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Featured Replies

Just heard my first commercial, so I guess it's time for the thread.

I'm not much of a shopper but (no CR) I presume tariffs are affecting price and availability of the junk we buy and give to people we dislike?

Edited by Parliament

Driving home after dinner last night, and I saw a house with their Christmas lights up and on.  On October 14th, with the highs in the 90's.  

As I came around the corner and first saw the lights through some trees, I say "Oh no!  Please no.  Not already."  My wife asks me what the hell I am talking about.  As we get closer to the house, I can confirm it is indeed Christmas lights (they weren't up the night before, so I was hoping it was some sort of Halloween thing). The job was obviously professionally done, so I guess they want to get their money's worth.

3 hours ago, YoungCounty said:

Driving home after dinner last night, and I saw a house with their Christmas lights up and on.  On October 14th, with the highs in the 90's.  

As I came around the corner and first saw the lights through some trees, I say "Oh no!  Please no.  Not already."  My wife asks me what the hell I am talking about.  As we get closer to the house, I can confirm it is indeed Christmas lights (they weren't up the night before, so I was hoping it was some sort of Halloween thing). The job was obviously professionally done, so I guess they want to get their money's worth.

Probably Diwali 

People down the street put up their Halloween decorations Labor Day weekend so that’s about the same timing. 

Folks is broke in 2025. Telling my people, give me a list of 1 or 2 items you want max. I'm capping a dollar limit per person. Middle class be middle classin' outchea.

  • Popular Post

It's that time of the year again...   It's been 16 years since Wide-e-wide wrote this glorious ode to Christmas...

 

Quote

 

After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week.

My wife told me about this thing at the beginning of December. To be honest I had forgotten all about it until the night before. I did not want to go. Call me a scrooge but riding around looking at electricity captured in colored bulbs is not my idea of entertainment. However, the kids were looking forward to it and apparently at some point I had agreed to do it.

This little tour got us for 6 bucks a head. My wife, her parents, our 4 kids and I all went. Now I wasn’t a math major but that’s $48 to ride around in a trolley and look at lights. WTF? (I found this out the day of)

So we drive all the way the hell to downtown Waco and sit and wait for this trolley to take us on the tour. They’ve got a tree, Santa, hot cocoa…all that shit. Finally all the trolleys roll up and Shaquandra our official Christmas lights tour guide hops out and says “Y’all goin’ to look at the lights?....(pause) Okay ‘den let’s get our roll on”

My initial gripe is that the bitch is driving at mach speed and you can’t see shit but a blurry-ass Santa and the occasional Wal-Mart $9.99 wire light-up reindeer. My father-in-law asks if she could slow down a bit so that we could take pictures and appreciate the lights a little more..(his words not mine). By this time I’ve already leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear “ $48 for this shit?” ….she’s gives me the obligatory elbow and “stop being like that”.

We roll along for about 15 minutes looking at every tacky piece of shit overkill light extravaganza in East Waco. Suddenly we get on the highway and start heading to the other side of town. We ride for a good 12-15 minutes without seei.ng a single damn house decorated. So I lean over to the wife again and say “umm where the hell are we going?”.
Elbow “shut up” and all that again. Shaquandra has Mariah Carey’s Christmas cd blasting and we’re just “gettin’ our roll on”. ……………………..and then it happened.

Signs and streets started to look really familiar. My oldest daughter says “hey there’s HEB.” As in the HEB right down the road from our house (approx. 1/2 mile)
I lean over to the wife again….”This bitch better not turn right at this light”
What does the driver do????? That’s right folks…fucking turns right and heads right to our neighborhood. Not only our neighborhood…BUT OUR FUCKING STREET!!
I am just at a loss for words by this point. I cannot believe this is happening. Street after street, house after house for a good 30 minutes. The driver is going on and on about “oooh like over thurr…look at the Santa up on the roof kids”…….I know bitch …I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK.

I can’t type this anymore…it’s just too painful. The point is….

We spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood. My wife just hung her head in shame. I’ll be in charge of Christmas spirit next year thank you very much

 

 

  • Popular Post

Anyone else actually read this story to their family each year?  Cause I do.

  • Popular Post

Yep, me too.  My son, who lives in Waco, loves it.  He has taken me by where he thinks this occurred, both of us laughing.  Every time I see a Santa on a roof, I holler "I know, bitch.  I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK!"  My wife loves it when I do that.

11 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

My son, who lives in Waco, loves it.

 

Please pass along my condolences. 

I understand she was driving pretty fast and all, but I never understood why he didn't just jump off the trolley with a finely executed tuck and roll into his yard when passing his house. 

I’m pretty sure both Home Depot and Lowe’s had their decorations for Christmas out October 1st up here in Mass. Maybe sooner. It’s pretty ridiculous.

i took this picture Sept 27th

image.thumb.jpeg.949ec71891e77b220ce12b6b300a5977.jpeg

Edited by Captain Ron

On 10/20/2025 at 4:20 PM, CycleTex87 said:

I mean, let’s keep it under $10k this Christmas, amirite?

Per person?   I guess we are cutting back.

2 hours ago, Captain Ron said:

I’m pretty sure both Home Depot and Lowe’s had their decorations for Christmas out October 1st up here in Mass. Maybe sooner. It’s pretty ridiculous.

i took this picture Sept 27th

image.thumb.jpeg.949ec71891e77b220ce12b6b300a5977.jpeg

 

While bolded above is ragey enough, hell, they probably have to do that so you can save up the $1200 for that yard set. 🤬

3 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

 

While bolded above is ragey enough, hell, they probably have to do that so you can save up the $1200 for that yard set. 🤬

Hell in Austin you could hire real homeless people and costume them up for a week for less than that.  

