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Featured Replies

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

Who else is getting increasingly hammered right now. I've commandeered the piano where I'm at.  

Play Billy Joel's "Piano Man"!!!

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  • This is always one of my favorite threads.  Usually, I just kick back and enjoy some schadenfreude while reading other people's stories.  But this year is different.  My wife and I have been on the ou

  • took the boys and the wife to Tahoe for skiing and poker. Best thanksgiving ever.    

  • My FIL asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee when I got up this morning. I said yes and he proceeded to pour a cup and put it in the microwave. As he hands it to me he tells me that it was from yesterd

9 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Well, sure a Honda Accord is a pretty good car and serviceable, but if there is a 68 convertible Camaro with a large block right next to it, what would be your preference for a country drive on a beautiful day?

That's what I thought.

"large block"?

Wait, why are we limiting what alcohol can go in coffee? It’s not like you are getting hammered at 9 a.m. when you drink it so if it tastes good, fuck it.

Also, mimosas are tasty so fuck you if you don’t like them.

3 hours ago, ztejas said:

Who else is getting increasingly hammered right now. I've commandeered the piano where I'm at.  

You better throw down some Reverend Billy C. Wirtz.

Nieces saw Santa, olds got their pics, I ate a shit ton of good food from classical Swedish fare to jalapeño-Ed cranberry sauce, gifts were thoughtful all around, hung out with a crazy retired ceo type that puts 10+ Xmas trees every year at his place and then throws a party. Great host, kept giving away his liquor and beer.

Got to run/workout and decompress on my own; suburbia landscape but not that bad. Nice decorations on all the houses at least. Nieces discovered mad libs so it was fun being the uncle who go to say “poopie” for a noun or “stink butts” for plural nouns and getting to hear the kids nearly piss themselves with laughter. No complaints. 

4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I'll reheat cold coffee in the microwave. I don't have a problem with that. But I'd never serve it to guests. 

Family ain't "guests". They're Gods way of teaching you to get along with people you otherwise would not hang out with.

4 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

He didn’t make, and keep, all that money by wasting it on coffee that goes down the drain. 

This post truly hit a chord. Every time I go to my wife’s grandparents I get coffee out of the microwave. We bought them a nespresso this year. 

You want them to pay how much for a single coffee?  At least it will still be brand new next Xmas.  I would change out the water next December first.

This page tells me why specs was so packed yesterday.

Merry Christmas, assholes.

And may the drink of your choice bring you peace, joy, and/or inebriation today.

7 hours ago, ztejas said:

Who else is getting increasingly hammered right now. I've commandeered the piano where I'm at.  

Motherfucking Billy Joel over here

1 hour ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

You want them to pay how much for a single coffee?  At least it will still be brand new next Xmas.  I would change out the water next December first.

Lol. I got an recall notification email over an Emerson smart thermostat I bought parents 2 years ago.

 

Called them to tell them to rip it off for an exchange....they said it's still in the box.

On December 24, 2018 at 12:28 AM, Goofyboy said:

Anyone post the looking at Christmas lights in his own neighborhood story? 

Yes. 

Put this in coffee and you'll never use shitty Bailey's ever again.
2528090e8d66c78e54d826057b9a119a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Put this in coffee and you'll never use shitty Bailey's ever again.
2528090e8d66c78e54d826057b9a119a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk




I’ve got a bottle in the fridge.

I just finished a 30 min discussion with my sjw, college professor sister and no blood was drawn. #christmasspirit

^^^^^

sounds like preemptive probes for later in the day.  Scouting, if you will...

Golden Corral is closed, but there's half-a-dozen cars strung out about the lot. Do that many people stroke out daily @GC?
Stripes b'fast tacos. Happy b'day Jesus.

Wait, why are we limiting what alcohol can go in coffee? It’s not like you are getting hammered at 9 a.m. when you drink it so if it tastes good, fuck it.

Also, mimosas are tasty so fuck you if you don’t like them.
Mimosas in coffee? Kinky

Ps

 

56def536183e2d9d5c4b84034cc092c1.jpg

 

Warming up to room temp. Going on the smoker at noon. Brisket went on at 6:40. Newfangled Masterbilt lectric smoker. First brisket on the mfer. Made pulled pork and smoked chicken on it. Came out pretty good. Prey for my meeat.

 

Pps. The orange tumbler has my coffee in it. The coffee has in it all the liquids on the counter and mesquite chips.

 

 

30 minutes ago, MrPhlegm said:

Ps

 

56def536183e2d9d5c4b84034cc092c1.jpg

 

Warming up to room temp. Going on the smoker at noon. Brisket went on at 6:40. Newfangled Masterbilt lectric smoker. First brisket on the mfer. Made pulled pork and smoked chicken on it. Came out pretty good. Prey for my meeat.

 

Pps. The orange tumbler has my coffee in it. The coffee has in it all the liquids on the counter and mesquite chips.

 

 

You’re a weird fucker.

19 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Oh wow, 20% alcohol and metric fuck tons of sugar. Oh yeah, that's a way better way to get your AM drunk on.

Do you drink mimosas too?

I like mimosas. I also like my family. I even like my wife’s family. I enjoy spending time with all of them during the holidays. 

Sorry for ruining you black panther party.

You’re a weird fucker.

You new around here?

Lent my sister and BiL my burner and pot last year to fry a turkey, because I was in Virginia.  

