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  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.“Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered. “On a trip to the Black

  • Disco Strangler
    Disco Strangler

    Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he was a Chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secre

  • ernest_t_bass
    ernest_t_bass

    What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

14 hours ago, Tex Long said:

Field would be greatly improved if they would start throwing things at targets instead of just seeing how far they can throw things.

My high school team was terrible at javelin until they learned that the other team throwing first didn't mean we had to receive. 

  • 2 weeks later...

What do you call a woman whose husband dies?  A widow

What do you call a man whose wife dies? Free!

What do you call two apparent contradictions that may, nevertheless, be true?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paradoxes.

  • Popular Post

 

 

 

  • 2 weeks later...

Why to people hate us lazy people? It's not like we did anything.

A Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German were watching a street performance. They were straining their necks at the back of the crowd trying to get a glimpse. The performer noticed so she stepped onto a platform and asked if they could see now. Their response was.

Oui

Si

Ja

  • 2 weeks later...

did you ever hear of the Roman Emperor that died before the age of 20?

His name was Constant Teen.

I spotted an albino dalmatian the other day. It was the least I could do.

  • 2 weeks later...

Little Johnny again


Little Johnny asked his dad for a new bike one day. Johnny’s Dad replied I’d like to get you a new bike but we got a 280,000 dollar mortgage on the house and your mom just lost her job and we can’t afford it. Well Little Johnny went to bed sad that night.
He got up to go to the bathroom that night and walking past his parents bedroom he heard his Dad tell his Mom “ I’m pulling out and then he heard his Mom say “no wait I’m coming too.”
The next morning Little Johnny’s Dad caught him going down the sidewalk pulling his wagon full of clothes. His Dad said where do you think you’re going young man to which Little Johnny replied I’m outta here I heard you and Mom talking about pulling out and her saying to hold on because she was coming too. So I figured I’ll leave before you stick me with a 280000 dollar mortgage and no bike !

  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says:
"What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."

A sandwich walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a coke."

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 

45 minutes ago, hookemATL said:

How do you take a sweater off a sheep?

You pull the wool over its eyes. 


Sounds a bit aggy. 

  • 2 weeks later...

Guy's sitting in his cave, minding his own business. Hears noise in the bedroom. Goes to see what's up. Wife's got big suitcase on the bed, tossing clothes in it.

He: What're you doing, babe?

She: Packing up.

He: Where you going?

She: New York.

He: WTF! Why?

She: Facebook says prostitutes get paid $250. All they do is what I do for you, for free! 

He grabs his suitcase, starts throwing stuff in it.

She: Where are you going?

He: I'm going with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $500 a year.

 

17 hours ago, WithoutAClue said:

rudythered.jpg

This makes me sad

10 hours ago, freyguy said:

This makes me sad

Yeah, it's supposed to be Erik Somethingov, a high-ranking Commie knowing rain.

Just a few days ago, I was amazed to find myself on a flight with Bill Belichick and Jordon Hudson across the aisle. I congratulated him on his new gig at North Carolina, and we chatted about the playoffs. She excused herself to go to the restroom. I took advantage of her absence to congratulate him on his girlfriend. I said no one could believe a man his age could land such a beauty.

He laughed and said "I lied to her about my age."

I said "Wow, did you tell her you're 45?"

He laughed harder. "Naaahhh. Told her I'm 92."

 

  • 3 weeks later...

A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?” The woman says, “No, go right ahead.”

The man stands, clears his throat and says, “Plethora” and then sits back down.

The woman says, “Thanks…that means a lot.”

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