11 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Hell in Austin you could hire real homeless people and costume them up for a week for less than that.  

Much like hookers, the issue is not paying them to stay, it is paying them to leave.

On 10/20/2025 at 8:22 PM, Macanudo said:

It's that time of the year again...   It's been 16 years since Wide-e-wide wrote this glorious ode to Christmas...

 

 

19 years later and it's still funny! True holiday gold

thread police/ 

This should just be a Christmas thread. November 1st is when someone posts the "Official Bitch About Your Families at the Holidays, 202x" edition.

  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/15/2025 at 6:22 PM, Kennythetiger said:

You about to get your roll on. 

*They about to get der roll on 

  • 3 weeks later...

wife and i decided we wanted to explore the landscape of flavors of rum flavors - our new favorite sips - through 2025 xmas “gifting”.
 

basically a flimsy pretense to restock the liquor cabinet. 

  • Popular Post

I’ve told this story before but it’s a good one. 
 

today, thanksgiving, I go to what is called the martini matinee. It started with 2 men who passed years ago, I believe this was the 49th. 
 

They were both at the office thanksgiving morning and one saw the other across the square in Atlanta Texas. He called, and asked “why are you working?”  “To get away from my in-laws”. “Come over to my office and let’s have a martini” 

rules are, coat and tie. 10:30-11:30, with a mandatory leave at 11:30. You can only have martinis (gin or vodka) and served in pewter cups over ice. So straight vodka or straight gin. Nothing else is offered. 
 

 

11 hours ago, markstanco said:

I’ve told this story before but it’s a good one. 
 

today, thanksgiving, I go to what is called the martini matinee. It started with 2 men who passed years ago, I believe this was the 49th. 
 

They were both at the office thanksgiving morning and one saw the other across the square in Atlanta Texas. He called, and asked “why are you working?”  “To get away from my in-laws”. “Come over to my office and let’s have a martini” 

rules are, coat and tie. 10:30-11:30, with a mandatory leave at 11:30. You can only have martinis (gin or vodka) and served in pewter cups over ice. So straight vodka or straight gin. Nothing else is offered. 
 

 

"this is what they [my political adversaries] took away from us"

On 11/27/2025 at 6:43 PM, markstanco said:

I’ve told this story before but it’s a good one. 
 

today, thanksgiving, I go to what is called the martini matinee. It started with 2 men who passed years ago, I believe this was the 49th. 
 

They were both at the office thanksgiving morning and one saw the other across the square in Atlanta Texas. He called, and asked “why are you working?”  “To get away from my in-laws”. “Come over to my office and let’s have a martini” 

rules are, coat and tie. 10:30-11:30, with a mandatory leave at 11:30. You can only have martinis (gin or vodka) and served in pewter cups over ice. So straight vodka or straight gin. Nothing else is offered. 
 

 

This guy rules. Awesome. 
 

image.thumb.png.5eaf6dbd49dc6ec414bc3c876b7494c1.png

On 11/29/2025 at 8:39 PM, tfoolry said:

This guy rules. Awesome. 
 

image.thumb.png.5eaf6dbd49dc6ec414bc3c876b7494c1.png

When I first watched the video, I questioned whether he was wearing pants.  Glad to see I was wrong on that score.

On 11/29/2025 at 8:39 PM, tfoolry said:

This guy rules. Awesome. 
 

image.thumb.png.5eaf6dbd49dc6ec414bc3c876b7494c1.png

This guy was a big time lawyer back in the day in Florida, chair of the local county democrat party iirc. I’ve known him for 40 years, great guy and would do anything for a stranger. 

  • Popular Post

We’re in full swing at the Celery household

IMG_7659.thumb.jpeg.43b0aa10c3b452836e3ef9e371aeade4.jpeg

IMG_7661.thumb.jpeg.35fdb262e33387700efcbbf4f67da28e.jpeg

IMG_7556.thumb.jpeg.6776f7a6e9173f57425d92e6382340cb.jpeg
IMG_7464.thumb.jpeg.39a1ab2e409e31ab7e2a0eb0c22b6952.jpeg

Edited by Celery Man

good job @Celery Man 

you’re not nearly as obese as I assume everyone here is 

 

Eh, a little grayer, but basically the same ol celery from days of the warped tour and all the rest. I think he ended up better off, and is doing just fine. 

14 hours ago, B00M said:

you’re not nearly as obese as I assume everyone here is 

Avatar checks out.

B00M

Edited by idigTexas

On 12/7/2025 at 8:56 AM, WithoutAClue said:

b52xmas.jpg

My father-in-law was a B-52 pilot and then a B-1B pilot.  Reteried as a Lt. Col. B1 Squadron Leader a long time a go RIP.  It was strange for such a mild mannered guy to be the grim reaper and deliverer of nuclear death for 25 years.  He later became a preacher and a math teacher.

My wife, who just got out of the hospital for some kind of crazy complications after having her gallbladder removed last week, is a lot of things, but one of them is an absolute lunatic when it comes to one upping every other mom in the Christmas cookie “thanks for being a preschool teacher/neighbor” game. Game set match

IMG_7810.thumb.jpeg.6682d090f22156a1ef7d9f8079eb4ebe.jpeg

Edited by Celery Man

  • Popular Post

My unpleasant but accurate thought for the year is this... my focus is solely on Christ. I will not be buying one single Christmas gift. I'm married to the antichrist who has tried to destroy me physically, emotionally and spiritually.  She has lied to and convinced the children that they should totally have nothing to do with me, so fine. I unselfishly supported her and the children for 32 years.  So if they buy into her lying bs... so be it. I will be focusing on the true reason for the season, God Bless you all.

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