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  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black

  • Disco Strangler
    Disco Strangler

    Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secre

  • ernest_t_bass
    ernest_t_bass

    What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

Posted Images

Sometimes my grandma doesn't recognize me, but she remembers this joke:

 

"Excuse me, can you tell me the correct pronunciation: is it Hawaii, or Havaii?"

"Havaii."

"OK, thanks."

"You're velcome."

A Spanish magician told an audience that he would disappear on the count of three.

"Uno, dos, ..." *poof*


He disappeared without a tres.

 

What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine? 

Spoiler

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a 53rd floor window. 

 

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks “If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?”

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says “It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer.” The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.

Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man “You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell me where you got this.” The man says “In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them.” Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.

A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man “I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the hundreds of thousands.” The man chuckles and says “Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

Did you hear about the prince that was only 12 inches tall?

He ended up being a terrible king, but he made for an excellent ruler.

Did you know that pigeons die after having sex?

Spoiler

Well the one I fucked did.

 

Edited by Helobious

  • Popular Post

The owner of Ikea became the Prime Minister of Sweden last week.

He's still trying to assemble his cabinet.

1 hour ago, Scheiss Meister said:

The owner of Ikea became the Prime Minister of Sweden last week.

He's still trying to assemble his cabinet.

GIF rimshot rim shot - animated GIF on GIFER

19 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

Bigfoot is often mistaken for a Sasquatch.

 

 

Yeti never complains. 

 

8FE27AD0-9038-444A-BC9B-E860DBCED9C1.gif

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket snatches watches...

Tribute bands for Conspiracy Theorists

 

Flat Earth, Wind & Fire

IllumiNaughtyByNature

Fluoride and the Machine

False Black Flag

My Chemical-trails Romance

The Mamas and the Papas Who Don’t Vaccinate Their Kids

Guided By Voices On Fox News

Pizzagato Five

CruëAnon

Run D.N.C. Server

Steely Dossier

Jefferson Airplane Fuel Cannot Melt Steel Beams

The Jonas Birthers

A Tribe Called Question Obama’s Birthplace

Ladysmith Black Helicopters

The Dead Kennedys Assassination Was Done By the CIA

Gang of 4Chan

Unmarked Van Morrison

Simple Minds Control

Deep Purple State

And You Will Know The Clintons By the Trail of Dead

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Epstein Was Definitely Murdered

Soft Cell Security

BenFugazi

Opus Dei and the Knights

Jimmy Hoffa Eats World

Huey Lewis And The Fake News

Men At Work Controlling The Media

They Might Be Giant 400 Lb Guys Sitting On A Bed, Okay?

Bush Did 9/11

So, I invented a new word today:  plagiarism.

 

 

Just kidding; I actually stole that joke.

Did y’all hear about the can crusher that hated his job?

 

 

 

It was soda pressing. 

On 4/20/2021 at 3:41 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

So, I invented a new word today:  plagiarism.

Just kidding; I actually stole that joke.

Melania?

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Melania?

Joe?

 Be better. 
Take the loss pussy
12 minutes ago, Paco said:
3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:
 Be better. 

Take the loss pussy

That doesn’t even make sense.

But then I really don’t care. Do U?

Edited by WhatTheBuck

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, “Oi mate, you cant leave that lyin’ there!”

The man says, “It’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”

  • Popular Post

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Took me a minute, but I chuckled. 

On 12/12/2020 at 7:00 PM, BearSchlong said:

@ernest_t_bass thanks.

When I was a kid at Camp Olympia my cabin mate brought totally tasteless jokes versions 1-5.

I never understood the polack jokes, though. Must be a regional/generational thing.

Are we to assume that you're Polish then? 

  • Author
13 minutes ago, maninblack said:

8A93742B-F010-43E5-ADA0-F86BAFE4E60A.jpeg

Is the lame part the joke or the fact that you retold the same joke posted earlier on this very page? 

2 minutes ago, honolulu horn said:

Is the lame part the joke or the fact that you retold the same joke posted earlier on this very page? 

Whynotboth.gif

This thread goes through dry spells, but this page has delivered.  My kid still gets a lame dad joke in his lunch every day.  Several from this page will make the cut.

I'll keep them in my dad-a-base.

Are we to assume that you're Polish then? 
Ha ha Jokes on you
I'm part Polish and I get made fun of a lot

Also don't bet on the duck at a cock fight
3 hours ago, Born to Run said:

Ha ha Jokes on you
I'm part Polish and I get made fun of a lot

Also don't bet on the duck at a cock fight

Didn't know Doom was Italian. 

  • 2 weeks later...

The difference between booze and weed?

5 drunk guys will start a fire.

5 stoned guys will start a band.

On 4/24/2021 at 9:45 AM, Armybrat said:

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

I don’t get it.

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