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  • Armybrat
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    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black

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    What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

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3 hours ago, honolulu horn said:

Q: How do you spell "ninjas?"

A: "s." The ninja is silent.

Wouldn't that be "pronounce", not "spell"?

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: You're pointless

(Works better said outloud, not read)

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

A: With an ithberg.

 

Q: Have you ever watched the movie "Constipated"?
A: It hasn't come out yet.

14 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

Wouldn't that be "pronounce", not "spell"?

That's what makes it so lame

 

What's the difference between a Mexican and a stoner?

A stoner always has papers

Q: What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

A: Pokemon (better in a Jamaican accent)

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

 

 

 

She gagged.

 

 

 

Apparently spoiler tags aren't working in Tapa.

 

 

Q:  How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A:  A buccaneer!

Q: What do you get when you breed a ground hog and a Texas a&m football player?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

 

BvMdtHpIQAEMrkQ.jpg

Why didn’t the seagull fly over the bay?

 

it didn’t want to be a bagel.

Oh god. Subbed.

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed.

What’s the difference between Kyle field and a porcupine?

 

a porcupine has 100,000 pricks on the outside.

Q:  What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A:  Where's my tractor?

 

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
 

He sold his soul to Santa.

Edited by Walden Ponderer

I was playing chess with a friend of mine when out of the blue he says "Let's make this interesting."

 

So we stopped playing chess.

A mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind around here."

The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi" (fun guy - get it?)  OK, I better quit before I get carried away.

A skeleton walks into a bar.

 

he says “Give me a beer and a mop”

Edited by AM Wood

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!".

Confused, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?"

 

What happened when the elephant stepped on the grape?

 

It let out a little w(h)ine

A sandwich walks into a bar. Bartender says to him as he approaches the bar, “we don’t serve food here!”

Quote

 

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"

"Yes, sir. It's fresh ground."

 

Quote

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

Quote

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

On 3/29/2018 at 11:44 AM, Kel Varnsen said:

Q: Have you ever watched the movie "Constipated"?
A: It hasn't come out yet.

You hear about the constipated mathematician? 

 

He worked it it out with a pencil.

46 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You hear about the constipated mathematician? 

 

He worked it it out with a pencil.

tmimn.gif

You hear about the constipated mathematician? 
 
He worked it it out with a pencil.


2d1b3680a5f0948d9b11723df6eee30b.jpg

A giraffe walks into a bar a yells "hey everyone, highballs on me"

Edited by BurntOrangeCrush

Q.What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

A.Look! There comes a herd of elephants coming over the hill!

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sun glasses coming over the hill?

A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Edited by burntorangebongos
best joke in 3rd grade

Q:  What did the apple say to the orange?

A:  Nothing, silly...apples can't talk!

^
That reminds me of one of my favorites.

Bunch of muffins are in the oven. Muffin 1 turns to the group and says “is it me or is it really warm in here?” Muffin 2 says, “HOLY SHIT! A talking muffin!”

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Wow! It's really hot in here!" The second muffin says, "AAAHHH! A talking muffin!"

How is a man like a hardwood floor?

 

Lay him right the first time and you can walk all over him for a lifetime

What do you get if you are squeezing two small green balls?

 

Kermit the Frog's full attention. 

Jinx! Buy me a beer
Now that was funny. Didn't even notice at the time.

What do you call a rabbit with herpes?

 

 

Peter Rotten Tail

16 minutes ago, Homesickhorn said:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

 

To show the armadillo it could be done. 

I always heard it was to retrieve the empty Lone Star can from the armadillo.  

3 hours ago, Homesickhorn said:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

 

To show the armadillo it could be done. 

iLfM3Qq.gif

Then there was the farmer who got all worried out in the field because he only counted 196 cows, but then he relaxed because when he rounded them up there were 200.

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