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Future home of all the CR troglodytes:

In Langley, British Columbia, there’s a village that may remind you of your own: you can go for a stroll, pick up a couple of items from the grocery store or even pop by the salon. But, this particular community was purposefully built to allow for freedom and quality of life. Because every resident in this village has something in common: they’re all living with dementia.

https://globalnews.ca/news/9663849/dementia-village-canada/#:~:text=By coincidence%2C at the same,was having an open house.

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But will they let me keep my gun collection?

Oh, Canada. nvrmnd

So that's what happened to NowThis.

On 5/13/2023 at 2:32 PM, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Folks in Houston used Covid PPP money for strip clubs

Well single Moms needed money, too.

Begun, the Cow Wars have.  Glad they're on our side, but I don't know why.

A herd of cows helped a North Carolina police department corral a suspect on the run.

The partnership began when a 34-year-old man fled during a traffic stop, according to a Facebook post from the Boone Police Department.

He led police on a chase and then abandoned his vehicle before setting out on foot into an undeveloped area, says the Facebook post. Because of how quickly he was driving, officers couldn't see exactly where he fled, the post says.

Officers "received some unexpected, but welcomed assistance from some local cows," according to the department.

The herd of cows was behooved to lead officers "directly to where the suspect was hiding," says the post.

"The cows communicated with the officers as best they could and finally just had the officers follow them to the suspect's location," joked the department in the post.

https://www.kcra.com/article/cows-help-police-capture-suspect/43879482

3 hours ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

Perhaps the kids thread?

 

Did he attend a surly tailgate to get the scent right?

3 hours ago, nnm said:

 

 

The story is even better!


 

 A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.

The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager.

I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk.

She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”

“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend.

I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”

Hot Pockets...serious business.

Kentucky man accused of shooting roommate for eating last Hot Pocket

Quote

A Kentucky man accused of shooting his roommate who ate the last Hot Pocket has been charged with felony assault.

The roommate, who has not been named, sustained non-life-threatening injuries in the weekend shooting, according to the Louisville Metro Police Department.

Clifton Williams, 64, was arrested early Sunday and charged with second-degree assault, police said. On Monday, he pleaded not guilty, according to NBC News affiliate WAVE of Louisville.

An attorney for Williams did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

According to a police citation, the two roommates had a physical fight over the frozen sandwich.

"Mr. Williams got mad he ate the last Hot Pocket," it states, and allegedly "began throwing tiles at him."

The victim "attempted to" fight back and threatened Williams, but he left, the document states.

Williams got a gun and followed the roommate outside, where he shot him in the buttocks, the police document said.

Williams is scheduled to be back in court May 30 for a preliminary hearing.

Under Kentucky law, a person convicted of second-degree assault conviction can be sentenced to five to 10 years in prison.

The state defines a second-degree assault convict as someone who "intentionally causes physical injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument" 

 

Meh, he only shot him in the buttocks, seems a reasonable trade for the last Hot Pocket.

Meh, he only shot him in the buttocks, seems a reasonable trade for the last Hot Pocket.

5e1fb3075072d6e2523930817479405c.jpg

Jar is an odd term for a 5 gallon bucket.

Grandma's an escort, charges $1,000 for an hour and $10,000 to $18,000 for an entire evening.

(Feel free to move to IPIHB if warranted.)

 

Edited by ScottS
ou sucks

Probably a few thousand years too late to be the first grandma who’s slinging poon lady.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2023/jun/07/origins-masturbation-traced-back-primates-40m-years-ago
 

Origins of masturbation traced back to primates 40m years ago

Behaviour predates humans by tens of millions of years but evolutionary purpose is less clear, scientists say


“From an evolutionary perspective, masturbation appears costly, distracting, wasteful, even risky.”

KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF, MR SCIENCE GUY!

“For people who think masturbation is wrong, or unnatural in some way, this is perfectly natural behaviour. It’s part of our healthy repertoire of sexual behaviours.”

Oh….wait…we’re cool, man….we’re cool.
10 hours ago, nnm said:

Man ‘fakes his death’ before ‘arriving at his own funeral’ in a helicopter to teach family a lesson

 

David Baerten, known on TikTok as Ragnar le Fou, says he felt ‘unappreciated’ by his relatives
 

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fake-death-funeral-tiktok-helicopter-family-b2357836.html

Pretty ahole thing to do. On-brand for one of you surlyites. 

He stole the idea from Mark Twain. Not even original. 

Think that was also the plot of a level in Hitman (video game)

Quote

A longtime Penn State professor was charged Tuesday after an investigation into trail camera footage showing a man performing sexual acts with a dog in Rothrock State Forest. Themis Matsoukas, 64, of State College, was caught on camera April 13 committing sexual acts with his dog near the restrooms at Rothrock State Forest, according to a criminal complaint filed by the state Department of Conservation and Natural Resources. Matsoukas was identified by park rangers by his North Face backpack, which was visible in the camera footage from the April 13 incident. The backpack was also present in images depicting Matsoukas nude from the waist down, except for socks and shoes, in images from trail cameras dating as far back as 2014, according to the complaint.

The professor of chemical engineering — who earned his Ph.D. from Michigan — has been with Penn State since 1991. During that time, he’s written several books, published dozens of journal articles and won at least three teaching awards, including the Premier Teaching Award from the Penn State Engineering Alumni Society in 2017. “Themis Matsoukas has been relieved of his responsibilities and is on leave,” read a statement from the university. Rangers served a search warrant to Matsoukas at his home in State College on June 9. According to the complaint, Matsoukas was “visibly nervous” and repeatedly told the rangers “I’m done, I’m dead, you don’t understand, I do it to blow off steam.”

During the execution of the search warrant, rangers found “all items listed” in the warrant, including the backpack and a ski mask that was visible in the April 13 camera footage. His attorney, Matthew McClenahen, said Wednesday “it would be inappropriate to make any comment at this time.” Matsoukas was charged with misdemeanor charges of open lewdness, indecent exposure and sexual intercourse with an animal, and summary charges of cruelty to animals and disorderly conduct. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for July 19 in Huntingdon County.

Read more at: https://www.centredaily.com/news/local/crime/article276408146.html#storylink=cpy

 

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