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Featured Replies

I'm tasked with bringing turkey and ham on Friday for a work pot luck.

I will smoke a couple of turkeys on Thursday and buy a couple of hams from HEB, if it's open.

The rub is that there's no way to heat anything up other than some shitty low wattage microwaves so crock pots are the way to go.

Here's the plan:

  1.  In one crockpot, I'll put the sliced turkey with some giblet gravy on low until lunch. I figure it'll stay moist enough and be edible enough.
  2. In the other crockpot, I'll put the sliced ham with some type of liquid to keep it moist. I was thinking maybe a couple of cans of crushed pineapple and brown sugar but I'm open to any suggestions that don't include alcohol or bodily fluids. 

Any tips or ideas for this shitty meal?

 

 

Edited by CooterBrown

Tell them you have to smoke the turkeys on Friday morning.  Tasty turkeys and smoking on company time, win/win.

Work from home, heat there, and show up at 11am to set up.

Nobody is going to say shit when you roll in with multiple turkeys and a ham.

Other than that bitch in HR - She's always monitoring your hours.

 

Too many co-workers don't wash hands after bathroom use, never doing work PLs again.  Plus, one chick had a cold sore as plain as day, no one touched her stuff. 

What about a bunch of magnifying glasses pointed at the meat from the window? That's what I'd do.

1 hour ago, CooterBrown said:

there's no way to heat anything up other than some shitty low wattage microwaves

Two words... chafing dish

 

Personally, I’d rather eat ham or turkey straight from the fridge than held in a crockpot like that. But I may be in the minority.

2 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Call in sick

Beat me to it. 

Bernard

I always enjoy the one person who brings a $1.69 gallon of iced tea for 100 people.

Edited by Deej

1 hour ago, RPM said:

Two words... chafing dish

 

Third word: cooler.

 

Hot turkey/ham in igloo, then into chafer at lunch time.

3 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Call in sick

If not you probably will be on Monday anyway.  Because of shit like this...

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

Too many co-workers don't wash hands after bathroom use, never doing work PLs again.  Plus, one chick had a cold sore as plain as day, no one touched her stuff. 

 

Always take the easy way out for PL. sign up for the rolls or some other easy shit and don’t waste the effort.

Op going to the shart thread after he contracts the norovirus.

While on this topic.

 

We have one on the 17th.  According to the email chain started by the boss:

 

Quote

 The menu will be soups, salads, and finger foods.  There has been a request by the committee that there be no desserts. 

Ideas?  

Thx.

No desserts? lol.

My group always wants to do one during our annual shutdown. “Bring your favorite dish and come have lunch with us!” I’m working 16-18 hour days hoping we get this bitch started backup on time and checkout done and you want me to cook? Fuck that.

Work potlucks are the worst. Nothing like bringing a smoked brisket into the office, and then Dipshit Larry from Accounting, a sudden bbq expert, tells you the meat isn't cooked all the way through because he spies the pink of a smoke ring. 

24 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

While on this topic.

 

We have one on the 17th.  According to the email chain started by the boss:

 

Ideas?  

Thx.

I'd bring about 5 desserts.

Quote

There has been a request by the committee that there be no desserts. 

screen-shot-2015-12-13-at-6-35-45-pm.png

 

Work Pot Lucks are forced stupid bullshit events created by Admins. Don’t participate. 

 

3 hours ago, RPM said:

Two words... chafing dish

 

What's a chafing dish?

C94O3_bUAAA40pt.jpg

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 The menu will be soups, salads, and finger foods.  There has been a request by the committee that there be no desserts. 

You have too many employees there with too little to do if they have time to create a pot luck committee.

Fire some people and get to work.

1 hour ago, EE2B said:

No desserts? lol.

My group always wants to do one during our annual shutdown. “Bring your favorite dish and come have lunch with us!” I’m working 16-18 hour days hoping we get this bitch started backup on time and checkout done and you want me to cook? Fuck that.

 

 

59 minutes ago, luke duke said:

I'd bring about 5 desserts.

 

 

43 minutes ago, WBT said:

screen-shot-2015-12-13-at-6-35-45-pm.png

 

 

7 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

You have too many employees there with too little to do if they have time to create a pot luck committee.

Fire some people and get to work.

 

 

4 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Why would you not want a dessert at a potluck?

 

There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.

The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.

What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.

Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?

