Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

https://www.foxnews.com/world/north-koreans-ordered-to-produce-impossible-amount-of-human-manure-every-day-to-help-save-agriculture-report.amp

 

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has commanded every citizen to turn over an impossible 200 pounds of human manure a day for fertilizer in an effort to revitalize the communist country’s struggling agriculture, according to reports.

 

The country’s leader first made agriculture the forefront of the economic recovery during the New Year’s address.

 

This led to the mass mobilization of the population to fulfill the government’s wishes and ensure the human manure quotas are met. If the people don’t meet their daily quota, they have to supply over 600 pounds of compost or livestock manure, according to Radio Free Asia.

 

“The entire population has been mobilized to produce manure as the first major task of the year,” a source told the outlet. “The authorities in each local region task factories, institutions and citizens groups with assigning production quotas to each individual.

 

Off to the Vic Mackey food thread!

21 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Yeah, but why do you insist on doing it here on Surly? 

giphy.gif

Don't you have to feed them something if you expect them to poop?

Where's Randy Marsh when you need him?

tenor.gif

Given the human diet, does our poop make make good fertilizer?  Maybe @Parliament can answer. 

On 1/30/2019 at 10:12 PM, Parliament said:

 

https://www.foxnews.com/world/north-koreans-ordered-to-produce-impossible-amount-of-human-manure-every-day-to-help-save-agriculture-report.amp

 

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has commanded every citizen to turn over an impossible 200 pounds of human manure a day for fertilizer in an effort to revitalize the communist country’s struggling agriculture, according to reports.

 

The country’s leader first made agriculture the forefront of the economic recovery during the New Year’s address.

 

This led to the mass mobilization of the population to fulfill the government’s wishes and ensure the human manure quotas are met. If the people don’t meet their daily quota, they have to supply over 600 pounds of compost or livestock manure, according to Radio Free Asia.

 

“The entire population has been mobilized to produce manure as the first major task of the year,” a source told the outlet. “The authorities in each local region task factories, institutions and citizens groups with assigning production quotas to each individual.

 

Off to the Vic Mackey food thread!

 

Maybe for you.

how much length that ass takes

  • Author
1 hour ago, SDG said:

Given the human diet, does our poop make make good fertilizer?  Maybe @Parliament can answer. 

Yes.  Urine too.  Mix it with charcoal and plant your vegetables in it.

4 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

Mark Watney was able to grow potatoes on Mars with human waste, so obviously it works.

He also survived the vacuum of space after piercing his suit intentionally 

6 hours ago, SDG said:

Given the human diet, does our poop make make good fertilizer?  Maybe @Parliament can answer. 

if you sanitize it correctly when it decomposes, yes.  but most of the time it's not done right, and i guarantee you north korea's not doing it right.  that's why one of the recent defectors (the soldier who got shot going across the dmz) had so many worms in his digestive tract. 

So the plan is for every North Korean to turn 5 grains of rice into 200 lbs of shit a day?

this seems like it might possibly go against the law of conservation of matter. 

I thought only KJU was magical. 

3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So the plan is for every North Korean to turn 5 grains of rice into 200 lbs of shit a day?

this seems like it might possibly go against the law of conservation of matter. 

I thought only KJU was magical. 

So do you not loaves and fishes brah ??

14 hours ago, SDG said:

Given the human diet, does our poop make make good fertilizer?  Maybe @Parliament can answer. 

A not so csb. Back in the late 80's I owned an end dump bulk truck (rock truck). I usually hauled scrap, hazmat or fertilizer. One day I get a load of humus. This is easily confused with hummus. Big difference although one can become the other, but I digress. I get to the loading address and it's a City of Houston wastewater treatment plant. Not a good sign. Unfortunately it's the right address. 

Humus, I learn, is dried human shit.

They load me and everyone is in environmental suits. I did the same to tarp the load (really regret being too cheap to buy an auto tarp) and took a long, hot, soapy shower as soon as I could. I avoid all contact with the load and it rains like hell most of the way. 

I get to Plant City, Florida and find the fertilizer place I deliver to. They direct me over to the shed they want me to unload at and there's no way. My end dump trailer unloads by lifting the front end and the load slides out. If I tried I'd rip the roof out. The only solution is for me to dump right outside the door and they push it in. I suit up, untarp and dump.

Along comes this black guy in a Bobcat and at full speed plows into the 48,000 lb pile. POOF! Instant shit cloud. It's 90something with 100% humidity and the only protection he's wearing is sunglasses, tank top and jeans. Took him about 10 minutes to move it into the bunker.

Right then it hit me. Be thankful for what you have. No matter what's happened to you in life, things could always be worse.

Edited by RPM

200 pounds of shit per person per day?  There can't be more than 1000 people in the whole starving country who even weigh 200 pounds, let alone shit that much.  Hell, even as full of shit as aggys are, they can't produce more than a few pounds per day, even if you give them a laxative and squeeze them.

