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  • This is always one of my favorite threads.  Usually, I just kick back and enjoy some schadenfreude while reading other people's stories.  But this year is different.  My wife and I have been on the ou

  • took the boys and the wife to Tahoe for skiing and poker. Best thanksgiving ever.    

  • My FIL asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee when I got up this morning. I said yes and he proceeded to pour a cup and put it in the microwave. As he hands it to me he tells me that it was from yesterd

I guess coming from Oklahoma, any beers around here work like booze 
Another zinger!

I haven't lived in Oklahoma since 2012 and haven't had a 3.2 beer in longer. Actually, I think they finally changed that archaic law beginning last month.
1 hour ago, Okie State said:

Another zinger!

I haven't lived in Oklahoma since 2012 and haven't had a 3.2 beer in longer. Actually, I think they finally changed that archaic law beginning last month.

giphy.gif?cid=4bf119fc5bea55046a5a722e55

16 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

That's cold, dude. You said your kids always knew the stepmom as grandma and that your mother died earlier. Did they ever know your mother? Are they old enough to comprehend what's going on?

My real mom died years before they were born. My dad was married to her before they were born so they always thought of her as grandma

21 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Put a sock in it braggart

He got married during football season so he didn't learn everything.

11 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

He got married during football season so he didn't learn everything.

FIFY

I had to get married the same weekend that Aggie and Mizzou both had road games so that my kids could attend.

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8 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I had to get married the same weekend that Aggie and Mizzou both had road games so that my kids could attend.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

There's another ~8 months in the year besides football season.  Unless she's knocked up and you kind of "had to get married" pretty quick for "reasons".

Edited by Fudge Nuggets

Not much dysfunction here to add to the thread, but this year we're doing different.  Past has been alternating Thanksgiving between my BIL (San Marcos) and our place.  It was okay but nothing superb.  Mostly I'd eat then go out and and channel surf between football games and movies.  Most of the rest would play board games or something, meh.

The slight dysfunction this year is that for reasons too long/relatively uninteresting here, we didn't feel like putting up with the status quo this year (all 4 of our kids are now grown, at least college age) and it's not worth it.   Daughter is living in Texas City until March, so the boy is coming home from UT and driving with us Wednesday to Galveston, where we've rented a little beachy thing down on West Beach.  Daughter + boyfriend (nice kid, quiet, makes Penn of Penn & Teller verbose by comparison) will join us.  Dinner is a buffet out at a restaurant about 11:30 a.m.  then back to the beach house.  Weather is looking mild for that week so I'm kind of stoked.  Then I got to get the boy up to SW Houston to get his ride - he's going to Big Bend to raft for 3 days.  Then I get back and daughter + quiet boyfriend leave Friday morning, she has to work.  Hopefully I can put one in the wife's turkey hole before we leave back for Austin, but that's never a given of course.  So relative-free, should be great.

BIL/SIL are going to Oregon for Christmas (yay!) so I don't really know what we're going to do for that.  But we'll see.  Both my parents are dead, so it wouldn't make much sense to go to Maryland to see them.  I think.

Quiet boy will be riding your daughter’s rapids while you take son to SW H-town.

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

52 minutes ago, chesthair said:

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

 

56 minutes ago, chesthair said:

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

20120805-184951.jpg

41 minutes ago, chesthair said:

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

I hate my in-laws other than one sil so if my wife pulled that on me i'd be checking hotels.  luckily she hates them too.

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...
 
"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."
 
what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  
we are here for you bro...ever step of the way

My close cousin had the bad manners to have a massive heart attack and die on the way home last thanksgiving night.  That's all I got.

Where the hell is the Christmas lights story? We're already on page 3 for fuck's sake.

On 11/12/2018 at 8:31 AM, MissingInAction said:

South of DFW, north of Waco. It is definitely shit fuck.  

The Hillsboro outlet mall is counting on you to save their last remaining store. They need you MIA!

16 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Where the hell is the Christmas lights story? We're already on page 3 for fuck's sake.

WideEWide.

Never Forget.

  • Author

Who was the poster on the old site who recounted the story of his good for nothing relative (BIL?) that forced the entire family to wait 4 hours for Thanksgiving dinner because the matriarch of the family refused to eat until he was there? And the guy lived like 20 minutes from the house? No calls/texts or explanation for being late, just "I'll be there in a bit" and left everyone sitting around while the meal went to shit?

