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Featured Replies

The dreaded day is here.  My daughter is coming out of diapers so when her and I go somewhere, we have to use the men's restroom.  Because I don't want her sitting on your pubes, even after wiping them off, did anyone use the portable potties?  Did they work?  Any other suggestions are welcome.  No pics, sorry.

Now you do realize that every breath she takes she is inhaling the dead skin off my balls that has shed and circumnavigated the globe

On the main forum page, the preview of this thread simply says "daughter sitting on men's..." 

Lots of bad ways for this title to end and only a few are reasonably ok. 

Lady J from campmor catalog back in the day?

We did the plastic tot port-a-basin for my son on a few road trips and my wife kept it in the back of the SUV for a couple months when running errands. Worked fine except for one nasty cleanup after spray & splatter discharge. Shit happens.

Daughter is still in diapers, imagine I’ll be in charge of toting it around for errands when she’s ready for potty training.

Wipe the seat and wash her hands when she is finished. Don't overthink things.

I had the same problem with my daughter a few years ago. Men's rooms are generally disgusting and I did not feel comfortable taking her in there. Instead we would just use the ladies room. Much cleaner. No one really seemed to care because I think they figured I was just being a good dad. Until they saw the camcorder. 

  • Author
54 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Carry ass wipes you heathen.

No amount of sanitizer would wash away my discomfort doing this.  The ol sorry not sorry.  #hover

South Park taught me urine is sterile and you should actually wash your hands before you wipe her.You should carry around a bottle of hand sanitizer, a big bulky one ,probably some Clorox,too. .Maybe a sign to place on the stall door saying "Daughter on Toilet". Don't forget to put some of that poop smell stuff in the toilet and be sure she doesn't get a Poseiden's Kiss if she poops.  Next summer if you allow her to go swimming don't think about  the fact that the water going in your kids mouth has washed over, in, and through every bodily orifice in the pool.  Make sure to clear all this with your husband. Congratulations on your adoption.

Oh, and shitty thread title.

Edited by Nolacycling
people are pussies

Surely there is some type of bubble or protective suit you can put her in to keep her safe from the terrors of toilet seats. Something like the astronauts use?

Areyou ever really more than a hour from a buc-ees?

I just put a layer of 2 of tp on the seat for my daughter.  (Do the same for myself, anyways)  Sometimes I hold her so she doesn't have to hold on to the seat.   If you think you need more then that carry a can of clorox wipes, or a roll of saran wrap.  

26 minutes ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

I just put a layer of 2 of tp on the seat for my daughter.  (Do the same for myself, anyways)  Sometimes I hold her so she doesn't have to hold on to the seat.   If you think you need more then that carry a can of clorox wipes, or a roll of saran wrap.  

user name checks out

If it’s relatively clean I’ll lay down TP, lift them onto the TP/seat, and hold their hands the entire time. If it’s a truly disgusting toilet, I’ll cradle them in both arms above the toilet and just angle their streams. That second method takes some practice though. Might wanna work on it in the backyard so you’re ready at game time

Even if she cries a lot, you have to keep her in the kennel.  Its hard, but it's the only way she'll learn.

16 hours ago, Hornbeliever said:

The dreaded day is here.  My daughter is coming out of diapers so when her and I go somewhere, we have to use the men's restroom.  Because I don't want her sitting on your pubes, even after wiping them off, did anyone use the portable potties?  Did they work?  Any other suggestions are welcome.  No pics, sorry.

I have "successfully" parented 2 daughters who are now both considered adults; and you really have much greater things to worry about than bathroom etiquette and hygiene. Carry some wipes, and get in & out of the bathroom as quickly as you can.

Then spend your time worrying about the guys she dates, going to bars/bonfires/concerts, where she goes to college, drinking at college parties/bars, international travel abroad, ruffies, that phase when they want to dress goth/trashy/Barbie, piercings/gauges/tattoos, hair colors pink/green/blue/shaved, and so so so much more....

in other words - just find a way to enjoy these days and don't worry about the little things.

I refuse to poop in public unless it's an emergency. I feel horrible for my daughter and all women in general who have to sit down at a truck stop just to pee

Build up a tolerance for crisakes...

  • Author

 

3 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just consider it preparation for the time when guys will want to pee in her butt

haha.  that's what i want to avoid.  i hear y'all telling me to not worry about men's piss and have to wonder whether you caused your daughter to be ok with getting a load all over them, as they remember the simple times when their dad yelled at them at the chevron station "it's just a strange dude's piss Jenny, sit down!!" 

TLDR:  your daughter is now a skank and you made them that way. i want to do opposite of you.

9 minutes ago, Hornbeliever said:

 

haha.  that's what i want to avoid.  i hear y'all telling me to not worry about men's piss and have to wonder whether you caused your daughter to be ok with getting a load all over them, as they remember the simple times when their dad yelled at them at the chevron station "it's just a strange dude's piss Jenny, sit down!!" 

