Parton. She’s a woman and a old singer from back in the day.”

9YO: “I thought she had to be a boy because there’s no way those boobs are real.”

200.gif

 

 

On 4/1/2022 at 3:31 PM, demos said:

6yo girl to mom: you have fat titties

Me: well, you do

(No pics)

Boooo!!!!!

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Opened our 6 yo son’s iPad and this was on google. Sorry for the potato quality pic. My wife took it.
19a9980ac46ca8464f1369556c79fa82.jpg

1 hour ago, irishtexan said:

Opened our 6 yo son’s iPad and this was on google. Sorry for the potato quality pic. My wife took it.
19a9980ac46ca8464f1369556c79fa82.jpg

You're raising a sophisticated, cultured gentleman.  Well done dad.

Edited by Post Oak

On 4/2/2022 at 11:58 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

No, but he currently thinks that it's the height of comedy to tuck his penis up over the top of his elastic waistband but keep it hidden under his shirt, and to then "surprise" us by defiantly/tauntingly lifting his shirt to expose himself in a way that I wish I could say was still unexpected. 

 

783dbde9-5634-4279-a244-1af303042a08_tex

 

The dark black line portion (horns and top of the head) was provided as the starting point for the assignment. 

85521.jpeg

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

On 4/2/2022 at 12:02 PM, Brisketexan said:


I presume that you’ve already set up a campaign fund for doomlet’s inevitable run for POTUS - send the info so we can contribute.

 

On 4/2/2022 at 7:47 PM, Bevo&Pevo said:

I'm in.  It's always good to know a guy in the right place.  You never know when you might need a favor.

 

On 4/2/2022 at 8:39 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

I don't know about this idea, guys. 

New Surly NIL for Doomlet: Butt Ends

Yesterday, the 18 mo old was hunting eggs in the front yard.  Encountered an egg that I had put a $5 bill in.  She shakes the egg, hears nothing, discards it post haste.  Got a great laugh from the whole family.  

On 4/8/2022 at 2:26 PM, irishtexan said:

Opened our 6 yo son’s iPad and this was on google. Sorry for the potato quality pic. My wife took it.
19a9980ac46ca8464f1369556c79fa82.jpg

I was way older than that before I figured out the wonders of nice butts.  That kid is on the fast track.

My kid came running into the house yelling “I need to poop real bad!”

I’m in the living room doing something. He pulls down his pants. and instead of going straight into the toilet, he comes up to me, spreads his butt cheeks in front of my face and asks “Look daddy. Am I turtling?”

He laughs and runs to the bathroom.

I have no idea where he learned that from. 

 

The fam was discussing the easter bunny (11 yr old knows its all bullshit, but plays along anyway) and wife said something about the easter bunny and used the pronoun "he". I said "he? I always thought the easter bunny was a she?" Wife said "I don't know, what gender is the easter bunny anyway?"

Daughter said "probably non-binary".

On 4/23/2022 at 5:01 PM, Superhero said:

My kid came running into the house yelling “I need to poop real bad!”

I’m in the living room doing something. He pulls down his pants. and instead of going straight into the toilet, he comes up to me, spreads his butt cheeks in front of my face and asks “Look daddy. Am I turtling?”

He laughs and runs to the bathroom.

I have no idea where he learned that from. 

 

and that kid was Albert Einstein.

 

Took the two and four year old to the Dicsh this weekend and they had a blast. They both think the horns won rather than getting our asses kicked. Anyway, the four year old sees that osu is wearing black hats and for the rest of the game keeps saying that we need to beat the black guys. As in we're gonna punch those black guys in the face. My wife is mortified and I just keep telling him to say okie lite or some derivation there of and then very loudly telling him that yes, the other team is wearing black hats making sure that everyone in our section heard me. 

Working with my 7 YO on his book report.

 

7 YO: The author's name is Tim Warn... (can't pronounce the second part).

* It's Tim Warnes. I have no idea if it's pronounced Warnz, or Warn-es, but I go with Warn-es *

Me: His name is Tim Warn-es.

* me seeing the gears grinding in his head *

Me: I know what you're going to say, don't say it.

7 YO: It's sounds a little like penis.

 

I have no idea where he gets his sense of humor, but he cracks me up at least 3-4 times a week.

 

 

1 minute ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

He just casually called his mother a peehole for no apparent reason. 

Likes to live dangerously, does he?  My mom would have beaten me to death with one of my own arms if I'd said that to her.

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