We're all having Christmas at her house this year.  We want fried turkey but her HOA has since forbidden the practice, so she asked me if I'd fry a couple and bring them over.  So, all week I asked her "you're sure you still have all the components for the fryer because I won't pick it up until Christmas morning"  Yes, she assured me. 

So I go over there this morning to open gifts and get the fryer to bring back to my house.  Aaaaand, no thermometer.   

Nothing's open and I'm not sure how the fuck I'm supposed to fry two turkeys w/out having any clue to oil temp.  

 

Merry fuckin' Christmas

Lent my sister and BiL my burner and pot last year to fry a turkey, because I was in Virginia.  
We're all having Christmas at her house this year.  We want fried turkey but her HOA has since forbidden the practice, so she asked me if I'd fry a couple and bring them over.  So, all week I asked her "you're sure you still have all the components for the fryer because I won't pick it up until Christmas morning"  Yes, she assured me. 
So I go over there this morning to open gifts and get the fryer to bring back to my house.  Aaaaand, no thermometer.   
Nothing's open and I'm not sure how the fuck I'm supposed to fry two turkeys w/out having any clue to oil temp.  
 
Merry fuckin' Christmas
Did you specifically ask about the thermometer? If not, that's on you.
Yep, itemized the list.   She produced a meat thermometer. 
Ugh. Do you have an instant read temp gun? That might work in a pinch
2 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:
5 minutes ago, DigglerontheHoof said:
Yep, itemized the list.   She produced a meat thermometer. 

Ugh. Do you have an instant read temp gun? That might work in a pinch

Nope, we're kinda screwed.   

I wasn't supposed to get really drunk last night now I'm fucking hungover. My family is gonna piss me off in about an hour

 

2 hours ago, BradInATX said:

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Turn off your fucking Tapatalk signature, asshole.

Turn off your fucking Tapatalk signature, asshole.


Come on, Brad.
39 minutes ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

Lent my sister and BiL my burner and pot last year to fry a turkey, because I was in Virginia.  

We're all having Christmas at her house this year.  We want fried turkey but her HOA has since forbidden the practice, so she asked me if I'd fry a couple and bring them over.  So, all week I asked her "you're sure you still have all the components for the fryer because I won't pick it up until Christmas morning"  Yes, she assured me. 

So I go over there this morning to open gifts and get the fryer to bring back to my house.  Aaaaand, no thermometer.   

Nothing's open and I'm not sure how the fuck I'm supposed to fry two turkeys w/out having any clue to oil temp.  

 

Merry fuckin' Christmas

 

When you think your oil is nearly hot enough, take a strike-anywhere match and throw it in the oil.  When it ignites, your oil is ready.  I'm serious.

Merry Christmas Surlholes. Best damn scat-free Texas message board eva. 

6 minutes ago, Ten Bears said:

 

When you think your oil is nearly hot enough, take a strike-anywhere match and throw it in the oil.  When it ignites, your oil is ready.  I'm serious.

I believe I'm going to use a popcorn kernel or piece of bread, instead.  

11 hours ago, OrangEngr said:

Play Billy Joel's "Piano Man"!!!

I tried to learn it at one point and it's an absolute beast. 

Joel didn't fuck around.

Drank coffee with some non-sanctioned booze.

 

Wife won $50 bucks off scratch off tickets her parents got us.

 

Hopefully MiL doesn’t fuck up this lovely hunk of beef.

 

31752dc1f13badb2d08e9ab89c71ba76.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

40 minutes ago, dirtonia said:

Drank coffee with some non-sanctioned booze.

 

Wife won $50 bucks off scratch off tickets her parents got us.

 

Hopefully MiL doesn’t fuck up this lovely hunk of beef.

 

31752dc1f13badb2d08e9ab89c71ba76.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

There are certain time when one must politely step in and take over the kitchen. I would suggest that this may be one of those times. 

45 minutes ago, dirtonia said:

Hopefully MiL doesn’t fuck up this lovely hunk of beef.

She will.

As my father said about his grandmother "she never met a piece of meat she couldn't ruin"

Prime rib is now in the oven.

5d0d50ec5e514793d3f7fe26f0b89621.jpg

2 hours ago, luke duke said:

Come on, Brad.

 

Did you name your car Brad too, you little pussy.

1 hour ago, dirtonia said:

Drank coffee with some non-sanctioned booze.

 

Wife won $50 bucks off scratch off tickets her parents got us.

 

Hopefully MiL doesn’t fuck up this lovely hunk of beef.

 

31752dc1f13badb2d08e9ab89c71ba76.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

NON SANCTIONED BOOZE !!!! You baaaaaaastard !!!!

 
When you think your oil is nearly hot enough, take a strike-anywhere match and throw it in the oil.  When it ignites, your oil is ready.  I'm serious.


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Wife got over whatever was ailing her yesterday so all is good. Gifts = opened. Family phone calls = made. Sex like crazed weasels = had. Prime rib is rubbed & gonna go on the grill in about an hour. Gonna sip some Celis Double Porters until it's time to switch to cab for dinner.

Peace, ya bunch of assholes.

Well, at about the halfway mark. Spent two days at the river house with my folks and brother's brood, plus my grandma. Drove back home this morning, have the in laws coming over for dinner tonight. So far, so good.

 

 

And GOTJ has the most f'ed up FIL I've ever heard of.

We just did a drawing to distribute my late Uncles Adult DVD collection. I drew South Padre Sluts 47 

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

She will.

As my father said about his grandmother "she never met a piece of meat she couldn't ruin"

Phrasing??

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