Edited by Scheiss Meister

200 pounds of shit per person per day?  There can't be more than 1000 people in the whole starving country who even weigh 200 pounds, let alone shit that much.  Hell, even as full of shit as aggys are, they can't produce more than a few pounds per day, even if you give them a laxative and squeeze them.
You would know

I just weighed myself before and after a pretty good dump, and I lost 1.2 pounds.  I'd have to eat a LOT more if I wanted to shit out 200#.

I get that NK is a weird place but this story seems like poor writing.  I don’t believe people were told to deliver 200# per person per day.  

4 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I get that NK is a weird place but this story seems like poor writing.  I don’t believe people were told to deliver 200# per person per day.  

Enemy of the state spreading misinformation and rumors. Off to the gulag with you.

10 hours ago, RPM said:

Humus, I learn, is dried human shit.

It's the organic portion of topsoil, usually consisting of decomposed plant matter. Can't have fertile ground without humus.

The fertilizer industry referring to dried human fecal material as humus is not unlike the ag industry referring to cowshit as "nutrient" instead of manure--it's just a shell game with semantics.

7 hours ago, miguelito said:

I just weighed myself before and after a pretty good dump, and I lost 1.2 pounds.  I'd have to eat a LOT more if I wanted to shit out 200#.

No, you just need to shit 166 times a day.  

21 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

200 pounds of shit per person per day?  There can't be more than 1000 people in the whole starving country who even weigh 200 pounds, let alone shit that much.  Hell, even as full of shit as aggys are, they can't produce more than a few pounds per day, even if you give them a laxative and squeeze them.

So can we sell them our shit then? Talk about profit maker!

So can we sell them our shit then? Talk about profit maker!

ab4b492c2384beb1805d99b3afcea935.jpg
And just like that...Brisket became a zillionaire.

This is one of those times where I wonder what the collective weight of all the craps I've taken in life would be.

2 hours ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

This is one of those times where I wonder what the collective weight of all the craps I've taken in life would be.

Average male produces 1oz of shit per 12 pounds of body weight per day...so depending on what you weighed and factoring in change from kid to wherever you are now you can get a pretty good gauge.  

On the topic of the OP it means your average likely malnourished Nork Man who let's say weights a buck 30 can likely only meet his daily goal about once a year with maybe 40-50 pounds in change to throw on top.  

On 2/2/2019 at 3:15 AM, Pato del Muerto said:

So the plan is for every North Korean to turn 5 grains of rice into 200 lbs of shit a day?

this seems like it might possibly go against the law of conservation of matter. 

I thought only KJU was magical. 

He is magical, but he doesn't shit at all. He is a closed system. Regular North Koreans have to make up the difference. 

3 hours ago, Surly Bevo said:

Average male produces 1oz of shit per 12 pounds of body weight per day...so depending on what you weighed and factoring in change from kid to wherever you are now you can get a pretty good gauge.  

On the topic of the OP it means your average likely malnourished Nork Man who let's say weights a buck 30 can likely only meet his daily goal about once a year with maybe 40-50 pounds in change to throw on top.  

Meh, your math is shit.

4 hours ago, Surly Bevo said:

Average male produces 1oz of shit per 12 pounds of body weight per day...so depending on what you weighed and factoring in change from kid to wherever you are now you can get a pretty good gauge.  

As a somewhat recently new father, either your numbers are way off or my son is way above average.

13 hours ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

This is one of those times where I wonder what the collective weight of all the craps I've taken in life would be.

 

1 hour ago, texasjacket said:

How many courics do they need per person again?

80

One Katie Couric is two and a half pounds of excrement.

43 minutes ago, formermav43 said:

80

One Katie Couric is two and a half pounds of excrement.

in a 1 lb. bag.

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 4:59 AM, RPM said:

A not so csb. Back in the late 80's I owned an end dump bulk truck (rock truck). I usually hauled scrap, hazmat or fertilizer. One day I get a load of humus. This is easily confused with hummus. Big difference although one can become the other, but I digress. I get to the loading address and it's a City of Houston wastewater treatment plant. Not a good sign. Unfortunately it's the right address. 

Humus, I learn, is dried human shit.

They load me and everyone is in environmental suits. I did the same to tarp the load (really regret being too cheap to buy an auto tarp) and took a long, hot, soapy shower as soon as I could. I avoid all contact with the load and it rains like hell most of the way. 

I get to Plant City, Florida and find the fertilizer place I deliver to. They direct me over to the shed they want me to unload at and there's no way. My end dump trailer unloads by lifting the front end and the load slides out. If I tried I'd rip the roof out. The only solution is for me to dump right outside the door and they push it in. I suit up, untarp and dump. 

Along comes this black guy in a Bobcat and at full speed plows into the 48,000 lb pile. POOF! Instant shit cloud. It's 90something with 100% humidity and the only protection he's wearing is sunglasses, tank top and jeans. Took him about 10 minutes to move it into the bunker.

Right then it hit me. Be thankful for what you have. No matter what's happened to you in life, things could always be worse.

Shitty job.

smokey-and-the-bandit-3.png

Just send them some cans of Trader Joe’s Turkey Chili.  Evacuating that is not routine, it’s an event.  Much like the Tunguska blast of 1908.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.