December 4, 20187 yr Popular Post Full disclosure- ORIGINALLY POSTED by WIDE-E-WIDE Dec 2006 , 2 sites ago… Shamelessly copied and pasted for your enjoyment. Its been 12 years, but damn its still funny. After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week. My wife told me about this thing at the beginning of December. To be honest I had forgotten all about it until the night before. I did not want to go. Call me a scrooge but riding around looking at electricity captured in colored bulbs is not my idea of entertainment. However, the kids were looking forward to it and apparently at some point I had agreed to do it. This little tour got us for 6 bucks a head. My wife, her parents, our 4 kids and I all went. Now I wasn’t a math major but that's $48 to ride around in a trolley and look at lights. WTF? (I found this out the day of) So we drive all the way the hell to downtown Waco and sit and wait for this trolley to take us on the tour. They’ve got a tree, Santa, hot cocoa- All that shit. Finally all the trolleys roll up and Shaquandra our official Christmas lights tour guide hops out and says “Y’all going to look at the lights?....(pause) Okay den let’s get our roll on!” My initial gripe is that the bitch is driving at mach speed and you can’t see shit but a blurry-ass Santa and the occasional Wal-Mart $9.99 wire light-up reindeer. My father-in-law asks if she could slow down a bit so that we could take pictures and appreciate the lights a little more..(his words not mine). By this time I’ve already leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear “$48 for this shit?” She gives me the obligatory elbow and “stop being like that” We roll along for about 15 minutes looking at every tacky piece of shit overkill light extravaganza in East Waco. Suddenly we get on the highway and start heading to the other side of town. We ride for a good 12-15 minutes without seeing a single damn house decorated. So I lean over to the wife again and say “umm where the hell are we going?” Elbow “shut up” and all that again. Shaquandra has Mariah Carey’s Christmas cd blasting and we just getting our roll on...and then it happened. Signs and streets started to look really familiar. My oldest daughter says “hey there’s HEB.” As in the HEB right down the road from our house (approx. 1/2 mile) I lean over to the wife again “This bitch better not turn right at this light!” What does the driver do????? That’s right folks, fucking turns right and heads right to our neighborhood. Not only our neighborhood “BUT OUR FUCKING STREET!! I am just at a loss for words by this point. I cannot believe this is happening. Street after street, house after house for a good 30 minutes. The driver is going on and on about “oooh like over thurr- look at the Santa up on the roof kids.” I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK" I can’t type this anymore it's just too painful. The point is, we spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood. My wife just hung her head in shame. I’ll be in charge of Christmas spirit next year thank you very much.
December 4, 20187 yr Every year this gets me...."I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK"
December 4, 20187 yr Waco...getting on highways...christmas rides...its the small things that make this story a must read every year
December 4, 20187 yr Okay den let’s get our roll on!Every year I start reading and wonder if it will still be funny. Then I get here and laugh the rest of the way.
December 4, 20187 yr Popular Post Every year I hope he hops off the trolley in front of his house and goes inside and gets drunk.
December 4, 20187 yr Finally! I was anxiously awaiting this. Whew! Now I can get my Holidays started. Much Pos Rep (or whatever we're calling it these days...)
December 4, 20187 yr Love it. And my family is cool enough to probably let me read this on Christmas Eve as opposed to The Night Before Christmas.
December 4, 20187 yr 3 hours ago, 1978horn said: Every year this gets me...."I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK" Yep, that's the line every year.
December 4, 20187 yr Quote My wife just hung her head in shame. I derive some level of satisfaction in this one....
December 4, 20187 yr 5 hours ago, Beau Vine said: Okay den let’s get our roll on! This is also my favorite part of the story.
December 5, 20187 yr I heard Waco was crazy for real like everyones on drug's Edited December 5, 20187 yr by CHAD BRISCOE
December 5, 20187 yr 5 hours ago, APEX said: I assume wide-e-wide never made it over from the old site? I don’t think he did. Hey @slorch whatever happened to Wide-E-Wide?
December 5, 20187 yr 6 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said: I don’t think he did. Hey @slorch whatever happened to Wide-E-Wide? As far as I know, he just stopped posting and focused in his kids. He lived in Waco/Midway area Good dude and fantastic poster who I knew from this site and the old 5aTexas Football. He could talk shit with the best of em, but he knew his stuff too. Miss his posts...along with JTK too. For Wide- Go Army, Beat Navy! Edited December 5, 20187 yr by slorch
December 5, 20187 yr 19 hours ago, Beau Vine said: Every year I hope he hops off the trolley in front of his house and goes inside and gets drunk. This.
December 5, 20187 yr 18 hours ago, CHAD BRISCOE said: I heard Waco was crazy for real like everyones on drug's Your apostrophe seems to have wandered about nine spots to the right. Pesky little boogers. Edited December 5, 20187 yr by TrashMaster G
December 5, 20187 yr Thought about this last week, saw in the Trib that the tours were starting up. Get yer roll on!
December 5, 20187 yr I keep telling my daughter that I'm not in the christmas spirit and she keeps asking me when I will be. I guess I can tell her now that I am now.
December 6, 20187 yr Some aspiring Baylor film major seriously needs to make a short film on this story. It would absolutely kill on youtube.
December 6, 20187 yr 20 hours ago, Beau Vine said: Some aspiring Baylor film major seriously needs to make a short film on this story. It would absolutely kill on youtube. In a Mike Judge cartoon style
December 7, 20187 yr 5 hours ago, 66BUFF said: In a Mike Judge cartoon style This should 100% be a koth episode.
December 8, 20187 yr On 12/4/2018 at 12:09 PM, Beau Vine said: Every year I hope he hops off the trolley in front of his house and goes inside and gets drunk. Tis what I would have done.
December 10, 20187 yr On 12/7/2018 at 10:51 PM, Radical Larry said: Still as funny as the day he originally posted it. Yep. Love this story.
December 10, 20187 yr On 12/5/2018 at 9:34 PM, Beau Vine said: Some aspiring Baylor film major seriously needs to make a short film on this story. It would absolutely kill on youtube. I'm holding out for the MS Paint version.
December 10, 20187 yr This story is now my Grecian urn of fables. It has set the tone for Christmas 2018. Many thanks.
December 10, 20187 yr This story and viewing "It's A Wonderful Life"... two parts of my Merry Merry Christmas. One is now complete. 🎄
December 17, 20187 yr On 12/4/2018 at 9:08 AM, BlueGreySky said: Every year the last three paragraphs absolutely make me lose my shit. Same
December 6, 20196 yr Waco sure has changed a lot since this was first published in 2006 but we still don't have a Pappadeaux Seafood.
December 6, 20196 yr 42 minutes ago, El Diablo said: Waco sure has changed a lot since this was first published in 2006 but we still don't have a Pappadeaux Seafood. Trust me, y’all don’t want Pappadeaux
December 6, 20196 yr “This bitch better not turn right at this light!” This line absolutely kills me every year. In my mind it's being spoken by
December 6, 20196 yr 57 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said: Trust me, y’all don’t want Pappadeaux We've got the Silo District!
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