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Featured Replies

Glad you’re ok OP but fuck pre pay for your rental car gas. It’s usually cheaper than at the gas station 

23 minutes ago, We’reTexas said:

The airport area is legit bad but Oakland gets an unfair rap. It’s been over two years since they last found a body in the lake!

Nicole ready to do work.

My best mugging memory from many years ago takes place at the parking lot of the Red Slipper ( aka Dead Zipper because there was never any ass there) on Lancaster in Fort worth. 

Walking out drunk as shit some dude walks up way too fast then BAM from behind i get nailed with a bat to the dome.

I didn't go down and the blood was flowing. I said, Im gonna eat your fucking nose, to the guy who hit me and lunged like a spider monkey. 

I heard some lady yell, Coco! Leave yhat crazy white boy alone! Before it went dark.

Still have the scar if anyone wants to see it.

Edit: this is my friends account of what happened. I dont remember shit

Edited by MissingInAction

1 hour ago, ztejas said:

zoolander GIF

I got smacked in the face in Chicago one time because I was being dumb and unsafe and the dude got some weed and $200 off me. 

I had just used the ATM so I told Wells Fargo that I never got the cash and got the $200 back. Because fuck WF.

I've had a gun pulled on me but it wasn't a mugging-type situation and I just left. 

That's all I got. 

I mean on the one hand fuck Wells Fargo, but in the other hand fuck Wells Fargo even more.

7 minutes ago, HornPhD said:

Like all urban areas, there are both “good” and “bad” neighborhoods. Overall, Oakland is a pretty cool city with a lot of positives. 

Sorry, it was a joke. We drive over to Temescal all the time. 

21 minutes ago, Firemans4Horn said:


@immamac

maybe we run this as the quote on the top of the board for a couple weeks. 

I think we add it to the 2026 Recruiting thread title...

3 minutes ago, We’reTexas said:

Sorry, it was a joke. We drive over to Temescal all the time. 

For most Texas football games, we grab a fried chicken salad from Bakesale Betty and head over to Kingfish. 

1 hour ago, Dewey said:

Have the rental company put gas in the car. I do not know how much extra it is, but im not stopping to put a quarter tank back in. Plus, if you're in Oakland, you probably get robbed filling up.

I do this now regardless of the city.  

2 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

 My $50 watch looked like an Omega - so they only focused on it and not my wallet. 

44eea69c-1798-461d-b23b-fb000f08094d_tex

2 hours ago, Mantis Toboggan, MD said:

Oakland is a completely lawless hellhole and under no circumstances should you go there for any reason whatsoever. That gas station by the airport is the most dangerous gas station in America with robberies and burglaries occurring daily.  Go to google maps and read some reviews.  

The streets of homeless villages and burned out RVs are basically a mad max or escape from NY film set.  It is truly an awful place.

 

My cousin lives in the Oakland Hills. It's, uh, very not like that.

Downtown has plenty of really nice places, too.

It's 100% a city where you need to have your head on straight and know your neighborhoods, but lol at that generalization.

0814ed7d536e3bfdf1d1fb2f5b2746d9.jpg

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I shoulda said, “Do you know where I kept this watch for 30 years before I put it on today?”

IMG_4885.jpeg.2a728a2222ca63ea6c9ba1ecebc0a78e.jpeg

 

4 minutes ago, texifornia said:

My cousin lives in the Oakland Hills. It's, uh, very not like that.

Downtown has plenty of really nice places, too.

It's 100% a city where you need to have your head on straight and know your neighborhoods, but lol at that generalization.

0814ed7d536e3bfdf1d1fb2f5b2746d9.jpg

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The more people believe it's nothing but sideshows, knockout, and flaming barrels, the slower the gentrification

11 minutes ago, texifornia said:

It's 100% a city where you need to have your head on straight and know your neighborhoods, but lol at that generalization.

So basically the vast majority of major cities 

1 hour ago, HornPhD said:

Depends on where you are in Oakland. A lot of people out enjoying the day near Lake Merritt.

IMG_3409.thumb.jpeg.fa0419c0ce1421e11914ea6f8bcde44f.jpegIMG_3414.thumb.jpeg.6f56c6696683616f42041d66f0a49e97.jpegIMG_3420.thumb.jpeg.4ab7da05fd1098db97fb1c4be5145d3e.jpegIMG_3425.thumb.jpeg.5ac36664ee4170ed5e43adf72a999224.jpegIMG_3426.thumb.jpeg.61cafde8ad078af1c794ae916e8726de.jpegIMG_3428.thumb.jpeg.1af4209ddfa6d30677acbe8c97081870.jpeg

Are you scouting your next victim?  Which one is it?

2 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

1234.

