Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

On 3/6/2019 at 10:46 AM, SHOOTER12 said:

Yep,  I got woke up at 830am (night shift),

Still trying to get the lipstick off of my hand.... :(

giphy.gif

  • Replies 462
  • Views 54.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Can we see a picture?

After her court date we'll get into that stuff.

23 hours ago, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

2wwnxx.gif

14 hours ago, Anastasis said:

giphy.gif

Damn Anastasis....how you get a pic of my bitch?

Got laid a few weeks ago.  It was great year. 

I'll check back in 2020 when I get laid again.

Got some Friday and Saturday but nothing since. I might go for it tonight, if the conditions are good. I have a feeling it'll be a no-go until the weekend. 

On 3/26/2019 at 12:26 PM, BurntEyes said:

Your bitch has a pointy chin. Wood not.

Thank the ghods for that...

On 3/25/2019 at 11:11 AM, Jhawk said:

Welp... in this episode of don’t stick your shank in crazy jhawk is in the Tulsa police department filing a protective order against the former Budweiser girl. 1000s of texts from her with no provocation from me didn’t do it. It was when she followed me to brunch, texting me from across the restaurant, and then asking about my female employees by name (which she has no reason to know) that got me here.  One night together and she’s losing her mind. Can’t wait for the fallout once she’s served. 

giphy.gif

  • 3 weeks later...

Wood bang over possessive girl friend meme girl. Then leave is. 

Side note: Have actually hidden the knives when some chicks were staying over 

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

7 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

6 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

They appear to be very much alike.  The last time I backdoored her was about 10 years ago, just before that line was crossed.

17 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Sounds to me like your penis causes vomiting. 

Well, that is a side effect of pregnancy.

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Sounds to me like your penis causes vomiting. 

How does the throat take the length?

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

You have this wrong. The odds of her getting laid are high. She’s gonna come home, drunk, tired and full of strangers love juice. She’ll be asleep before you can get a chance. Unless that’s your thing.

I have like a 9 personality 6 body 6 face coming over. Kind of below my general bang standards (we're usually looking over 21 total here on a bad day 23 plus on the money)  but I'm trying to quench a dry spell so fuck it. She's buying booze and I might need it since I have literally been up all night since the MASTAS decided to start at 8 in the fucking morning. 

wish me luck wev I'll report back - go Tiger. 

on the topic of dry spell - a couple of months now but with an 8/8/8. She was 20 years older and I have issues with other persons in general. 

Edited by ztejas

Made it 46 years but inadvertently earned my red wings last night.

Mrs. Brown was a bit embarrassed since she started a bit early. As consolidation she told me to fuck her mouth. I obliged.

On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

well? 

1 minute ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

well? 

She said she was too sore, which was curious.  She was walking funny the next day too.  Hmmm.

I'm on a heater. Last night after 3 hours of cajun dancing at Larry's French market, and again tonight after she and the girls saw Kool and the Gang at the Nugget.

I almost cockblocked myself last night though.

Me: 6 lbs of crawfish pls.
Her: you ain't touching my pussy tonight
Me: dont worry ima wash my hands first
Her: dont matter
Me: have another drink dear


The only time that wasn’t approached by a stripper while at a strip club was when my friends and I went to The Men’s Club after the Byron Nelson for some cheap crawfish. The all took one look at about 20 lbs of crawfish on the table and us chowing down like we hadn’t eaten for a month and they all turned around.

I've been eating a ton of crawfish lately.  Notice I haven't posted in the thread for about a month.

On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

So the kind of sex you both like.

Finally got the lady served. Court on 5/6/19. She showed up to court this morning with an attorney so I asked for a continuance to hire counsel. Her argument that she isn’t insane is centered around the alleged fact that she was at a restaurant before I was and so she didn’t stalk me and follow me there. The protective order was for harassment though so even if she was at the restaurant first she still didn’t have to send hundreds (thousands?) of Texts to me after I asked her to stop. Regardless of winning the PO against her, the court has asked me to submit all evidence i’m bringing (the Texts) which is exactly what I want. I need it on record that she consented to our sexual encounter because she now describes the encounter as me making her uncomfortable. Basically, she’s a time bomb waiting to accuse me of rape. 

Finally got the lady served. Court on 5/6/19. She showed up to court this morning with an attorney so I asked for a continuance to hire counsel. Her argument that she isn’t insane is centered around the alleged fact that she was at a restaurant before I was and so she didn’t stalk me and follow me there. The protective order was for harassment though so even if she was at the restaurant first she still didn’t have to send hundreds (thousands?) of Texts to me after I asked her to stop. Regardless of winning the PO against her, the court has asked me to submit all evidence i’m bringing (the Texts) which is exactly what I want. I need it on record that she consented to our sexual encounter because she now describes the encounter as me making her uncomfortable. Basically, she’s a time bomb waiting to accuse me of rape. 
Instead of a vasectomy, you should just get your pecker chopped off
On 4/12/2019 at 4:32 PM, Sbbruin said:

Sending my wife out with about 12 women for her birthday.  I set up a Lyft code so they could all drink unabashedly.  Covering dinner and drinks at the first stop.  Likelihood of me getting laid is high.  Likelihood of her remembering- or perhaps even being conscious- maybe not so high.

 

On 4/12/2019 at 4:41 PM, Pescado_Rojo said:

If she's anything like Mrs Rojo, the difference between "Dear Penthouse" and puking and passing out is about .75 gin & tonics. 

Yep, with that setup I was thinking more along the lines of her getting laid before she got home, and then after she got home, puking all over him and then passing out.  In any case best of luck..

Maybe that's just a cynical jealous old man talkin that who knows.

Walking through the complex parking lot and I see a chick with luggage banging on a door. Dude opens the door

Dude; I told you this wasn't happening.

Psycho chick: just for the weekend it will be fun.

Dude: last time you stayed for a week and I had the locks changed. I'm calling the police.

PC: can't wait to make dinner

Pushed her way in. 

This is my building so keeping an ear open for psycho drama screaming

 

Hopefully you don’t share a wall for when the bullets start to fly.

19 minutes ago, Hate said:

Hopefully you don’t share a wall for when the bullets start to fly.

Hopefully he doesn’t wind up MIA.

Hopefully he doesn’t wind up MIA.


That would be horrible.
5 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Walking through the complex parking lot and I see a chick with luggage banging on a door. Dude opens the door

Dude; I told you this wasn't happening.

Psycho chick: just for the weekend it will be fun.

Dude: last time you stayed for a week and I had the locks changed. I'm calling the police.

PC: can't wait to make dinner

Pushed her way in. 

This is my building so keeping an ear open for psycho drama screaming

 

Thats what you get opening the door on a Monday. 

Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.

Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.
It's Al Green. Your wife and her GF just may "experiment" together tonight.
1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Saturday I had spent the day offshore then cooked dinner for my mom and my wife's dad. I passed out at 830.

Wife stayed up with a bottle of wine and jumped me at about 1130.

Tonight she's going with a girlfriend to see Al Green in sugarland. Fair to middling odds.

Oh shit. Rev. Al is still a pantydropper

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.