Q: When planning a funeral, how many chairs do you need for the pallbearers?
A: You need seven. Six for each pallbearer, and one for Rigamortis to sit in.
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!".
Confused, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Steve?"
I'm a runner and developed joint pain in my knees several years ago. Arthritis runs in my family and both parents had it pretty bad. My aunt told me to take a teaspoon of cod liver oil every day. Yeah, right. All I needed was a old wives' tale solution. Since nothing else worked, I tried it. Two days later my knee pain was gone. Now I take three capsules every day. Whenever I stop taking it, the pain comes back. Don't know how, but it works for me.
1. Kirk Douglas (102)
2. George H. W. Bush (94)
3. Bret Michaels (55)
4. Carol Channing (97)
5. Henry Kissinger (95)
6. John McCain (82)
7. Larry King (85)
8. Burt Reynolds (82)
9. Bob Dole (95)
10. Baba Wawa (89)
For extra points: Carl Reiner (96), Mel Brooks (92)