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This goddamn motherfucking iphone and it's piece of shit autocorrect

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I wish death upon the people responsible for this. A pox upon everyone they love. May their children, and their children's children, and on and on for the next 500 generations all be born with incurable dyslexia. Fucking Christ it is amazing to me that they can literally track and record millions upon millions of texts, emails, and posts and STILL think that I want the follow auto corrections:

every single time i type the world talk this faggot piece of shit device changes it to "y'all" as shown here:

 

d380ba4fbcc4d9329a92e39b4bc3b2db.jpg

 

every singke god damn time i type the world "clip" it changes to fucking "clío" whatever the fuck that is. see again right here:

 

2f380c72bfd9f521e1adec44e61f3c94.jpg

 

every singke goddamn time i type the word "named" it changes it to "mamés". WHY.

oh and have we noticed how it DOESNT autocorrect the word "singke" to "single"???

 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this shit. I even went into my goddamn keyboard and told it to use "talk" T-A-L-K as a shortcut for "talk", and it STILL changes that shit to "y'all"!

Fuck everyone responsible for this. It is the bane of my existence. I don't even have a computer. every single loquacious, verbose, interminable post i've ever made on surly has been posted from my iphone. so yeah. this shit is an epic fucking pain in my ass. 

 

 

Edited by Goo Punch

I’m totally with him on this. Every time I type a word ending in ing it changes it to TIM. What the hell!

  • Author

the stupid thing also habitually "auto corrects" a correctly used present tense word into a past tense word and vice versa. If I try to type, "Matt Coleman scored 16 points", this fucking POS decides that it needs to "auto correct" a correctly spelled/used word for zero goddamn reason. See her for the fifth fucking time:

 

55da4aaf5a5537851efb12226c43ebbe.jpg

 

That's the most pathetic aspect of all of this-it's so fucking consistent and predictable that i can rely on it happening as i'm typing these sentences out; it's infuriating. Whoever programmed this shit is either a water head retard or an evil person, and either way i say we throw em in the river.

Edited by Goo Punch

Auto-correct just wants to watch the word burn.

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Weird.  I text to my wife "I love you" and autocorrect changes it to "why did you ruin my life?"

Amorello.  I did not even know this was a word...

 

Now,  I have 'auto-correct' turned off because it makes me ragey as hell, but the voice text is just as bad.   It also claims that the phone will somewhat 'learn' your dialect.  There are words unique to my industry that i use every day and I still have to go back and correct them.

My kids laugh at my disdain for this bullshit.  I am not scared of technology.  I leverage it in many ways and it has improved the quality of my job many times over.  However, I am not impressed with bells & whistles that repeatedly fuck up and clutter your processes with having to go do the same corrections and fixes.

If you're gonna put some Ferrari shit on my phone/ IPAD, it had better work, motherfuckers.  That's all I ask.

Edited by slorch

6 hours ago, Goo Punch said:

I don't even have a computer. every single loquacious, verbose, interminable post i've ever made on surly has been posted from my iphone.

Holy shit.

Can you really not turn autocorrect off on an iPhone?

Also, why didn't you buy an Android like a man?

Quart room

every fucking time 

yes that’s what I said bitch. Fuck you siri

1 hour ago, slorch said:

 

If you're gonna put some Ferrari shit on my phone/ IPAD, it had better work, motherfuckers.  That's all I ask.

Do you want to know how I can tell that you aren't a Formula 1 fan? 

Lulz at those who didn't pay attention in school and now can't turn off autocorrect, the idiots' insulin.

 

4 hours ago, Goo Punch said:

the stupid thing also habitually "auto corrects" a correctly used present tense word into a past tense word and vice versa.  

Did it fail to autocorrect "auto corrects"?  Or were you talking about body shops or collision avoidance systems?

Edited by clapclapclap
Rosebud

  • Author
1 hour ago, shakahorn said:

Did it autocorrect its to it’s in your thread title?

yes. it does this all of the time. 

  • Author
1 hour ago, TexArcher said:

Can you really not turn autocorrect off on an iPhone?

Also, why didn't you buy an Android like a man?

each of my thumbs is big enough to cover half the keyboard, and i don't have particularly large hands. turning off autocorrect just brings a different type of retarded madness. 

