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    What's the difference between 2 dicks and a joke? Bob Stoops can't take a joke.

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The refrigerator doesn’t bitch when you load the dishwasher wrong?

The fridge in my house doesn't have a lot of other people's meat in it. 

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Not sorry if already posted. Not digging back.

Went to the doctor. He told me, "You have to quit masturbating."

"Why do I have to quit masturbating?"

"I'm not going to examine you until you quit masturbating."

How come you never hear any jokes about Jonestown?

 

 

 

The punch lines were too long.

2 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

Not sorry if already posted. Not digging back.

Went to the doctor. He told me, "You have to quit masturbating."

"Why do I have to quit masturbating?"

"I'm not going to examine you until you quit masturbating."

Is it a female or male patient? Because I can make an exception for a good looking patient with XX chromosomes.

 

Also, I may or may not be a doctor. I'm asian, so there're a 33% chance you'll guess right.

My youngest son is looking for investors. He wants to merge Fed Ex and UPS.

He's calling his new company Fed Up.

  • 2 weeks later...

What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?

 

 

 

The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.

I think you need to work on the delivery.  Your punch line makes sense when read, but is harder to verbalize.  I do like a good punctuation example, though.

The literalist takes things literally.  The kleptomaniac literally takes things.

Fun fact of the day:  Did you know that as some chameleons get older, they can’t change colors anymore…?

 

They develop reptile dysfunction 

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

I'm so excited about the Amateur Autopsy club I just joined.
Wednesday is open Mike night

A midget psychic escaped from jail.

The dispatcher screamed "We have a small medium at large!"

What do a pregnant woman, a frozen beer and a burnt pizza all have in common?
 

someone forgot to pull out

  • 3 weeks later...

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