TLDR:  your daughter is now a skank and you made them that way. i want to do opposite of you.

Quite the contrary, you are raising a woman who won't allow her husband to put his penis in her mouth, always has a headache and thinks things are icky.  

If strange dudes are blowing loads all over a woman's face it isn't because she sat in piss when she was 4.  It's because her dad sucked.

Edited by Surly Bevo

12 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Just hold her over the urinal, with her feet against the wall.

I'm seeing an opportunity here for an entrepreneur, a gadget that you can carry into the restroom, something that will keep the kiddo suspended over the terlet - "The Trapees".

One time I had to take a shit while I was shopping at Kroger and the men's restroom was locked. Walked into the women's bathroom and the only available toilet seat had period blood all over it. I had to run across the street to Whataburger otherwise I was gonna shit my pants. The point being: men's restrooms are better than the alternative

Edited by HRSchenker

  • Author

i don't know if HEB is open today.  guess you have to drive and risk it.

1 hour ago, Llano Estacado said:

^
I may assume HEB restrooms were closed in observance of MLK day?

What are you trying to say here?

On 1/20/2019 at 4:27 PM, Nolacycling said:

South Park taught me urine is sterile and you should actually wash your hands before you wipe her.You should carry around a bottle of hand sanitizer, a big bulky one ,probably some Clorox,too. .Maybe a sign to place on the stall door saying "Daughter on Toilet". Don't forget to put some of that poop smell stuff in the toilet and be sure she doesn't get a Poseiden's Kiss if she poops.  Next summer if you allow her to go swimming don't think about  the fact that the water going in your kids mouth has washed over, in, and through every bodily orifice in the pool.  Make sure to clear all this with your husband. Congratulations on your adoption.

Oh, and shitty thread title.

IMA NEED TA SEE YA ASSSSHOLE

I refuse to poop in public unless it's an emergency. I feel horrible for my daughter and all women in general who have to sit down at a truck stop just to pee

Yeah I hate using public restrooms if I’ve gotta drop a deuce. There are some clean public stalls though.

I’ve got 3 young daughters, this is what I’ve learned. First thing, make damn sure they pee before you leave the house. This will fix 90% of your problems.  2) wife carries little kids toilet in her Yukon for long road trips, it works soso. Better for house when teaching them. 3) I drive a truck. My girls piss in the bed of the truck if we aren’t near anything suitable/clean. First time that happened we were stuck in east side of Houston (nothing not filthy) and they thought it was the coolest shit ever, and it’s a pickup truck bed so meh.  I have not taken them into a men’s room, my wife handles it if we are together, and I figure something else out if not.  

Yeah, if it was just me and my daughter, I’d probably get on of those little seats that goes on the toilet now.

You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the seat splatter from a woman who is afraid to let her bottom touch a toliet seat. Dribbles by the urinal or a drop here and there on a seat is nothing compared to a urine drenched seat due to a deathly fear of bottom germs.

9 hours ago, fattyflattie said:

I’ve got 3 young daughters, this is what I’ve learned. First thing, make damn sure they pee before you leave the house. This will fix 90% of your problems.  2) wife carries little kids toilet in her Yukon for long road trips, it works soso. Better for house when teaching them. 3) I drive a truck. My girls piss in the bed of the truck if we aren’t near anything suitable/clean. First time that happened we were stuck in east side of Houston (nothing not filthy) and they thought it was the coolest shit ever, and it’s a pickup truck bed so meh.  I have not taken them into a men’s room, my wife handles it if we are together, and I figure something else out if not.  

Someday, your girls will be in a punk band called "Truck Full of Piss." 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

I taught my kids not to be afraid of public restrooms and not to be germaphobes. My job is to make life easier not to manufacture bullshit fears and neuroses.

Do you wash your hands after using the restroom and then use a bare hand to open the door?

On 1/20/2019 at 9:25 PM, SquishMitten said:

If it’s relatively clean I’ll lay down TP, lift them onto the TP/seat, and hold their hands the entire time. If it’s a truly disgusting toilet, I’ll cradle them in both arms above the toilet and just angle their streams. That second method takes some practice though. Might wanna work on it in the backyard so you’re ready at game time

First child, huh?

On 1/21/2019 at 1:00 PM, HRSchenker said:

One time I had to take a shit while I was shopping at Kroger and the men's restroom was locked. Walked into the women's bathroom and the only available toilet seat had period blood all over it. I had to run across the street to Whataburger otherwise I was gonna shit my pants. The point being: men's restrooms are better than the alternative

The custodian on my floor once went on about a 5-minute rant about the difference between cleaning the men's room and the women's room.  By the time he was done, I had tears streaming down my face and my stomach muscles were cramping up from laughing so hard.  

Do you wash your hands after using the restroom and then use a bare hand to open the door?

You got bear hands?

Wait until you visit your daughter's elementary school. The stench coming out of the restrooms will gag you. Or are you a homeschooler? You seem like a homeschooler.

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