March 18, 20196 yr 6 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said: “Do you have any non shitty domestics on tap?” Just now at a bar in Lakewood Before 2 on a Monday. Noice.
March 19, 20196 yr 21 hours ago, Llano Estacado said: Damn, that’s a lot to breakdown from a St Patty’s conversation. Old man was talking about his second young wife was letting it flow. He wasn't the least bit bothered with anything or anyone. The four tables around went silent for 90 seconds after the Dachau reference. One of those moments where everyone is eavesdropping not because they want to, but he was loud as fuck and strangers were waiting for the bomb to drop. It indeed dropped.
March 20, 20196 yr "Can I get a bud light and double shot of jack?" "Hey, where you been baby girl?" "I have REALLY cut back on my drinking" shoots the jack "one more, please."
March 20, 20196 yr Yesterday, from our blonde bartender Ashley."When does March Madness start?"Silence for several seconds until my buddy deadpans "ummm...March."Her: "ok. Thanks!" Goes back to pouring beers.
March 22, 20196 yr On a golf course dude talking to his lady in the golf cart, "Honey, I'm not lying, I just don't remember what the truth is"...
March 22, 20196 yr 3 hours ago, Litig8r said: On a golf course dude talking to his lady in the golf cart, "Honey, I'm not lying, I just don't remember what the truth is"... Very Dirt Bike.
March 23, 20196 yr I want an IPA, but not a German one. I'm sick of German IPAs. I want something citrus and malty. It was the stereotypical dumb blonde girl.
March 23, 20196 yr Author "Attention all! If you're not on the payroll, you gotta get out! But good news! We'll be open tomorrow so you can come back and give us more money!"
March 24, 20196 yr Rather heavy girl had a strap break on her sandal. Made a point of letting everyone around her know about it. Girl at a nearby table exclaims, "It committed suicide. It couldn't take it any longer."
March 24, 20196 yr On 3/20/2019 at 9:25 AM, Incredulity said: "Can I get a bud light and double shot of jack?" "Hey, where you been baby girl?" "I have REALLY cut back on my drinking" shoots the jack "one more, please." Didn't say I was cutting back on that day.
March 30, 20196 yr I'm walking to the bar. Guy to girl: since you wanted to have sex with evertone, it's a good thing you did it before the wedding.
April 9, 20196 yr On 3/22/2019 at 7:54 PM, mycox said: I want an IPA, but not a German one. I'm sick of German IPAs. I want something citrus and malty. It was the stereotypical dumb blonde girl. That could have been my wife . . .
April 9, 20196 yr Drunk Customer: "Amy (the bartender) hasn't had a finger or a weiner stuck in her in years" Amy (never turns around): "You're don't know shit. I have to go to the doctor occasionally"
April 26, 20196 yr Dive bar overheard conversations: I have three kids, but they were all by c-section, so my p---y is still real tight.
April 26, 20196 yr 2 minutes ago, Llano Estacado said: I like that a MD self-censured pussy on a surly thread. Bad pussy?
April 26, 20196 yr Was a bartender while attending UT Austin in the mid-90s. Mark Henry (power lifter, wrestler) used to drop by on hip hop night. Massive person IRL but a pretty chill dude. One night a scrawny proto-hipster kept bumping/dancing into Mark right in front of the bar taps. After 15 minutes of agitation Mark shouts “you bump me one more time and I’ll tear your fucking head off!” The music stopped. Everything stopped. People were checking to see if they had shit their pants. That huge angry voice was devastating. Mr. scrawny most likely shit himself... left immediately holding his ass. Ahhh, hip hop night. Good times. Also, don’t mess around with super humans.
April 28, 20196 yr On 4/26/2019 at 5:34 PM, NAVY said: Was a bartender while attending UT Austin in the mid-90s. Mark Henry (power lifter, wrestler) used to drop by on hip hop night. Massive person IRL but a pretty chill dude. One night a scrawny proto-hipster kept bumping/dancing into Mark right in front of the bar taps. After 15 minutes of agitation Mark shouts “you bump me one more time and I’ll tear your fucking head off!” The music stopped. Everything stopped. People were checking to see if they had shit their pants. That huge angry voice was devastating. Mr. scrawny most likely shit himself... left immediately holding his ass. Ahhh, hip hop night. Good times. Also, don’t mess around with super humans. Just reenacting that scene in my head scared the shit out of me. I can't imagine someone of that size saying something like that to me
April 29, 20196 yr My friend tells me that we got into an elevator in Jester with Aaron Humphrey late one night. I may have been overserved, so I don’t remember. Apparently, I started talking shit for some dumb reason. Later my friend told me that he considered punching me to spare me from certain death had Aaron decided to do so himself.