1 hour ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Good luck, chesthair.

I bet when you woke up this morning you didn't think you'd be typing that.

3 hours ago, chesthair said:

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

Get them all into one vehicle and blow it the fuck up 

4 hours ago, phdhorn said:

Not much dysfunction here to add to the thread, but this year we're doing different.  Past has been alternating Thanksgiving between my BIL (San Marcos) and our place.  It was okay but nothing superb.  Mostly I'd eat then go out and and channel surf between football games and movies.  Most of the rest would play board games or something, meh.

The slight dysfunction this year is that for reasons too long/relatively uninteresting here, we didn't feel like putting up with the status quo this year (all 4 of our kids are now grown, at least college age) and it's not worth it.   Daughter is living in Texas City until March, so the boy is coming home from UT and driving with us Wednesday to Galveston, where we've rented a little beachy thing down on West Beach.  Daughter + boyfriend (nice kid, quiet, makes Penn of Penn & Teller verbose by comparison) will join us.  Dinner is a buffet out at a restaurant about 11:30 a.m.  then back to the beach house.  Weather is looking mild for that week so I'm kind of stoked.  Then I got to get the boy up to SW Houston to get his ride - he's going to Big Bend to raft for 3 days.  Then I get back and daughter + quiet boyfriend leave Friday morning, she has to work.  Hopefully I can put one in the wife's turkey hole before we leave back for Austin, but that's never a given of course.  So relative-free, should be great.

BIL/SIL are going to Oregon for Christmas (yay!) so I don't really know what we're going to do for that.  But we'll see.  Both my parents are dead, so it wouldn't make much sense to go to Maryland to see them.  I think.

A man with a plan.  Respect.

On 11/12/2018 at 8:01 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

My family won't (or doesn't) do the politic thing.  My issue is that over half the people coming to our house are vegetarians/vegans.  Tha fuck is that?  

The only thing they could eat at my house would be cranberry relish.

4 hours ago, phdhorn said:

nice kid, quiet, makes Penn Teller of Penn & Teller verbose by comparison

FIFY - great analogy otherwise.

Who was the poster on the old site who recounted the story of his good for nothing relative (BIL?) that forced the entire family to wait 4 hours for Thanksgiving dinner because the matriarch of the family refused to eat until he was there? And the guy lived like 20 minutes from the house? No calls/texts or explanation for being late, just "I'll be there in a bit" and left everyone sitting around while the meal went to shit?

Yeah, I remember that. And whatever happened to the poster whose sister lived in an SUV in the walmart parking lot?

 

Also someone must have been running late for my wedding because in addition to crystal and whatnot we got a Red Lobster gift card. I don't think I've set foot in a Red Lobster for 20+ years but I'm gonna burn through that bad boy tonight.

 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

 

 

3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
4 hours ago, chesthair said:
Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...
 
"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."
 
what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

we are here for you bro...ever step of the way

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"

 

responses typed, but not sent:

"up your ass"

"up your bitch mom's ass"

"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

I'll take those off your hands.  I'll even move them for you.  what are internet friends for after all?  pm addy plz.

15 minutes ago, chesthair said:

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"

 

responses typed, but not sent:

"up your ass"

"up your bitch mom's ass"

"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

"fuck you, I will be in Vegas"

2 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Who was the poster on the old site who recounted the story of his good for nothing relative (BIL?) that forced the entire family to wait 4 hours for Thanksgiving dinner because the matriarch of the family refused to eat until he was there? And the guy lived like 20 minutes from the house? No calls/texts or explanation for being late, just "I'll be there in a bit" and left everyone sitting around while the meal went to shit?

I can top that.  Having Christmas lunch at in-laws.  BIL and family show up close to five (everything ready and we have been waiting on him since 12-1) and then the asshole tells us he ate lunch with the Russian Orthodox priest and wasn't hungry...………………...

3 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Who was the poster on the old site who recounted the story of his good for nothing relative (BIL?) that forced the entire family to wait 4 hours for Thanksgiving dinner because the matriarch of the family refused to eat until he was there? And the guy lived like 20 minutes from the house? No calls/texts or explanation for being late, just "I'll be there in a bit" and left everyone sitting around while the meal went to shit?

That family member would have been eating at the second seating later in day.

