Everything posted by Tired Horn
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America's Game 2019: Army vs Navy
I'll second that.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Did he give them some cookies and hot chocolate, too?
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
"Jones is reluctant to give up his power as general manager of the Cowboys, especially since the team's owner believes he's the best man capable of bringing the Cowboys another Super Bowl." Why do people even print that shit? The Aikman/Smith/Irvin Cowboys stopped being a serious Super Bowl contender after 1996. That's 23 years ago. Not counting this year, which is still unknown, Jerry's irreplaceable Super-Bowl-seeking GM skills have resulted in 9 playoff appearances. The W/L record in those appearances is 3-9 (all wild card round wins), and they've never made it past the divisional round. To even be using the word Super Bowl in conjunction with the Jerry-led Cowboys is silly. There's literally nothing in this organization's record for the last 23 years that says citing the Super Bowl as our standard of success is anything but the delusions of a senile, ego-tripping ass. We are just a run-of-the-mill, mediocre NFL team with chronic management issues. We can look down on the likes of the even more dysfunctional Detroit Lions. That's our actual standard of success, and it's sad.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Yeah, Jerry actually believes this shit when he says it. One more reason he shouldn't be a GM.
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MNF: Giants @ Eagles
Two bad teams playing badly. Nothing to see here.
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So...about Charlie Strong at USF...
Just don't let Charlie say anything about baking cakes.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
That I would stand behind 110%.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Forget playing football. We can't even do a basic thing like firing a coach right. Most organizations know that they've decided to fire their coach, and they either just do it or shutup about it until the day after the season ends. But not Dallas. No, we have to have our "look at me" whacko GM doing some silly, half-ass Hamlet routine. One week he's issuing terse, annoyed threats that this might be, maybe could be, the end of the line; the next he's all teary eyed and blubbering about what a great guy the coach is, and how he's certain to keep him if he just goes on some epic win streak that no one outside of Jerry can even talk about with a straight face. Just fire him already or shut the hell up. It's not the lack of playoff success, or simply losing itself, that's most wearing on a Cowboy fan. It's the fact that every single thing involving Jerry becomes some mangled clusterfuck that gives sportswriters nationwide the chance to write columns about how pathetic we are. I'm certainly not one of those foreseeing a blissful future under Stephen, but I'll give him this--he hasn't shown the flair to pull off this addled, juvenile diva shit show we've been living with for decades.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
I wish Jerry and everyone else would just stop talking about winning the Super Bowl. It's embarrassing when your team is flatlining. Especially when you haven't so much as sniffed a Super Bowl in a generation.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
I fear you may be overestimating Jerry's commitment to rationality. He wants to be a winner, but he wants to be the center of attention even more.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Don't give the Eagles too much credit. They're not a good football team, either.
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Cowboys @ Bears: TNF Edition
Of course he will. He likes attention and he has to sell this mess.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
That's quite a scintillating race for the NFC East crown. Seems like it will come down to who gives less of a fuck.
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Cowboys @ Bears: TNF Edition
As noted above, probably some of the odds makers still have post-traumatic stress from watching Trubisky play,
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Cowboys @ Bears: TNF Edition
This is unfair to Jason. He actually has a variety of slightly different claps to deploy. Even now he is probably scripting his first 15 claps to get the Cowboys off to a good start. Rumor has it he's even developed a new and special clap for special teams. The Bears won't know what hit them.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Eh, what the hell. As long as Dallas is laboring under the curse of Jerry, there will always be some dysfunction or another ruining things. It's just the way he is. Dak seems like a nice enough guy, so if he manages to grab a ton of Jerry's money, I guess I'll just try to be happy for him. You have to appreciate the smaller things in life when you're a Cowboy fan.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
This isn't really a threat. I'm a life long Cowboys fan, but this has been my baseline assessment of them looking forward for years now. Prove me wrong, Jerry. Please prove me wrong.
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So...about Charlie Strong at USF...
He'd last less than a day. Man can't bake a cake for his life.
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So...about Charlie Strong at USF...
No one can unbake a cake quite like Charlie.
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So...about Charlie Strong at USF...
You are what your record says you are. Charlie just isn't a good head coach.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
So again, this shitty division is pretty much ours for the taking. As expected. The Eagles just haven't played well this year. I never believed they were for real, and I certainly won't believe Carson Wentz is for real until he actually starts coming through in the clutch.
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UCF v. Charlah
He's just running off all the bad guys. Wait til year 10 of the Strong era. They'll be a scintillating 7-6 again.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
IN my dreams the Cowboys are able to hire away Lincoln Riley and Oklahoma decides to replace him with Jason Garrett.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
I guess this is what its like to be cursed.
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Dallas Cowboys 2019 Season Thread -- Aaaah Zeke Out?
Cosplay coach--that's a good line. But look on the bright side. Things could be worse--we could have Carson Wentz at quarterback.