March 25, 20214 yr Sometimes my grandma doesn't recognize me, but she remembers this joke: "Excuse me, can you tell me the correct pronunciation: is it Hawaii, or Havaii?" "Havaii." "OK, thanks." "You're velcome."
March 26, 20214 yr A Spanish magician told an audience that he would disappear on the count of three."Uno, dos, ..." *poof* He disappeared without a tres.
March 27, 20214 yr What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine? Spoiler Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a 53rd floor window.
March 29, 20214 yr A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks “If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?”The bartender thinks for a minute and then says “It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer.” The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man “You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell me where you got this.” The man says “In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them.” Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man “I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the hundreds of thousands.” The man chuckles and says “Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”
March 30, 20214 yr Did you hear about the prince that was only 12 inches tall?He ended up being a terrible king, but he made for an excellent ruler.
March 30, 20214 yr Did you know that pigeons die after having sex? Spoiler Well the one I fucked did. Edited March 30, 20214 yr by Helobious
April 12, 20214 yr Popular Post The owner of Ikea became the Prime Minister of Sweden last week. He's still trying to assemble his cabinet.
April 12, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Scheiss Meister said: The owner of Ikea became the Prime Minister of Sweden last week. He's still trying to assemble his cabinet.
April 12, 20214 yr 19 hours ago, Richard Kimball said: Bigfoot is often mistaken for a Sasquatch. Yeti never complains.
April 17, 20214 yr Contrary to popular belief, the aurora borealis is not very heavy. It’s pretty light
April 17, 20214 yr What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket snatches watches...
April 18, 20214 yr What’s the difference between a lesbian and a saltine cracker?One is a snack cracker...
April 20, 20214 yr Tribute bands for Conspiracy Theorists Flat Earth, Wind & Fire IllumiNaughtyByNature Fluoride and the Machine False Black Flag My Chemical-trails Romance The Mamas and the Papas Who Don’t Vaccinate Their Kids Guided By Voices On Fox News Pizzagato Five CruëAnon Run D.N.C. Server Steely Dossier Jefferson Airplane Fuel Cannot Melt Steel Beams The Jonas Birthers A Tribe Called Question Obama’s Birthplace Ladysmith Black Helicopters The Dead Kennedys Assassination Was Done By the CIA Gang of 4Chan Unmarked Van Morrison Simple Minds Control Deep Purple State And You Will Know The Clintons By the Trail of Dead Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Epstein Was Definitely Murdered Soft Cell Security BenFugazi Opus Dei and the Knights Jimmy Hoffa Eats World Huey Lewis And The Fake News Men At Work Controlling The Media They Might Be Giant 400 Lb Guys Sitting On A Bed, Okay? Bush Did 9/11
April 20, 20214 yr So, I invented a new word today: plagiarism. Just kidding; I actually stole that joke.
April 22, 20214 yr On 4/20/2021 at 3:41 PM, Walden Ponderer said: So, I invented a new word today: plagiarism. Just kidding; I actually stole that joke. Melania?
April 23, 20214 yr 12 minutes ago, Paco said: 3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said: Be better. Take the loss pussy That doesn’t even make sense. But then I really don’t care. Do U? Edited April 23, 20214 yr by WhatTheBuck
April 23, 20214 yr A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, “Oi mate, you cant leave that lyin’ there!” The man says, “It’s not a lion it’s a giraffe”
April 24, 20214 yr Popular Post A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"
April 24, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, Armybrat said: A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?" Took me a minute, but I chuckled.
April 28, 20214 yr On 12/12/2020 at 7:00 PM, BearSchlong said: @ernest_t_bass thanks. When I was a kid at Camp Olympia my cabin mate brought totally tasteless jokes versions 1-5. I never understood the polack jokes, though. Must be a regional/generational thing. Are we to assume that you're Polish then?
May 4, 20214 yr Author 13 minutes ago, maninblack said: Is the lame part the joke or the fact that you retold the same joke posted earlier on this very page?
May 4, 20214 yr 2 minutes ago, honolulu horn said: Is the lame part the joke or the fact that you retold the same joke posted earlier on this very page? Whynotboth.gif
May 4, 20214 yr This thread goes through dry spells, but this page has delivered. My kid still gets a lame dad joke in his lunch every day. Several from this page will make the cut. I'll keep them in my dad-a-base.
May 4, 20214 yr Are we to assume that you're Polish then? Ha ha Jokes on you I'm part Polish and I get made fun of a lotAlso don't bet on the duck at a cock fight
May 4, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, Born to Run said: Ha ha Jokes on you I'm part Polish and I get made fun of a lot Also don't bet on the duck at a cock fight Didn't know Doom was Italian.
May 14, 20214 yr The difference between booze and weed? 5 drunk guys will start a fire. 5 stoned guys will start a band.
May 16, 20214 yr On 4/24/2021 at 9:45 AM, Armybrat said: A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?" I don’t get it.
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