June 15, 20196 yr Author Last night in downtown Dallas I heard a bartender tell a drunk customer: “Shut Up Shirley!! No one wants to hear about your dead dog for the 40th fucking time you old Cunt!!”
June 15, 20196 yr Granola chick to her granola chick friend in a bar in Santa Barbara the other day: “Yea, were on our 5th Subaru”Mrs. tbone to me: “Things you’ll never hear me say for $1,000 Alex”
June 16, 20196 yr 10 hours ago, tbone_ said: Granola chick to her granola chick friend in a bar in Santa Barbara the other day: “Yea, were on our 5th Subaru” Mrs. tbone to me: “Things you’ll never hear me say for $1,000 Alex” Whoopty-doo.
September 19, 20196 yr Author In a pub in Deep Ellum and these drunk guys are talking about licking assholes and eating booty.
September 19, 20196 yr Definitely me and my friends. Eating ass is a great ice breaker works everytime
September 19, 20196 yr 10 hours ago, Zepol87 said: Definitely me and my friends. Eating ass is a great ice breaker works everytime
September 25, 20196 yr Around 11 AM at a tequila bar in Kaui...an old battle axe to another employee “Is it just me or does it smell like kitty litter in here?”...jalapeño margarita with mezcal floater was delicious and I immediately thought of this thread
September 26, 20196 yr "Don't ever hire Stevie Lee, mf only got me 7k and kept 25k!" Edited September 26, 20196 yr by RollLeft
September 26, 20196 yr On 4/26/2019 at 2:04 AM, HookMD said: Dive bar overheard conversations: I have three kids, but they were all by c-section, so my p---y is still real tight. Damn, got nervous for a second. Only 1 from c-section so sounds like its not her On 4/29/2019 at 10:07 AM, luke duke said: My friend tells me that we got into an elevator in Jester with Aaron Humphrey late one night. I may have been overserved, so I don’t remember. Apparently, I started talking shit for some dumb reason. Later my friend told me that he considered punching me to spare me from certain death had Aaron decided to do so himself. "YOU DON'T MOW ANOTHER MANS LAWN"
October 31, 20196 yr Author Just now, drunk chick to her friend: “I usually don’t eat ass but I’ll eat his!”
October 31, 20196 yr 7 hours ago, Longboard Horn said: Just now, drunk chick to her friend: “I usually don’t eat ass but I’ll eat his!” Check Please! How you doin?
October 31, 20196 yr 8 hours ago, Longboard Horn said: Just now, drunk chick to her friend: “I usually don’t eat ass but I’ll eat his!”
November 2, 20196 yr Author "Everyone's Hell is different. It's not all fire and pain. The real Hell is your life gone wrong." Damn that’s deep.
November 2, 20196 yr Buddy of mine discussing why he loves his fat wife.“You can’t win the Fat Stock Show with a skinny heifer.”
November 6, 20196 yr On 10/31/2019 at 1:22 AM, Longboard Horn said: Just now, drunk chick to her friend: “I usually don’t eat ass but I’ll eat his!”
November 12, 20196 yr “Line dancing is for fat chicks “ - my younger brother Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
November 14, 20196 yr On 4/26/2019 at 3:34 PM, NAVY said: Was a bartender while attending UT Austin in the mid-90s. Mark Henry (power lifter, wrestler) used to drop by on hip hop night. Massive person IRL but a pretty chill dude. One night a scrawny proto-hipster kept bumping/dancing into Mark right in front of the bar taps. After 15 minutes of agitation Mark shouts “you bump me one more time and I’ll tear your fucking head off!” The music stopped. Everything stopped. People were checking to see if they had shit their pants. That huge angry voice was devastating. Mr. scrawny most likely shit himself... left immediately holding his ass. Ahhh, hip hop night. Good times. Also, don’t mess around with super humans. I can hear the record needle scratch sound while reading this.
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