It's why no matter how tough they are, some dude can walk in on you banging his wife, and you stand up, fully nude, and scream at him "I may have made love to your wife but I'm gonna fuck you so hard your grandchildren are going to feel it and your wife is going to film the whole thing" and I guarantee you that they are going to get the fuck out there.  Whether it's you being fully nude, or your raging erection, or the intensity in your voice or your eyes, you have to convince them that you are in fact going to fuck them, and they will flee, saving one of you a trip to the hospital.

Edit: it would probably work at a gas station hold-up, assuming you could get your clothes off and get erect fast enough.  Dudes who cosplay that they are tough generally can't handle another nekkid man.

There's probably better ways to get guys to fuck you, if that's what you're looking for.

20 minutes ago, Js1 said:

So basically the vast majority of major cities 

But with whistle tips.

Animated GIF


 

6 minutes ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

Are you scouting your next victim?  Which one is it?

I just missed getting a pic of a hot (and very rude) black chick rollerskating around the lake. There’s a lot of talent walking/running around the lake on weekends. 

I’m in Oakland once a month.  Used to get hassled from corporate about having National fill the tank until I showed them the multiple articles and told them to kick rocks.

Never rent an SUV since there is no trunk to stow your gear (and stow it before parking).

9 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

I’m in Oakland once a month.  Used to get hassled from corporate about having National fill the tank until I showed them the multiple articles and told them to kick rocks.

Never rent an SUV since there is no trunk to stow your gear (and stow it before parking).

It's pretty easy to get into the trunk of most modern sedans va the backseats.

52 minutes ago, texifornia said:

My cousin lives in the Oakland Hills. It's, uh, very not like that.

Downtown has plenty of really nice places, too.

It's 100% a city where you need to have a lot of money and avoid poor neighborhoods, but lol at that generalization.

0814ed7d536e3bfdf1d1fb2f5b2746d9.jpg

960x0.jpg?format=jpg&width=960

 

Edited by ChickenSandwich

2 minutes ago, SizzleChest said:

It's pretty easy to get into the trunk of most modern sedans va the backseats.

No doubt; however, whatever is in there is not visible and certainly takes longer than a smash and grab.

51 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

I shoulda said, “Do you know where I kept this watch for 30 years before I put it on today?”

IMG_4885.jpeg.2a728a2222ca63ea6c9ba1ecebc0a78e.jpeg

 

He'd be DAMNED if any gas station thieves were gonna lay their hands on it!

What I've learned today is that next Wednesday, when I take an Uber from San Francisco to the Oakland Airport, I will by no means allow the driver to stop for gas. 

As long as we’re talking Oakland, I had my luggage stolen from my hosts car while we ate at Burmese superstar.  It was a work trip so I ended up wearing the same clothes for three days.  

4 minutes ago, ChickenSandwich said:

 

...while we're on the subject of every major American city...

The car theft problem is very real, no doubt. And the homeless encampments are just really sad. But it's so so far from a universal hellscape. That's just someone seeing what they want to see from the freeway.

Edited by texifornia

10 minutes ago, SizzleChest said:

It's pretty easy to get into the trunk of most modern sedans va the backseats.

I got in your mom's trunk via the backseat of a sedan. 

14 minutes ago, SizzleChest said:

It's pretty easy to get into the trunk of most modern sedans va the backseats.

Once you're in pretty much any car there's a trunk release button or lever to the left of the steering column

2 hours ago, BabaYaga said:

FBI had an old drill called the Tueller Drill they used to train agents with.  It's up for some debate now, but the basic premise was someone with a knife/bat/etc. can cover 21 feet before you can clear your holster and get off a shot.  If you are expecting it, sure you can make the shot.  Out and about your normal life, I put some merit into it.  Your brain can't process what is happening fast enough to react.  But again, you "fell" to the level of training your subconscious, monkey brain remembers.  

And I remember the Kempo movie "The Perfect Weapon" having just about the baddest assest scene ever for the time when four dudes tried to take his wallet

bad-movies-rule-the-perfect-weapon-movie

Yeah.  When they train us.  They called it closing distance.  3 seconds is how fast they can get to you.  

22 minutes ago, Samson's Wig said:

What I've learned today is that next Wednesday, when I take an Uber from San Francisco to the Oakland Airport, I will by no means allow the driver to stop for gas. 

There ain't no driver

3 hours ago, Bevo said:


Doing what Van Damme does may not be so great for your anus.

vandamne-splits.gif

 

Gotta fill up north of the 580 and hope the needle doesn't drop below F by the time you get to the airport.