Just now, Goo Punch said:

each of my thumbs is big enough to cover half the keyboard,  

Even Derkas get the blues.

10 hours ago, clapclapclap said:

Even Derkas get the blues.

 

This is my personal favorite suggestion from my iPhone.

It think I live a much much more interesting life than I really do.

And I wish I could just pick a bag of that up at the Texaco lol.

406f574cd4876db1c960520d017ad8c8.jpg

On 5/25/2019 at 1:49 AM, Goo Punch said:

I wish death upon the people responsible for this. A pox upon everyone they love. May their children, and their children's children, and on and on for the next 500 generations all be born with incurable dyslexia. Fucking Christ it is amazing to me that they can literally track and record millions upon millions of texts, emails, and posts and STILL think that I want the follow auto corrections:

every single time i type the world talk this faggot piece of shit device changes it to "y'all" as shown here:

 

d380ba4fbcc4d9329a92e39b4bc3b2db.jpg

 

every singke god damn time i type the world "clip" it changes to fucking "clío" whatever the fuck that is. see again right here:

 

2f380c72bfd9f521e1adec44e61f3c94.jpg

 

every singke goddamn time i type the word "named" it changes it to "mamés". WHY.

oh and have we noticed how it DOESNT autocorrect the word "singke" to "single"???

 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this shit. I even went into my goddamn keyboard and told it to use "talk" T-A-L-K as a shortcut for "talk", and it STILL changes that shit to "y'all"!

Fuck everyone responsible for this. It is the bane of my existence. I don't even have a computer. every single loquacious, verbose, interminable post i've ever made on surly has been posted from my iphone. so yeah. this shit is an epic fucking pain in my ass. 

 

 

Try using GBoard. Glide typing works great once you get used to it. 

https://support.google.com/gboard/answer/6380730?co=GENIE.Platform%3DiOS&hl=en

Have you been texting you mom again?

Cant you goofballs get Switfkey?  It has the best adaptive autocorrect I've ever used.

My autocorrect works just fine. Are you guys retarded or something?

Just turn off the “predictive” setting and it will still check spelling etc.   

7 minutes ago, SDG said:

Just turn off the “predictive” setting and it will still check spelling etc.   

This

The episode of Star Trek The Next Generation that was written entirely by predictive text was quite brilliant.  Why would I turn that off?

ft906ijdwpuosyolklpj.jpg

Edited by HornsOverIthaca

2 hours ago, housious said:

My autocorrect works just fine. Are you guys retarded or something?

Same here. Well, sometimes I find tgat it fails to correct the misspelling of tge.

On 5/25/2019 at 9:34 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Do you want to know how I can tell that you aren't a Formula 1 fan? 

nobody gives a shit about formula 1 you stupid prick. 

5 hours ago, futureman said:

nobody gives a shit about formula 1 you stupid prick. 

I thought it was a pretty good shot...at nobody but certain racing fans.

I'm a Formula 69 fan.

1 hour ago, slorch said:

I thought it was a pretty good shot...at nobody but certain racing fans.

fair enough. 

Apple sucks. Take it to one of their genius and they will sell you a newer phone that doesn't work either.

 

Oneplus 6t here, works great. Google keyboard instead of stock, but you can use any keyboard you want.

fir instead of for.  Because for is used way less instead of fir in everyday dialogue.  Fucking idiots

Fuck to duck.  

All the time.  I never want to say duck.  I always want to say fuck.  Always.

I can't wait for you to type out "single clip named talk" in a regular conversation. Hilarity will ensue!

1 hour ago, Chad Fuck said:

Fuck to duck.  

All the time.  I never want to say duck.  I always want to say fuck.  Always.

You got a problem with Taylor High School?

6 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

You got a problem with Taylor High School?

Nah, I just never need to talk about them.

On 5/26/2019 at 9:36 PM, SDG said:

Just turn off the “predictive” setting and it will still check spelling etc.   

Thank you!

Found that on both my iPad and iPhone.

My chances of another stroke just declined by at least 50%.... and fewer expletives will be uttered. 

1 minute ago, Chad Fuck said:

Nah, I just never need to talk about them.

Oh, ok. 

5 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

fir instead of for.  Because for is used way less instead of fir in everyday dialogue.  Fucking idiots

drives me nuts

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