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Help Me Motherfuckers, I have to smoke brisket on a Green Egg for 25 ppl. First timer

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Thank you to all of you for your advice, and for what I can only assume is sincere concern for the health and safety of my family and friends.  I raised the white flag of cowardice early after seeing what I had to work with equipment-wise, coupled with the fact that i wasn't going to be able to stay on-site while the brisket cooked overnight.  At my sister in law's suggestion we went to https://cattleackbbq.com/ and got a whole brisket. It came chilled and wrapped in the butcher paper it rested in. Re-heat was just oven at 325, brisket still wrapped in butcher in a roasting pan covered tightly with foil.  Probably 35-45 minutes to reheat. It came out close to perfection, and there were raves all round---including from Aunt Barbara who will flat out tell you if she doen't like something. She was inquiring about the availability of leftover brisket the next day. So, I pussed out, but no one died and I live to cook another day.  

Listen fellas and fellitas, I know you were hoping to read of glorious success or, even better, my complete humiliation, subsequent divorce and related battle with depression, followed by a sustained period of hard drug use while living in an old aluminum trash can like Oscar the Grouch. All I can say, is thanks again for your support and advice.  Sorry to disappoint, and I will make it up to y'all sometime in the near future.

Here's my simple mac and cheese recipe as a consolation:

(serves 25-30 as a side). 

Note: when you have multiple dishes requiring oven time. mac and cheese is easy to get ready to go in last by making the pasta and bechamel cheese sauce ahead of time and you can heat it near the end.

This recipe is gluten free, and so long as you don't overcook the pasta, will be as close as possible to the real deal.

Equipment: 

Biggest stock pot you have (or in my case I had to use the two largest my SIL had)

Large hotel pan filled with water and ice mostly melted

Large Hotel pan insert for draining

Large ladle-type strainer

Large Whisk

Cheese grater

Largest mixing bowl you have

Aluminum Foil

Ingredients

Salt

1.5 cups Cup 4 Cup GFree flour. 

8 oz Kerrygold Unsalted butter

1/2 cup neutral oil (EVOO or Avocado works great)

2 qt. Half and Half

6 packages https://www.amazon.com/RUMMO-SPA-Rigatoni-Italian-Gluten/dp/B09PFBZPGF/ref=asc_df_B09PFBZPGF?mcid=3e2a004c909434619de5c436997234f5&hvocijid=1477355950494962034-B09PFBZPGF-&hvexpln=73&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=721245378154&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1477355950494962034&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027581&hvtargid=pla-2281435177658&th=1

White pepper

6 or 7 eight ounce packages Rumiano Monterrey Jack Cheese unshredded 

2 8oz packages of Sharp Cheddar unshredded

Directions:

Pasta

Remove Half and Half from refrigerator

Start your Lg stock pot of water to boil, add small amount of oil and salt generously

Fill your hotel pan to 1/4 full with cold water. Add large scoop of cubed ice and set aside

While waiting for water to boil, grate your jack cheese and cheddar cheese. Keep cheeses separate

When water comes to boil, add pasta.  The brand above is brown rice and corn. Brown rice pasta like Jovial Brand or Tinkayada is very forgiving and hard to overcook. Corn pasta goes completely mushy and breaks apart if overcooked. The goal is to get the pasta cooked to just before al dente. The bechamel cheese sauce will be hot when added to the pasta and will cook it the rest of the way.

Put strainer insert in hotel pan when ice has melted sufficiently

Add slightly undercooked pasta to ice bath. Remove hotel pan strainer and let drain over the sink, shaking out excess water,  

Rinse and dry out stock pot, removing any stuck pasts bits. Then put pot back on burner at lowest heat

Dry-out hotel pan, the grease the pan

Add blanched pasta to the hotel pan and add olive oil, mixing well to coat the noodles, and set aside.

 

Bechamel Cheese Sauce:

First. you make a mutha-fuck'n roux- Add the butter to the warmed pan, increasing heat to medium.

Add the Flour, reserving just a little aside

Whisk all of the lumps out and cook until smooth. Gfree flour doesn't flour won't toast like regular flour, cook 3 minutes. If using regular flour, I like medium-lt brown but do you.

Add Half and Half, and whisk together until smooth. Salt and White pepper to taste.

Slowly add monterrey jack cheese in handfuls, incorporating until melted smooth as you go. Season thoughfully: I'm a white pepper guy, but a little cayenne could make sense. Maybe a little tiny bit of nutmeg if you are feeling freaky.

