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Lincoln Riley thinks Lowell Galindo is ready for a national play-by-play gig.

Edited by TexArcher

Just listened to the recording really closely and realized that Lincoln Riley was really saying that he would pay treefiddy to lick Toby Kieth's ass.

Lincoln Riley once jerked off with Icy Hot so he could put “living life on the edge” on his dating profile.

Lincoln Riley thinks primetime network TV desperately needs more hospital dramas.
And detective shows.

Lincoln Riley once got an F on a book report about "Lord of the Flies" when he illustrated it. With Hobbits.

Lincoln Riley much rather prefers an isosceles Devil's Triangle to a scalene Devil's Triangle.

 

 

Lincoln Riley hates saving money on car insurance with Geico.

Lincoln Riley pays by check at the grocery store, doesn't start filling it out until the cashier finishes scanning the items, and then remembers he said he'd pick up a soft pack of Pall Malls menthols for the pregnant girl from the trailer park.

Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.

RickH.jpg

Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.
RickH.jpg
Wait, the suck cut?

Lincoln Riley brings a bag of fast food to group meals at nice restaurants. 

26 minutes ago, Mikey4 said:
40 minutes ago, CBHorn said:
Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.
RickH.jpg

Wait, the suck cut?

CGdPEakWQAA0vH5.jpg

Lincoln Riley rents out an entire theater the first Friday of every month so that he can watch Titanic in his pajamas and cry during that scene where Jack freezes to death even though that bitch had enough room for like 4 people on whatever that thing was that she was floating on. 

Lincoln Riley won an autographed poster of NKOTB for submitting the most entries to a fan club drawing for a chance to win a NKOTB leather jacket in 1993. His parents spent $2,800 on postage stamps alone. That poster is huddled around before every game as he leads the team in reciting the inspirational words of “Hangin Tough”. 

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Just a hangin tough. 

1 hour ago, Vertigo said:

Lincoln Riley brings a bag of fast food to group meals at nice restaurants. 

And it's In-N-Out Burger.

Lincoln Riley doesn’t always eat dicks... who am I kidding, he’s always eating bags of dicks.

or in the first person, with graphic:

36990570503_d78faa2a3a_b.jpg

2 minutes ago, The Dude said:

Lincoln Riley is a hermaphrodite

without the penis

Lincoln Riley doesn't return shopping carts to the shopping cart corral and leaves it in an open parking space.

Edited by El Squared

Lincoln Riley has a blue parking sticker he uses at Luby's claiming he was injured "surfing the web".

lincoln riley starts fights between the klobasniky and kolache camps on the internet

Lincoln Riley leaves a glass of milk and a plate of meth for Santa Claus

Lincoln Riley likes to have "the talk" with other people's children.

When his only friend went away to community college, Lincoln Riley changed his name to Mike Honcho and spread his butt apart for Playgirl magazine.

Lincoln Riley needed overtime to beat Army. (True Story.)

Lincoln Riley was named for JFK's secretary.

Lincoln Riley's favorite pizza is "Hawaiian"...with extra dicks.

That guy sucks.

Like OU.

 

 

\\m//

 

 

 

Lincoln Riley eats sardines and limberger cheese in a crowded movie theater, then belches loudly in the faces of the people on either side of him.

Lincoln Riley could not sleep through this night. Too excited. Looch met him in the hotel stairwell, just after midnight,  with a brand new bag’o’dicks. Things happened. His mind is nowhere near this game. He won’t shit right for two weeks.

When Lincoln Riley goes to the bank, he uses the drive thru teller and makes sure he goes on Saturday when there's only one lane open. When it's his turn, he pulls to the window and sits without doing anything for several minutes.  He then sends the canister to the teller and requests a pen.  He then embarks on what must be the most complicated bank transaction ever which requires the canister to be sent back and forth 4 more times at five minute intervals. All the while his car is running and spewing the foulest exhaust.  When his transaction is finally finished, he puts his car in gear and just as you think he's about to drive off, he puts it back in park and calls the teller. He then reviews his paperwork and counts his money without pulling through. By the time you get to the window, they're closed and Monday is a holiday.  

Lincoln Riley thinks we should forget the Alamo

Lincoln Riley is undefeated as HC against texas.
TTL, P

Lincoln Riley eats only small, baby corn dicks because anything larger would be too intimidating. But he gorges on them by dump truck delivery. He’s a mass consumption tiny dick-eating sooner and a, NOW VERIFIED, loser. 

Tiny-dick-eating LOSER

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