3 hours ago, Sleepygrad said:

Always take the easy way out for PL. sign up for the rolls or some other easy shit and don’t waste the effort.

My go-to was always to sign up to bring the chips.  Or cokes.  Neither can be expected to be homemade yet both are necessary and both can be grabbed at the QT on the way in.  You know, because you forgot all about the stupid fucking thing despite every old frow in the office putting way too much into it all fucking week.

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.

The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.

What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.

Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?

I say YES, and it was my first thought.  Take chili, be happy.

 

 

If they have time for a potluck they have time to let everyone leave at 2 to spend time and break bread with people they actually want to. 

Or at least day drink before they have to go home. 

11 hours ago, TornACL said:

Work potlucks are the worst. Nothing like bringing a smoked brisket into the office, and then Dipshit Larry from Accounting, a sudden bbq expert, tells you the meat isn't cooked all the way through because he spies the pink of a smoke ring. 

I don't have any advice for OP, but Larry sounds like he sucks.

10 hours ago, RollLeft said:

Texas Hummus...

027cfd4e-60e6-44ca-94ce-ad1111d14a9f_4.5

Hum what? 

I don't participate in the potluck bullshit. I don't really like any of my coworkers. On potluck days I usually take a long ass lunch with the one guy that is pretty cool on my floor. Almost as annoying as potlucks are the dipshits that bring crock pot brisket and talk about it for hours and tell you how badass it is and how the sauce is his own recipe and so good.  

Smoking a 17lb rib roast today for a work lunch right now.

 
There's really no committee; it was a joke by the boss.
The request for no desserts was made by the vast majority of 40+ women in my office who have expanding asses.  However, I do believe after conferring with a couple of others there will be some dessert of some kind.
What I was interested in was the soup angle.  How, what, whatnot.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the notion of soup to a potluck.
Does chili constitute soup?  What about chicken and dumplings?
If you add beans to chili it then becomes soup.
  • Author

Unfortunately, I'm the boss so I have to bring the meat.

I nixed the ham and will bring hot links in its place. 

When I worked in larger companies/shops, and they called together this kinda bullshit.  I simply did this.  Don't put any fucking thought or prep or money into it.  this is not the time to show off your cooking/smoking/grilling prowess.  Get a simple item that fits the request list for $10-$20.  Drop it off in the break room or whatever.  Everybody is gonna be in there for an hour or two.  So nobody is going to miss you being away from your office/desk/cubicle.  Go to a bar and get 'faced.  Come back and collect your platter and tell everybody how delicious everything was.  

Instead of spending too much time on this or bitching about it.  Use your fucking head.  Everybody is gonna be busy.  Contribute minimally, but not offensively.  Go to a bar.  Come back and pretend it was a swell time.  Every year, people worry about this bullshit way too much.  It ain't that hard...

Smoking turkeys?

Our pot luck (I didn't participate) consisted of all the 20 somethings buying pre-made shit at their grocery store of choice.  I think like 2 people brought something that was homemade.

No thanks.

Chili with a little weed mixed into the frying oil. People will have a nice mellow afternoon without really knowing why.

Yes, I'm fucking serious.

No beans, of course.

Why would you eat shitty food prepared in the filthy homes of the people you despise who are too cheap to pick up their fair share of the tab on Margarita Thursdays?  

Drop off a premade platter from HEB, go to a bar, and reappear later and compliment everyone on how great their contribution was.  

Why is this a topic?  

Why are you repeating yourself? Have you been at the bar since your last post? 

17 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

You have too many employees there with too little to do if they have time to create a pot luck committee.

Fire some people and get to work.

The party planning committee is an essential part of the office dynamic.

200.gif

Frankly because the cat picture hit a little too close to home.  not a coworker, but the girlfriend of one invited us over for a holiday dinner.  And the cat hair all over every thing in her kitchen turned me off of eating in other people's homes for about a decade.  

17 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Why would you not want a dessert at a potluck?

For reals!  Who the hell specifically requests no desserts?  Probably a bunch overweight folks who feel that everyone else should be deprived of delicious holiday desserts solely for the fact that they can’t help themselves, would over eat, gain 5#. Selfish pigs. You should be ashamed of youselves you selfish, gluttonous piggies. I don’t want to come off as fat shaming so maybe some diabetics too (yeah right).  

19 hours ago, Sleepygrad said:

Always take the easy way out for PL. sign up for the rolls or some other easy shit and don’t waste the effort.

And grab lunch elsewhere.

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