Add hot melted cheese to cooked noodles encorporating gently until uniform. Cover with foil and set aside until ready to finish the dish.

At the finish:

Add shredded cheddar to the top of the noodle cheese pan

Oven at 425, cook uncovered until cheese bubbles on sides and you have the desired amount of brown-ness on top. Cover and hold until serving.

Best,

TS

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glad it worked out. I was going to caution you about using any recipes from the BGE website or cookbook. Straight trash.  If you want to do one in the future, I recommend getting a temp regulator and also using a water pan. The grate sits so close to the heat diverter it will cook the shit out of the bottom of your brisket without a water buffer. The regulator will let you cook for 12-15 hours with 10-15° temp fluctuations.

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This really couldn't have worked out any worse for us. 

Is the TL/DR version of the Mac n Cheese recipe "I went to Luby's" on Midway and picked it up?  Because that sounds solid if so.

3 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Worst. Offseason. Thread. Ever.

The Cloak Room exists, pal. 

well this was all terribly disappointing.

i was looking forward to reading tigersnake's posts at 3am freaking out during the stall and jacking up the temperature super high and burning the shit out of the brisket and his mother in law writing him out of the will.

I will be on the lookout for new usernames; say for instance, "cheetahlizard".

On 4/24/2025 at 4:26 PM, Tigersnake said:

Dear 7 pound 4 oz sweet baby Jesus along with all Surlyite followers of Baal-

I have been volun-told that I need to smoke brisket for my wife's(no pics shitbirds-but I will follow up with pics of brisket hopefully) family celebrating my MIL's 80th birthday this weekend. This will be my first brisket ever, so this is obviously not ideal. I'll be cooking on a Green Egg XL for 25 ppl.  I decided that I'll do two 12 lb briskets pre-trimmed. I have the Big Green Egg Cookbook and will follow that recipe. I've gotten pretty good at regulating the temp on a BGE, and will be using the double probed BGE thermometer, wrap at 160 etc.  Any tips, or things to look out for you could share-I'd be grateful for.  I already have the number of a pizza place in case shit goes awry.

this is a terrible idea...everyone's first brisket is straight shit. do yourself a favor and order a couple of briskets from franklin, la bbq, interstellar, any of of those places

@Tigersnake you must atone for your sins. 

Cook a 12lber and document the whole process and post it here. We want pics and vids of everything possible. How you trim it, what you season it with and how you measure it, what binder you use, what it looks like seasoned, pics of it on the smoker, pics of the smoker temp and smoke coming out, pics of the wrapping (if you choose to wrap), pics of the rest and pics of the money shot and slices. 

Do this and all will be forgiven. 

I'd like to point out that we didn't even get pics of the Cattleack Brisket or the mac n cheese.

2 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

I feel hollow inside.

Empty, like his BGE.

7 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Please change his username to Tigersnakesucks

I was thinking "BBQ-to-Go"

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19 hours ago, immamac said:

@Tigersnake you must atone for your sins. 

Cook a 12lber and document the whole process and post it here. We want pics and vids of everything possible. How you trim it, what you season it with and how you measure it, what binder you use, what it looks like seasoned, pics of it on the smoker, pics of the smoker temp and smoke coming out, pics of the wrapping (if you choose to wrap), pics of the rest and pics of the money shot and slices. 

Do this and all will be forgiven. 

You are truly a benevolent cyber-overlord. The next few weekends are booked, but I'll give it a shot soon.

16 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Please change his username to Tigersnakesucks

Change thread title to “Tigersnake and his useless contributions to Surly fun” 

 

Loser

Quite the conundrum Tigersnake’s got himself in here. He assuredly saved his family’s gathering and made everyone happy while putting minimal stress on himself…and let’s be honest, the first few briskets you do, especially if you’re cooking them for other people, are stressful as hell. But boy did he sure blow it with his internet friends. Embarrassed Shame GIF

Edited by Etexhorn13

  • 2 weeks later...

Looks like somebody else lost their balls too.

Go ahead and change your username you’re gonna be on the Mount Rushmore of shaggy with now this, whoever it was that went to prison, no not that one, the other guy, and the fake cancer dude. 

On 4/30/2025 at 7:13 PM, Etexhorn13 said:

Quite the conundrum Tigersnake’s got himself in here. He assuredly saved his family’s gathering and made everyone happy while putting minimal stress on himself…and let’s be honest, the first few briskets you do, especially if you’re cooking them for other people, are stressful as hell. But boy did he sure blow it with his internet friends. 

Agree here.

In addition, he owned it and took his lumps, I can respect that.

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