Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be a better way.

  • Replies 9.6k
  • Views 525.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

Posted Images

Instead, there's a pole.  It requires no decoration.  I find tinsel distracting.

Can anybody name the 10 attendees of festivus dinner?

Spoiler

Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, Frank, Estelle, Kruger, Two-face, the two off-track betting guys

 

2 minutes ago, WBT said:

Can anybody name the 10 attendees of festivus dinner?

  Hide contents

Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, Frank, Estelle, Kruger, Two-face, the two off-track betting guys

 

I'm a man.

43 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

The government has been experimenting with pig men since the 60s!

 Just because a hospital gets a grant to study DNA doesn't mean they are creating a race of mutant pigmen.

My parents don't read! They're gonna wonder what a book is doing on the
table!

6 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'm a man.

That guy was apparently a porn actor as well. Not Buck Naked  

The poor man's Jack Black?  because the main bookmaker won a fucking Tony.  

Or maybe it was a Pulitzer.  It was something serious. 

anyway, long day at work and wrapping shit.   So I say to those of you who look through the bullshit and see the little things this time of year...

happy festivus to all and to all a good night

Edited by Lobo

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

The poor man's Jack Black?  because the main bookmaker won a fucking Tony.  

Yes

"Half of what's clogging up the Internet is porn and the other half is references to Festivus."

The Tony is taking me to Sardi’s. 

Edited by 4th&Five

Oh, damn. I've locked myself out of my office again. Alright, I'm going home. 

KAY-U-GER!  KAY-U-GER!  

I already bought it! I've been lying to you for three weeks and now you're all screwing me!

No wine?  GET OUT! 

Need a surly ruling.  Staying at a friend's ranch house over the holidays.  Typical first couple days in a new place and don't really have a handle on what all they have and what all we need to get.  One of the things we're missing is some kind of scrub brush or whatever to clean dishes.  Fine, put it on the list for the next time we're at a store.  About day three, I find one of those generic green and yellow scrub sponges kind of hidden under the sink.  Wife goes to do dishes that night and notices and says, "Oh wow, where'd you get this sponge?"  Of course my reply was, "I bought a whole case of them from the pharmacy because I heard they quit making them."  My otherwise very Seinfeld in-tune wife looks at me like I have 3 heads and says, "What are you talking about?"  Now, it's the holidays so I held off on divorcing her on the spot.  But should I start the process now or should I just let her off with a stern warning?  Never been so disappointed in her.

So your friend is sponge-worthy?  Pics??

1 minute ago, WhatTheBuck said:

If you're looking for cleaning utensils, check under the sink on day one. 

We did.  It was hidden behind a box of trash bags.

1 minute ago, Kel Varnsen said:

Put her toothbrush in the toilet

Not when I have to kiss that mouth.

Holy Cow!  

  • Author
9 minutes ago, Landomatic said:

Not when I have to kiss that mouth.

That stuff tastes like bleach!

I don't know anything about that...

6 hours ago, Landomatic said:

Need a surly ruling.  Staying at a friend's ranch house over the holidays.  Typical first couple days in a new place and don't really have a handle on what all they have and what all we need to get.  One of the things we're missing is some kind of scrub brush or whatever to clean dishes.  Fine, put it on the list for the next time we're at a store.  About day three, I find one of those generic green and yellow scrub sponges kind of hidden under the sink.  Wife goes to do dishes that night and notices and says, "Oh wow, where'd you get this sponge?"  Of course my reply was, "I bought a whole case of them from the pharmacy because I heard they quit making them."  My otherwise very Seinfeld in-tune wife looks at me like I have 3 heads and says, "What are you talking about?"  Now, it's the holidays so I held off on divorcing her on the spot.  But should I start the process now or should I just let her off with a stern warning?  Never been so disappointed in her.

My advice is to let it go and don't get her upset. If you get her upset, you'll have to make it up to her by going to see The Muted Heart and you'll miss Firestorm.

8 hours ago, Kel Varnsen said:

Put her toothbrush in the toilet

If it was Kristin Davis, I could overlook that. 

Oh look, there's my friend FDR. I'm going to nail him in the back of the head. It's going to be great!

I’m starving. And if it’s peanut butter, shove it in your face!

Edited by 4th&Five

What do I need to talk for ... to blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend.

10 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

How often do you cut your toenails?

I’d say every 2.5 to 8 weeks. 

10 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

What do I need to talk for ... to blab to the neighbors about George has a new fem-Jerry friend or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend.

I’ve done all that. 

You know, your friend is right.  I do look a little like Jerry.

Behold, a new contender has emerged.  (something like that, I never get this one exactly right despite using it weekly).  

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.