May 5, 20232 yr Popular Post A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the living daylights out of all of you!'”St Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”“Couple of minutes ago.”
May 15, 20232 yr On 5/13/2023 at 7:20 PM, WhatTheBuck said: What’s worse than finding a worm in an apple? Hide contents The Holocaust. Too soon.
May 26, 20232 yr gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"
May 26, 20232 yr 12 hours ago, Bullneck said: gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" That's not lame. That's just stupid.
May 31, 20232 yr Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands ..... I'll show myself out... Edited May 31, 20232 yr by Longboard Horn
June 1, 20232 yr Did you know that in Hawaii it's actually illegal to laugh loudly? You have to keep it to a low ha.
June 1, 20232 yr 8 hours ago, Modessit said: From my 9yo: What has four letters and sometimes has nine. That’s is lame. It doesn’t even include a punch line.
June 5, 20232 yr An old man went to the pharmacist and said, "Look, I'm having a little trouble performing with my wife. Do they make any pills that can help with that?" The pharmacist replied, "Sure, that's more common than you may think. In fact I take Viagra myself for the same sort of thing." The old man asked. "Can you get it over the counter?" The pharmacist thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, probably if I took 2 or 3 of them at once."
June 13, 20232 yr You’re riding a horse at full speed. You’re also being chased by a lion and there’s a giraffe in the way in front of you. How do you escape? Get off the merry-go-round.
June 13, 20232 yr gf is prego we like to get kinky anyways one night things get particularly saucy i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering ohshitohshitohshitohshit i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital she's still bleeding everywhere by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything he takes one look at ther and says "sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" "WHY THE FUCK NOT???" "we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"That’s fucking weird but I kinda like it. The first line is key.
June 15, 20232 yr A guy talks to the Doc in the hospital where his wife is in a coma. "Doc ! Doc, what am I going to do?" "Well, said the Doc, there is a radical treatment that I have heard good things about" "What is it Doc I'm desperate?" "Well you need to go in there and have oral sex with your wife until she wakes up" "Really Doc?" "Yes, I have heard good things!" So, the guy says, "Ok Doc if you say so i'll give it a try" and in he goes. Ten minutes he comes out in a panic and says "Doc ! Doc, I think she is choking"
July 4, 20232 yr Why are there so many female history teachers? because bitches love to bring up the past
July 5, 20232 yr dude 1: just made $300.25 giving blowjobs in the men's room dude 2: who gave you 25 cents? dude 1: all of them
July 5, 20232 yr SIAP What's the difference between a Chickpea and Garbanzo Bean? Spoiler I've never had Garbanzo Bean on my face.
July 6, 20232 yr Another from my 9-yr-old:Q: What happened after the astronaut farted on the moon?A: He Apollo-gized.
July 21, 20232 yr Was just shooting the shit with this old guy who works at the admirals club at DFW.He says “you fix 100 cars they call you a mechanic. You build 100 houses they call you a home builder.” Then he waited a beat and said “but you suck just one cock. . .”
July 24, 20232 yr Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate… They think it must be Pharaoh Rocher!
September 7, 20232 yr On 7/23/2023 at 8:39 PM, Lone Star Horn said: Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate… They think it must be Pharaoh Rocher! That’s lame alright.
October 9, 20232 yr An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
November 19, 20232 yr 8 hours ago, BearSchlong said: My wife can't stop laughing at that. Mine too! (I think. I'll tell you for sure on Monday)
November 20, 20232 yr On 11/19/2023 at 1:52 AM, NWBuck said: Mine too! (I think. I'll tell you for sure on Monday) Update: Nope.
November 29, 20232 yr A cop pulled over a car with two catholic priests inside. The cop tells the driver “I’m looking for two pedophiles.” The driver turns to the other priest and they whisper back and forth. He turns back to the cop and says “Ok. We’ll do it.”
December 25, 20231 yr I heard this from Albert Brooks: Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon and then say "I guess you had to be there."
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