15 minutes ago, deter said:

I can top that.  Having Christmas lunch at in-laws.  BIL and family show up close to five (everything ready and we have been waiting on him since 12-1) and then the asshole tells us he ate lunch with the Russian Orthodox priest and wasn't hungry...………………...

I hope to God you cut a mother f*****

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"
 
responses typed, but not sent:
"up your ass"
"up your bitch mom's ass"
"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"
What'd you say back.. did you put it on a pedestal
3 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
48 minutes ago, chesthair said:
aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"
 
responses typed, but not sent:
"up your ass"
"up your bitch mom's ass"
"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

What'd you say back.. did you put it on a pedestal

K.I.S.S. = "Fuck that noise, your parents can sit there and frown all they fucking want.  They know the way back to Arkansas.  I love you."

 

got a heart emoji back...my wife is pretty damn cool.  i think she was trolling me earlier. 

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...
 
"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."
 
what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  


Don’t forget about that extremely important meeting that you can’t miss.
3 hours ago, chesthair said:

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"

 

responses typed, but not sent:

"up your ass"

"up your bitch mom's ass"

"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

"Don't worry, I'll make sure it disappears right before their show up"

4 hours ago, chesthair said:

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"

 

responses typed, but not sent:

"up your ass"

"up your bitch mom's ass"

"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

"Sounds like a challenge to drink them before your folks show up..."

At a certain point, a man's house is HIS fucking house.  I have relatives who do not partake, including my own freaking mom; but they have no vote on whether I have booze in my own damned house.

"Tell your folks to stay out of the fucking garage."  yes, of course tone, but her text demanded it.

Mrs tbone invited this lady who is kind of a friend of the family over for thanksgiving dinner a few years ago.

 

It was pretty funny to watch her try to suggest that I shouldn’t watch football while I was eating.

 

"It's either football or tits... your choice."

Not with those tits it wasn’t a choice

 

3 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Not with those tits it wasn’t a choice

 

That crossed my mind too, but ho-lee fok, football's gonna be on all day lady...

  • Author

chesthair should be live streaming his Thanksgiving. For our amusement I mean science.

Anyone coming to our house on Thanksgiving will need to accept the following:

  • apple brined, hickory smoked turkey (go someplace else if you want it deep fried)
  • a cornucopia of craft beers, wine, bourbon & whiskey
  • football on the TVs. All day
  • when the sun sets, the outdoor xmas lights are turned on & the vinyl classic holiday LPs go on the turntable
  • drinks around the fire pit while we stare at the stars

 

Edited by GhostOfTomJoad

20 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

chesthair should be live streaming his Thanksgiving. For our amusement I mean science.

Anyone coming to our house on Thanksgiving will need to accept the following:

  • apple brined, hickory smoked turkey (go someplace else if you want it deep fried)
  • a cornucopia of craft beers, wine, bourbon & whiskey
  • football on the TVs. All day
  • when the sun sets, the outdoor xmas lights are turned on & the vinyl classic holiday LPs go on the turntable
  • drinks around the fire pit while we stare at the stars

 

Well done 

aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"
 
responses typed, but not sent:
"up your ass"



hqdefault.jpg
aaaaannnnndddddd, i just get a text "Hey, where can i put your 87 bottles of bourbon and 2 refrigerators of craft beer while they are here?  You know my parents frown on your drinking"
 
responses typed, but not sent:
"up your ass"
"up your bitch mom's ass"
"at the apartment your ass is renting after i serve you with papers today"

So your third thought was to divorce her and give her the bourbon and beer?

My Grandparents didn’t allow alcohol for a long time at Thanksgiving. I don’t remember when that ended but our days are like this:

Wednesday night is taco and margarita night.

Thursday morning wake up and have a mimosa bar. Football is on all day long and there is never a complaint. We eat all day and sometime in the afternoon I start drinking whiskey. This will be my view Thursday night as we get a fire started on the beach.

ad08d7e39244c67fd8e0dc3bd587a622.jpg

da862d3f8cf85059e5527de1b8c68300.jpg

That's a nice scene.

You know what I really miss from thanksgivings of old?

Watching Barry Sanders uncleat motherfuckers.

Watching the cowboys O line just road grade some overmatched D and then winning that mutant John Madden Turkey with the 6 drumsticks.

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