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Sandman

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Everything posted by Sandman

  1. One thing my wife does that makes me rage is when I ask her a simple question, but she replies with an answer to a question I didn't ask. Like I'll ask her what time we're meeting her family for dinner and she'll say "My sister is at the mall". Like WTF. I was in Walmart today and found a kindred spirit. An older couple, mid to late 60s, was shopping together. The woman had grabbed two cans of this fancy soda and she turned to put them in the cart. He husband said, very calmly and gently, "Would you get four of those, please?". She looked at him and said "They're 50 cents each". He didn't miss a beat, and in the same calm and patient manner "Ok. Get four of them, please". That fucker has probably been dealing with that shit for 45 years. Poor guy. After we got a ways away from them, I told my wife about their interaction. She declined to comment.
  2. Sandman replied to Derka's topic in Basketball
    Is Kelvin trying to get fired? Kelvin Sampson bemoans Houston NIL budget: 'We're poor' - ESPN
  3. As an IU fan living in Oklahoma, let me tell you why I'm extra pumped about winning the championship: ou fans are front-running bitches, for the most part. So many 60+ year old men wearing their softball champs shirts around town. But if you're an Oklahoma State fan (which I am, became one after we moved here when I was in high school), or a fan of any other school, really, you can't talk about any other sports success with ou fans. They just say "yeah but footbawl!!". I mention OSU winning the golf title recently and you get "who gives a fuck about golf? Footbawl is what matters!". Well, now I don't have to hear about it. I can just say "You fucksticks can't go 16-0? Pull your panties out of your asscracks and try harder!". Any time ou wins a game, I'm gonna say "You ain't won shit in 25 fucking years. No player on your team was alive the last time you won, you fucking bums".
  4. I watched Buck Rogers as a kid and I remember on new years day 1987, I thought "1987 is when the show creators thought we might be at the forefront of space exploration. Let's see what scientific wonders await the human race this year". Fuck.
  5. I Got Standards Bro - Female Delusion Calculator Women just don't understand that things like height is just not that common.
  6. As a 6'6 man, they're full of shit. Many times, I have shown up to a date and they realize that they, in fact, did not want a power forward after all. Women just can't judge height for shit, especially short women.
  7. Texas has 1 championship in the last 50+ years. No one is that afraid.
  8. My new plan seems to be working. I answer any fishy looking numbers by saying "Department of Homeland Security, can I help you?". They hang up immediately.
  9. Sandman replied to Hate's topic in Lulz
    I woke up screaming in the middle of the night with a horrible charley horse in my calf. I could barely straighten my leg. I don't know how but I fell back asleep a few minutes later. Today, we've been out and about and it's sore as shit as I walk around.
  10. Or you toss something in the wastebasket but it hits whatever is in there and bounces out onto the floor.
  11. That's some Angry Birds shit right there.
  12. Miami could win the game, but "very easily" ? Give me a fucking break.
  13. You force turnovers and have a short field sseveral times.
  14. The BOR plays a big part in that. Certain people get appointed and have an axe to grind. Maybe that blocks someone from getting fired, or maybe the prime candidate for the job doesn't get approved. Then sometimes the university prez decides to put their 2 cents in and push for what they want. It reminds me of what people say on here about UT football coaches. Only replace the BOR with the Big Cigars.
  15. If I never see Chambliss' mom again for the rest of my life, it'll still be too soon.
  16. He gives me a creepy, Kevin Spacey vibe.
  17. Today was the first day that I haven't received a call from them. Every fucking day it's "Hi, this is your credit union fraud department" and after I say they're lying, they start talking shit. Maybe he's tired of being cussed at?
  18. It came up as "CITY NAME" where the main branch is located, and then the number for my credit union (I have an iphone if that matters as far as what that looks like). I do not have my credit union number saved as a contact, but I've been a member since the late 80s/early 90s and I know their main phone number.
  19. They fucking called back! I'm at work this morning and my cell phone rings. I look and see that it's the number for my credit union and the correct city. But I'm skeptical due to the prior bullshit. I answer and the thick indian accent tells me he's from my CU's fraud department. I give him the Ron Burgandy "I don't believe you" and he immediately says "FUCK YOU, fuck your mother!". I lose it and say loudly "FUCK YOU, motherfucker piece of shit" and some extra insults on top. To my surprise, he didn't hang up, maybe he was shocked. I hung up and I hear my boss from his office "Uhh, that wasn't a client call, was it?". But it wasn't over. They called back this evening but didn't spoof the number. It was from Yonkers, NY, alledgedly. Same script, CU fraud, blah blah. I just unleashed swears and slurs and hung up before he could respond. Fuck these scamming fucks.
  20. I like how they edit out the line "The chicks all cream!"
  21. It gets better. We also have a black dude named Riley Nowakowski.
  22. Early in our marriage, she got a "Gazelle" machine, which was fucking stupid. Then she kicked it up a notch to an elliptical, which she actually did use from time to time but not enough to justify the purchase. After it sat for years with clothes hanging on it, we sold it and I thought the game was finally over. But no, some fucker on FB just had to sell this thing. She has already talked about one of those little walking treadmills but I have vetoed her idea.
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