3 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

It's why no matter how tough they are, some dude can walk in on you banging his wife, and you stand up, fully nude, and scream at him "I may have made love to your wife but I'm gonna fuck you so hard your grandchildren are going to feel it and your wife is going to film the whole thing" and I guarantee you that they are going to get the fuck out there.  Whether it's you being fully nude, or your raging erection, or the intensity in your voice or your eyes, you have to convince them that you are in fact going to fuck them, and they will flee, saving one of you a trip to the hospital.

Shark Tank Writing GIF

3 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

1234.

It's why no matter how tough they are, some dude can walk in on you banging his wife, and you stand up, fully nude, and scream at him "I may have made love to your wife but I'm gonna fuck you so hard your grandchildren are going to feel it and your wife is going to film the whole thing" and I guarantee you that they are going to get the fuck out there.  Whether it's you being fully nude, or your raging erection, or the intensity in your voice or your eyes, you have to convince them that you are in fact going to fuck them, and they will flee, saving one of you a trip to the hospital.

Edit: it would probably work at a gas station hold-up, assuming you could get your clothes off and get erect fast enough.  Dudes who cosplay that they are tough generally can't handle another nekkid man.

kinky-tuxedo.gif

1 hour ago, Samson's Wig said:

What I've learned today is that next Wednesday, when I take an Uber from San Francisco to the Oakland Airport, I will by no means allow the driver to stop for gas. 

Bring a lighter and wear a cheap watch. 

You gotta have a better gas station plan.

 

 

6 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

I have to admit the fight or flight rush for about 15 minutes afterwards was something

Glad that you are ok.  

Shart thread is that way, tho.....

6 hours ago, Steel Shank said:

I'm trying to think what Jean Claude Van Damme would've done, then I'd do the same thing.

I didn't know JCVD was such a pipe layer.

Quote

Despite the middle-aged dad-bod version of me...God help the poor, dumb motherfucker that tries to mug me.  Mostly because I just do not give a fuck, and I sure as fuck ain't giving you my wallet.  

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fuck you up.  And the odds of you shooting me somewhere important are pretty slim before I feed that gun back to you.  

Plus, I always reserve the right to pull down my pants.  "One of us is gonna cum.  One of us is gonna die."  And then...charge!

That's all i got.....

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31 minutes ago, After irth said:

Glad that you are ok.  

Shart thread is that way, tho.....

No sharting or shaking. More a massive Peruvian marching powder ingestion 15 minutes ago type feel. 

I’ve read. 

 

My wife and I got mugged in New Orleans a year or so after Katrina. We were there for a wedding. Two guys ran up to us late at night, nobody around, pointed a gun at my face. (We probably should not have been in that area so late and alone. We were walking back from a bar to our hotel room). 

Got my wife's purse (ID, cash, credit cards, cell phone).  

I gave him my money clip, showed him my clip with credit cards and ID, said "That's all our cash". Then they ran off, so I still had my ID and credit cards and phone. 

Cops showed up less than five minutes after we called. 

Caught one of the guys a few weeks later, sent us a line up by mail. We ID'd one of the guys in the line up. He was already in jail for something else, pled guilty to our armed robbery, and went away for a while. Never heard anything about the other guy. 

 

 

That was boring

I was hoping for a Batman-esque origin story

I went to boot camp in Alameda, so this his close to home.

2 hours ago, RPM said:

I went to boot camp in Alameda, so this his close to home.

It's pronounced allla-meeee-dah

On 7/7/2025 at 4:52 PM, We’reTexas said:

The airport area is legit bad but Oakland gets an unfair rap. It’s been over two years since they last found a body in the lake!

To be fair, Nicole is too smart to go to Oakland.

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Update: I received an unexpected call from a Detective from Oakland.  Someone had called in and reported my mugging and the black sedan.  They must have given a partial license, because the detective said that their crime detection cameras and license plate scanner had found the car quickly.   Using my credit card information from the gas station they found my address and phone number, and called me to ask if I was in Oakland on Monday around 11:30.   When I confirmed I was mugged around then and my watch stolen, the detective was extremely happy.   They weren’t sure if anything was taken, but the guy  they arrested had just gotten out of jail for robbing people at gas stations.   There was also a mini crime spree Saturday, Sunday and Monday, which they think mostly involved this guy at nearby gas stations.   Because of the information I gave them (watch stolen) they were now formally charging him with a felony.   I told the detective that I would be happy to fly to Oakland on my dime to testify, and to tell the Dipshit that at the pre-trial.   

Given that I never made a police report, the fact Oakland detectives tracked me down and have arrested a likely suspect is pretty damn awesome. Remind me not to go crime-ing in Oakland.   

oh. They got a subpoena for the car from the scan match - and found what looks to be some stolen stuff in it.  If they find my watch, they will send it to me after the case is closed. 

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